Very often in life, the most real thing we need to acknowledge is mourning and grieving over the losses and disappointments of life. Don't let others' joy or frivolity cause you to deny your real pain.
It’s regret, for me. I waited for the right time and maybe even the right partner. Those never came. I don’t blame myself for waiting, but I do regret not seizing a moment to let myself believe I could do it differently than I’d imagined with the support of family and friends and teachers and neighbors.
Mother’s Day is different for many.. However this day comes and goes can affect so many in their own ways. Give grace, compassion and empathy to all women to live their lives freely and the ability to embrace themselves fully..
John, thank you for reminding people there are those of us this day can be one of grief.
There are so many ways to lose a child; death, addiction, mental health and purposeful cutting off of a parent. Two of my best friends, a sister, a SIL, my father and stepmother all lost a child through unexpected death. I have felt each of their loses personally. Losing a child to death is a traumatic situation. At minimum you can experience a form of closure, but the pain lives within you for the rest of your life.
It is different when you have a child struggling with addiction or mental health. We constantly wonder whether they are alive or safe. The awareness of daily risks always hoovers in the back of your mind.
I have not looked forward to Mother's Day for years. My husband understands my sadness and that helps. There were days I do not know where my only child is and if she is safe. I live with the fact a phone call could come at any time to shatter my heart that has been slowing bleeding for years.
For those who can celebrate with their children, cherish every moment you have with them, that time is precious. And take a moment to give thought or comfort to those who are mourning.
I said to my husband this morning, "I am not your mother, but, I would like to give you a big hug." Which he accepted. Both our mothers and fathers are gone, our children living their own lives. I wished them a Happy Mother's Day. Now, I am going out to my garden to plant seeds - sunflowers, kale, lettuce, sorghum, and zinnias. Thank you for your writings.
For some this day is a day of pain because not so much from the loss of a mother but from an experience of abuse and neglect growing up, of never truly knowing what it means to be loved. I have trouble with this day and the platitudes that are often heard from church pulpits, because I worked in mental health and saw what the abuse and neglect can do to children and in every congregation there are children who experienced such at the hands of their mother or father on that day. Thanks for allowing people to feel differently from what is the so called norm. Grief, loss, abuse, the pain of never knowing one is loved. all that hurts and is important to acknowledge that.
Thank you, John, for this. I don't know why I ever think it might be different THIS year, but I haven't had a Mother's Day acknowledgement from ANY of my four step-children, or the eight grandchildren, EVER. Philip and I were married for 32 years when he died in 2020, and we'd been dating for ten years (yes, I know...) before we married. So his kids grew up with me around. They lost their own mother to lung cancer way too early, and she and I got along just fine. She and Philip were separated long before I met him. Meanwhile, it still hurts that despite my efforts over the years - never did a birthday, event or Christmas go by without gifts and calls and lots of encouragement to each of them - I rarely hear from two of them and never hear from the other two or the grandkids. Of course I never hear from them at Christmas, my birthday or any other time, either, but somehow this day it might be nice to be remembered. It's like losing a big part of who my dear husband was, but I think they fail to see that.
Thank you for this, John. Many of my friends and I have lost our mothers now, and a few lost them way too early, not that we're ever ready to let them go.
I appreciate you acknowledging the fact that many women don't have a Hallmark-card Mothers' Day today. It was very difficult for me when my husband and I were struggling with infertility, as do many women. We were fortunate to eventually have a child, but many people don't.
I also know a couple of people who are estranged from their mothers because it's the healthiest choice for them. Makes for a tough day today, too.
Thank you so much for this.
Beyond grateful for your kindness and empathy, especially to those, who like me, are struggling with the loss of a child.
Very often in life, the most real thing we need to acknowledge is mourning and grieving over the losses and disappointments of life. Don't let others' joy or frivolity cause you to deny your real pain.
John, you are a gift!
All I can say is WOW!
YES. THANK YOU FROM THE DEPTHS OF MY HEART. Thank you for understanding what today — and every Mother’s Day now — means to me. No one else does.
I understand. I am with you today and in your shoes.
