For many people, the holidays are a time for recognizing our profound fullness: of purposefully dwelling on the abundant overflow we find ourselves in and being grateful for it.
This has been a long empty chair process for us. Since 2016 as a matter of fact. I moved back to within 45 minutes of my brother and his family in 2009 from CA. For years, until 2016, we were together either at my house or his for the holidays and were on the lake adjacent to my house twice a month. I knew that my brother was a racist, bigoted and always voted differently than we did. Somehow that did not get discussed as I knew it was an explosive conversation. After 2016 and his comment that the election was payback for 8 years of a "black man in his White House", I let loose. There was no way I could accept his under wraps racism any further. After a long argument on the phone, he eventually called me a "college educated West Coast brainwashed liberal" lol. I told him I would wear that title proudly since I was the first in my family to attain a college education and have always been an independent woman. We have not been together for years. I did go visit him in the hospital when he had cardiac surgery, but it was an icy reception from him and I could tell our relationship was done. I no longer inquire about him or his family to my younger sister, as she stays in contact with him somewhat. It is painful in some respects, but I just can't sit around a table with his entire family feeling the same way about me. The solitude I have at 71 is much more comforting than any hate that would be directed at me from across a holiday table. I will spend the day in meditation and eating little as my concerns currently are for those who are starving in Gaza and the Sudan. I contribute to the Soup Kitchen on the ground in Gaza and will not be spending mass quantities on food that will eventually be tossed as leftovers no one wants. Hope your holiday is a peaceful one John. I always enjoy your writings and share many. 💜
My sister (only sibling) went full MAGA long before it was a thing. This was back in the 90s. She would call or email me constantly and couldn't get far past "Hello" without going on a religious and RWNJ screed. She finally shouted over the phone that if I didn't change my mind, she would disown me. I took her up on it. Other than my father's death, we haven't spoken in decades. Turns out that she alienated the entire family.
Jan, Thank You for sharing your story. As John writes today: “Sometimes restoration happens, sometimes reconciliation comes, and sometimes it just sucks.” Whereas the gloom of an absent relationship can fill your entire being, I hope you experience some moments where you are “Surprised by Joy” as the poet Wordsworth notes.
My empty chair this year is for my daughter Amity who suffers from an incurable disease and is bedridden. She’s also transgender and this election has been excruciating for her.
I suppose we hold empty chairs for all our queer chosen family who for some reason or another cannot be with family.
I am a 70 year old political junkie since Watergate and my initial major of Political Science at Arizona State Univ. I am definitely in the minority in believing that families with even extreme polarizing opinions should be able to get together and talk. If people who will always love one another even through periods of not liking AT ALL that person and respecting even less their beliefs can't sit and have respectful dialogue, then our society's chances of moving forward are slim to none.
We all get our news from our own sources now, not like back in the day we all watched Walter Cronkite or Huntley-Brinkley and then read from the same paper in the morning. Those days are over. We need to exchange ideas. We need to listen, respectfully to others. In the end, most likely positions won't change much but at least each side would have a glimpse of the others' point of view.
That being said, I have a sibling that I would love to have this kind of talk with but have been unable to for a decade now. I want to ask him serious questions and then listen to him defend his support for a sociopath, convicted felon, lying, etc. etc.(I can go on forever). At the end i just want him to know that I will always love him as my brother but that I have zero respect for his thought process.
Some day. But not this Thanksgiving as he and his cult are celebrating by themselves.
I am always moved by your comments. You have a way of reflecting on things that touch my heart. I hope you will continue to provide us insights and support. We will need it as we try to navigate the next period in our country's journey. I hope you have a Thanksgiving filled with peace and love.
I am going to only accept joy this Thanksgiving. Kids grandkids and other family members are gathering together. No politics zone for the day. Only calm.
