What Electing a Predator Would Say to Sexual Assault Survivors

(Trigger Warning: This article deals with sexual abuse and violence and may be triggering to survivors of such abuse.)

One of the great honors of the work I do, is that people turn to me when they don't believe they can turn to anyone else. They allow me sacred proximity to their suffering and their grief.

And even though it is a tremendous privilege to be given access to the deepest recesses of people's hearts and stories, this also means getting a front row seat to the incredible damage so many live with.

Recently, I heard from a woman who I'll call Emily. Years ago, Emily was assaulted by a stranger at college.

Now a successful, outwardly-thriving 36-year old, she has shared this information with almost no one close to her, because of the fear and undeserved shame she still carries. Emily suffers alone every single day and through many sleepless nights, because someone else saw her as an object, ignored her consent, and disregarded her humanity.

And yet as horrific as that day was for her, it was only the beginning of the nightmare she's had to endure.

There have been more fresh nightmares in recent months.

She's had to hear friends, co-workers, and family members openly defend the words and behavior of Donald Trump, oblivious to the way these things silently wound her and force her deeper and deeper into isolation and sadness; how their words cause her to relive her trauma all over again.

She's had to hear Conservative radio hosts make the issue of consent the punchline to some twisted joke.

She's watched well-known Christian leaders proudly endorse a court-adjudicated rapist.

She’s had to hear Trump flippantly declare that the woman the courts determined he assaulted was “not attractive enough” for him to have done so, that she would not have been “the chosen one”, implying others were.

She's listened to other women defend him, blame victims, and openly campaign for the reelection of this self-confessed sexual predator.

Over and over and over she's had to hear that she doesn't matter.
Over and over she's been told that she's expendable.
Over and over she's been reminded that her pain is inconsequential when there are Supreme Court Seats and Congressional majorities at stake.

Maybe she's had to hear this from you, too.

Maybe it's been your social media tirades and coffee break conversations and sarcastic comments that she's had to endure; bleeding internally, suffering in silence, grieving anew.

Maybe it’s you driving around with a bumper sticker or flying a flag or posting a yard sign with the assailant of at least one woman, but likely dozens, perhaps hundreds more. (The dozens of credible accusations and the Jeffrey Epstein flight logs point to a lifelong pattern.)

I suspect this may not matter to some of you voting for him, but I hope you'll think about it.

Emilys are everywhere.

They are your daughters, your wives, your sons, your co-workers, your neighbors.

People you know and love and worship and work with have survived sexual assault, whether you know it or not. They are in your kitchen, your staff room, your classroom, your church pew, your timelines.

They are listening to you and they are being brutalized again, because people they know and love and worship with and work with are okay elevating a sexual predator to the Presidency and dismissing their trauma and excusing away his despicable acts and words about women. I wonder if that's something you are okay with.

I wonder if Emily matters to you.

I wonder if you knew Emily was listening to you, if you would have still be saying what you're saying or posting what you're posting or celebrating who you’re celebrating. I wonder if it would make any difference at all.  

RAINN, the largest anti-sexual violence organization, estimates that every 68 seconds an American is sexually assault, nearly five human beings in the time it has taken you to read or listen to this article.

So many women, men, boys, and girls, having their paths irreparably altered by a predator who disregarded their humanity.

Imagine what it feels like to know they could soon have such a person as their president.

This year, the Republican Party and its supporters are speaking loudly and clearly to survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence about their worth, their pain, their importance, their credibility.

And honestly, I shudder to imagine how harmful those words are.

As you consider the person you will soon help to elevate to the highest seat of power in this nation, I hope you will imagine you are not in the voting booth alone. I hope you will remember that Emily, that millions of Emilys will be standing next to you, hoping she and those like her matter to you more than a politician or party.

Please choose well.

(To all the Emily's out there: You matter. You are beautiful. You are loved. You are not defined by what has been done to you. You are not alone. We see you. We hear you.)

If you are the survivor of sexual assault, here are some resources where you can find support, encouragement, and care. You don't need to carry this alone. 

RAINN
National Sexual Assault Hotline
EROC (End Rape on Campus)
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Safe Horizon
INCITE (For Women, Gender Non-Conforming, and Trans people of Color)
On Eagle's Wings Ministries
Human Rights Campaign (LGBTQ)
NCLR Nation Center for Lesbian Rights 
Not Alone
Safe Helpline (Victim support for members of Military)