I understand, I'm with you. Sending love and peace.
This is beautiful. Thank you. I lost my son who is my only child shortly before Mother’s Day in 2022. This will always be a hard day for me.
I'm so sorry.
Thank you, John. I hate this day as my matriarch has become a vindictive, narcissistic Trumper.
I love this day because my two grown sons and husband go out of their way to make this a special day.
It’s regret, for me. I waited for the right time and maybe even the right partner. Those never came. I don’t blame myself for waiting, but I do regret not seizing a moment to let myself believe I could do it differently than I’d imagined with the support of family and friends and teachers and neighbors.
Mother’s Day is different for many.. However this day comes and goes can affect so many in their own ways. Give grace, compassion and empathy to all women to live their lives freely and the ability to embrace themselves fully..
John, thank you for reminding people there are those of us this day can be one of grief.
There are so many ways to lose a child; death, addiction, mental health and purposeful cutting off of a parent. Two of my best friends, a sister, a SIL, my father and stepmother all lost a child through unexpected death. I have felt each of their loses personally. Losing a child to death is a traumatic situation. At minimum you can experience a form of closure, but the pain lives within you for the rest of your life.
It is different when you have a child struggling with addiction or mental health. We constantly wonder whether they are alive or safe. The awareness of daily risks always hoovers in the back of your mind.
I have not looked forward to Mother's Day for years. My husband understands my sadness and that helps. There were days I do not know where my only child is and if she is safe. I live with the fact a phone call could come at any time to shatter my heart that has been slowing bleeding for years.
For those who can celebrate with their children, cherish every moment you have with them, that time is precious. And take a moment to give thought or comfort to those who are mourning.
I said to my husband this morning, "I am not your mother, but, I would like to give you a big hug." Which he accepted. Both our mothers and fathers are gone, our children living their own lives. I wished them a Happy Mother's Day. Now, I am going out to my garden to plant seeds - sunflowers, kale, lettuce, sorghum, and zinnias. Thank you for your writings.
For some this day is a day of pain because not so much from the loss of a mother but from an experience of abuse and neglect growing up, of never truly knowing what it means to be loved. I have trouble with this day and the platitudes that are often heard from church pulpits, because I worked in mental health and saw what the abuse and neglect can do to children and in every congregation there are children who experienced such at the hands of their mother or father on that day. Thanks for allowing people to feel differently from what is the so called norm. Grief, loss, abuse, the pain of never knowing one is loved. all that hurts and is important to acknowledge that.
Thank you, John, for this. I don't know why I ever think it might be different THIS year, but I haven't had a Mother's Day acknowledgement from ANY of my four step-children, or the eight grandchildren, EVER. Philip and I were married for 32 years when he died in 2020, and we'd been dating for ten years (yes, I know...) before we married. So his kids grew up with me around. They lost their own mother to lung cancer way too early, and she and I got along just fine. She and Philip were separated long before I met him. Meanwhile, it still hurts that despite my efforts over the years - never did a birthday, event or Christmas go by without gifts and calls and lots of encouragement to each of them - I rarely hear from two of them and never hear from the other two or the grandkids. Of course I never hear from them at Christmas, my birthday or any other time, either, but somehow this day it might be nice to be remembered. It's like losing a big part of who my dear husband was, but I think they fail to see that.
I'm so sorry. Sending love.
Thank you. Sorry, I was just ranting...
I have two kids; one no longer talks to us and the other probably won’t remember. But I did get some texts from former students.
Thank you for this, John. Many of my friends and I have lost our mothers now, and a few lost them way too early, not that we're ever ready to let them go.
I appreciate you acknowledging the fact that many women don't have a Hallmark-card Mothers' Day today. It was very difficult for me when my husband and I were struggling with infertility, as do many women. We were fortunate to eventually have a child, but many people don't.
I also know a couple of people who are estranged from their mothers because it's the healthiest choice for them. Makes for a tough day today, too.
Thanks for seeing all of us.
Happy Mother's day to your's and all of your readers, Thanks for all you do and will reStack ASAP 🙏