I will be alone this Thanksgiving, as my son and his wife will spend the day with his father (my ex-husband) and his wife, and a multitude of their neighbors and friends. This apparently is how they do holidays, which makes it difficult for any family time with our children. My daughter is living in Iceland with her husband: we will likely have a nice FaceTime visit. My eldest daughter passed away March 2019, and my husband died the same year in October. I miss having my kitchen filled with family, all helping with the meal prep, and all the laughter that accompanies the work. I am making a conscious choice to be happy: I’m planning to grill a nice steak and eat on my good china and drink wine from my best crystal. I will be thankful that the empty chairs are not due to angry family breakups.
I identify with each one of these empty chairs...an adult child that won't speak to me unless money is needed (but isn't paid back), my brother, my brother-in-law, and my son-in-law who left this world far too soon. My 1st relationship in 11 years that was brutally severed. Please don't misunderstand, I know there are many in this world that have it far worse than I do. Nevertheless, there will be several empty chairs that are filled with a broken heart, and an ache that never really goes away. I HAVE to look/talk to God, and say, here you go God, I'm giving this to you, I'm placing this in your more than capable hands. Then stay present so I recognize when I've picked that burden back up, and once again give it back to God. 💙
Our empty chair belongs to an extraordinary woman—Elizabeth, my wife of 53 years, my partner in a 30 year military career and a loving Mom, Nana, Aunt and forever friend to many. She went home to God in late December 2023 and this will be our first holiday season with her here only in spirit. As a family, we have not become estranged over politics, probably because we believe “there is more that unites us than divides us”. Oh yeah, and because we are family.
This has been a long empty chair process for us. Since 2016 as a matter of fact. I moved back to within 45 minutes of my brother and his family in 2009 from CA. For years, until 2016, we were together either at my house or his for the holidays and were on the lake adjacent to my house twice a month. I knew that my brother was a racist, bigoted and always voted differently than we did. Somehow that did not get discussed as I knew it was an explosive conversation. After 2016 and his comment that the election was payback for 8 years of a "black man in his White House", I let loose. There was no way I could accept his under wraps racism any further. After a long argument on the phone, he eventually called me a "college educated West Coast brainwashed liberal" lol. I told him I would wear that title proudly since I was the first in my family to attain a college education and have always been an independent woman. We have not been together for years. I did go visit him in the hospital when he had cardiac surgery, but it was an icy reception from him and I could tell our relationship was done. I no longer inquire about him or his family to my younger sister, as she stays in contact with him somewhat. It is painful in some respects, but I just can't sit around a table with his entire family feeling the same way about me. The solitude I have at 71 is much more comforting than any hate that would be directed at me from across a holiday table. I will spend the day in meditation and eating little as my concerns currently are for those who are starving in Gaza and the Sudan. I contribute to the Soup Kitchen on the ground in Gaza and will not be spending mass quantities on food that will eventually be tossed as leftovers no one wants. Hope your holiday is a peaceful one John. I always enjoy your writings and share many. 💜
Comforting Solitude: Beautiful Jan! Wishing you peace with your very wise, "college educated West Coast liberalism":)
My sister (only sibling) went full MAGA long before it was a thing. This was back in the 90s. She would call or email me constantly and couldn't get far past "Hello" without going on a religious and RWNJ screed. She finally shouted over the phone that if I didn't change my mind, she would disown me. I took her up on it. Other than my father's death, we haven't spoken in decades. Turns out that she alienated the entire family.
Jan, Thank You for sharing your story. As John writes today: “Sometimes restoration happens, sometimes reconciliation comes, and sometimes it just sucks.” Whereas the gloom of an absent relationship can fill your entire being, I hope you experience some moments where you are “Surprised by Joy” as the poet Wordsworth notes.
God bless you.
My empty chair this year is for my daughter Amity who suffers from an incurable disease and is bedridden. She’s also transgender and this election has been excruciating for her.
I suppose we hold empty chairs for all our queer chosen family who for some reason or another cannot be with family.
Please know you always have a place with me.
