A Beta Man-ifesto

Today, a Trump supporter called me a "beta male."

I was on social media, expressing my respect for survivors of sexual assault and women who've been subjected to the mansplaining of their trauma—and he dropped (based on his commentary following) what he thought was some leg sweep, knockout punch, designed to leave me in a quivering mass on the floor.

Apparently, I was supposed to be insulted, emotionally shattered, and overwhelmed with shame.
I wasn't it.
Instead, I felt complimented.
I felt validated.
I realized I was on the right track as a human being.

"Beta male," seems to be a MAGA label for a man with decency, self-control, and compassion; someone a woman wouldn't need to fear being around when alone or vulnerable.
It's the label they slap on any man who is sickened by the misogyny on display in this Administration, one who pushes back against the cultivating of a lowest-common-denominator expression of toxic masculinity.

It’s a supposed takedown of men who reject the idea that dehumanizing a woman and talking about grabbing her by the genitalia is something decent men do.
”Beta male” is another lazy, Right-wing, catch-all slur for any guy who dares to declare a court-adjudicated r*pist unfit to lead anything, let alone a nation.

Based on my observations, in the minds of these folks, beta males are capable of deep empathy for people who are suffering.
They yield to a woman's consent regarding her body and her needs.
They’re burdened to be sources of gentleness, restraint, and kindness.
They affirm women’s ability to lead in every capacity.
They don't need to display physical dominance to feel validated.
They aren't a physical or emotional danger to women around them.
They are secure in their skin enough not to be threatened by assertions that they aren’t manly or tough enough.

If that’s a beta male—then sign me up.

I’ve seen the alternative and frankly, it’s not something I’m interested in.

With what’s unfolding right now in America, the last thing we need is more men like the President and men who emulate him: perpetually insecure man-children who've never been able to find a fully formed understanding of what it means to be a gentleman and a human being.

We don't need any more knuckle-dragging cavemen who are terrified of strong women and intimidated by gender identity and sexual orientation that don't fit their narrow, brittle Old Testament sensibilities.

This nation has no use for another fragile, onionskin ego’d dudebro who thinks masculinity is in bicep or truck tire circumference.

We are collectively failing a generation of boys and young men, who are being poisoned by their parents, media, churches, and politicians to believe that their worth is in their aggression, that empathy is liability, and that strength is only what you can bench press.

I hope my son grows up to be what Conservatives call a beta male. I want him to be a safe place for the women around him. I want him to respect their humanity, honor their wishes, and view them as equals. I want him to see in his father someone who is secure enough in who he is, not to need to damage, overpower, or shout down someone else to prove his worth.

I want my daughter to be surrounded by these beta males; men who value her enough to let her decide what happens to her body, who see her as more than a tool for their self-gratification, who are not intimidated by her strength or intellect or accomplishments, who don't leverage religion or guilt or fear to coerce women into anything.

If Donald Trump is an alpha male, if Matt Gaetz is an alpha male, if JD Vance is, if Tucker Carlson or Ted Cruz is—count me the hell out. That's not exactly a mark I'm interested in attaining. I'd rather sleep at night knowing that I've left this world more compassionate and loving than I found it.

If being an alpha male is what this Administration and its MAGA movement are cultivating, employing, and perpetuating, I'll gladly be a beta male.

I think that just means I'm being human.

We need more human right now.