Conservatives, Stop Gaslighting the LGBTQ Community
The Reckless Arrogance of Homophobia and Transphobia
I was recently watching the YouTube reaction video of a popular professed Christian therapist, to Welsh rapper Ren’s song Hi, Ren: a brilliant and breathtaking depiction of the internal struggle between the voices of compassion and condemnation that we each find ourselves navigating, especially those of us with mental illness.
As the woman was processing Ren’s lyrics, musical prowess, and vocal delivery and discussing the inner battles he so eloquently speaks to, she suddenly launched into a thinly-veiled, non sequitur attack on transgender people, saying:
“These days, some people are obsessed with their pronouns.”
She continued,
“But what about your verbs (what are you doing), or your adjectives (what kind of person you are).”
Her apparent point, was that identity is more than your pronouns and that “some people” should be more focused on those things and stop focusing on their pronouns.
This is gaslighting of the worst kind.
Pronouns are the very reason she decided to bring the topic up to begin with, and it’s emblematic of the entire crusade here against an already marginalized community.
Transgender human beings aren’t being relentlessly persecuted by political conservatives and religious fundamentalists because of what they do or don’t do for society, or for what kind of people they are—as such things are completely irrelevant to them.
Members of the LGBTQ community can be (and often are) the kindest, most compassionate, loving human beings who are doing all they can to simply exist in a nation filled with people determined to fashion them into threats and enemies. That isn’t enough, apparently.
Republican politicians aren’t trying to steamroll waves of anti-transgender legislation through all over the country because they’re concerned that these people are selfish or violent or cruel.
Transgender people are being hounded by such religious zealots, precisely because of their pronouns: because they are fighting to be afforded the same consideration and respect that those outside the LGBTQ community receive without having to ask or fight for it. They are asking to be fully seen and fully known without fear that they will be the subject of unprovoked assaults (as in this therapist’s video).
For all their performative pleas that queer people stop “shoving their sexuality in our faces,” the reality is that the conservatives and evangelicals are the ones obsessively fixated on other people’s bedrooms and body parts and bathroom choices. They aren’t the least bit interested in the totality of LGBTQ people's complex humanity— they just want to decide that expression of humanity for them.
In addition to being destructive and wasteful, homophobia and transphobia are profoundly arrogant reactions. They assume expertise in the matter of another human being’s understanding of self, each deciding that they can diagnose them secondhand.
There’s a dangerous hubris in believing you know better from a distance what someone is experiencing within their own body and brain; that from the outside you can determine another person’s fundamental sense of identity, while completely disregarding their opinion on the matter.
The need to control someone else is a symptom of uninformed and irrational fear, which is the engine that homophobia and transphobia run on, fueled by a theology and politics that have no place for empathy or understanding, no room for curiosity and listening.
Homophobic and transphobic people should at least be honest and admit that they haven’t the slightest desire to know queer people, that they simply want to avoid any outward authentic expression of their humanity: no mention of their pronouns or their relationships or marriages or desires or dreams.
I imagine of the million-plus views on this content creator’s YouTube video, many of these are LGBTQ human beings who like everyone else, face the voices of guilt and self-criticism that are a normal part of this existence.
As they watched that video, they again found themselves on the receiving end of an unprovoked, arrogant diatribe that persecutes them in the name of helping them.
Conservatives should stop gaslighting the queer community (and their advocates and allies) and just come clean about their motives.
John, thank you for these thoughtful words. I had the pleasure of doing ministry with two people who were the kindest, most empathetic, caring and loving people I ever worked with. While in ministry they led double lives, though most of us knew their secrets, and eventually they both came out. I was asked to have a talk with the young man (the other a woman) and set him straight on his sin. I absolutely refused and subsequently left that ministry when the young woman was asked to step down because of her sexual orientation. Both of these people embody the love of Christ in a sincere and true manner. So ironic, that ministries that exist to attract and encourage inclusivity are actually fine examples of exclusivity. Keep on doing the good work, John.
Yet again, the title of your 2021 book comes to mind. No need to wonder if she’s a jerk, she shamefully shouts it from the rooftop for all of us to hear.