Praying for your daughter and all the families who won’t be seeing their kids this holiday season
🫂
I am a 70 year old political junkie since Watergate and my initial major of Political Science at Arizona State Univ. I am definitely in the minority in believing that families with even extreme polarizing opinions should be able to get together and talk. If people who will always love one another even through periods of not liking AT ALL that person and respecting even less their beliefs can't sit and have respectful dialogue, then our society's chances of moving forward are slim to none.
We all get our news from our own sources now, not like back in the day we all watched Walter Cronkite or Huntley-Brinkley and then read from the same paper in the morning. Those days are over. We need to exchange ideas. We need to listen, respectfully to others. In the end, most likely positions won't change much but at least each side would have a glimpse of the others' point of view.
That being said, I have a sibling that I would love to have this kind of talk with but have been unable to for a decade now. I want to ask him serious questions and then listen to him defend his support for a sociopath, convicted felon, lying, etc. etc.(I can go on forever). At the end i just want him to know that I will always love him as my brother but that I have zero respect for his thought process.
Some day. But not this Thanksgiving as he and his cult are celebrating by themselves.
I love your attitude. Thank you so much.
Thank you. I trust the light in me will return, but right now I need to be sad.
I am the empty chair. My family thinks I am too 'woke'. I say 'thank you'. Happy Thanksgiving!
🫂
I am always moved by your comments. You have a way of reflecting on things that touch my heart. I hope you will continue to provide us insights and support. We will need it as we try to navigate the next period in our country's journey. I hope you have a Thanksgiving filled with peace and love.
I am going to only accept joy this Thanksgiving. Kids grandkids and other family members are gathering together. No politics zone for the day. Only calm.
Yes, I have a sign taped to my front door that says, "leave your politics and drama at the door".💙
How very wise.
Thank you for this.
Wishing you a holy Thanksgiving in every way possible.
I will be alone this Thanksgiving, as my son and his wife will spend the day with his father (my ex-husband) and his wife, and a multitude of their neighbors and friends. This apparently is how they do holidays, which makes it difficult for any family time with our children. My daughter is living in Iceland with her husband: we will likely have a nice FaceTime visit. My eldest daughter passed away March 2019, and my husband died the same year in October. I miss having my kitchen filled with family, all helping with the meal prep, and all the laughter that accompanies the work. I am making a conscious choice to be happy: I’m planning to grill a nice steak and eat on my good china and drink wine from my best crystal. I will be thankful that the empty chairs are not due to angry family breakups.
As a 70 year old woman parsing a lifetime of unfathomable joy and deep unknowable despair, I've discovered each empty chair harbors sorrow.
While sentiments occupy my empty chairs, those who made their choice are let go with acceptance, love and grace.
I remain forever grateful for their presence in my life.
❤️🩹 Peace and good to you & yours, John. Thank you for modeling genuine Christ- likeness.
Very nice
I identify with each one of these empty chairs...an adult child that won't speak to me unless money is needed (but isn't paid back), my brother, my brother-in-law, and my son-in-law who left this world far too soon. My 1st relationship in 11 years that was brutally severed. Please don't misunderstand, I know there are many in this world that have it far worse than I do. Nevertheless, there will be several empty chairs that are filled with a broken heart, and an ache that never really goes away. I HAVE to look/talk to God, and say, here you go God, I'm giving this to you, I'm placing this in your more than capable hands. Then stay present so I recognize when I've picked that burden back up, and once again give it back to God. 💙
🫂
Our empty chair belongs to an extraordinary woman—Elizabeth, my wife of 53 years, my partner in a 30 year military career and a loving Mom, Nana, Aunt and forever friend to many. She went home to God in late December 2023 and this will be our first holiday season with her here only in spirit. As a family, we have not become estranged over politics, probably because we believe “there is more that unites us than divides us”. Oh yeah, and because we are family.
Thank you John. Permission, support, given w great kindness..
You continue to reward my attachment to your writings ..
Be well dear man.