You may actually be a lucky one John. At 83 I've realized that I am too old to move, despite my fear (and loathing) of what this country might become. The idea of packing up 80+ years of living next year if we are subjected to an autocratic idiot is beyond my comprehension. I am lucky that I live in California and so my grand kids are not subjected to unholy laws...yet. I fear for my country. I fear for future generations. And it all sounds so hollow, to just be fearful and impotent and to not be able to offer anything of substance or worth. And I look at children who are being deprived of a decent education PURPOSELY so that they remain pliable and unable to think critically and I want to cry. Do you know that the present generation cannot read cursive? Trivial? Perhaps, but I was stunned to have my grandson say "G-ma, can you read this for me?" And the clown show that has become the Republican party is downright embarrassing. The greed on display is despicable but real. Like you, I despair, but then know that it would be wrong and so I keep holding on. But for what?? I doubt I would make it through to help rebuild. Like you, I'm a nomad.
Lynn, all you can do is use the day that you have and in the small and close of your life, work to make this place what you wish it was or dream it could be. No compassion or decency or goodness is wasted.
Yes, John, and I know you are correct. But what bothers me is that it seems insufficient to help 6 people when 6 million + need help. Think I must have some kind of a god-complex, cause I just want to solve everything and get on to living the end of my life. And it doesn't seem "fair" that so many people are suffering and subjected to unimaginable indignities while I still have a house over my head, no dead children, and food to eat. How can a god oversee that? I certainly did nothing to deserve that. I would like to understand how this can be so one-sided. I was lucky enough to not be born in Gaza, but I had absolutely NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT DECISION. None of us do. I just don't understand . It certainly is not fair. Perhaps that's the fulcrum! The world is not fair, despite what we have been told through religion and myths. It would perhaps come closer to 'fair" were we to be equal and "fair' to all others. But we tend not to be. Unless we follow what you are now espousing...which why I am now here on this platform. -
My husband died of pancreatic cancer in May 2022 and was ill throughout the pandemic. I was his one and only caregiver and he was not an easy man to live with before or after his diagnosis. It was isolating, to say the least, with a small cadre of those who offered support. Since his death, I have discovered who my *real* friends are. It has not been as jarring as the first time when "friends" deserted us during a devastating family crisis. The first time, I was furious. How dare they abandon me, us, my kid? This time, my response is not angry, it's more like, "Of course. That's who they are. They were never MY friends. It was all transactional." I can't change them, as the Serenity Prayer says, so I've changed me. Of course they are that way. I just didn't see it before. Now the blinders are off--and I'm grateful they are gone from my life. I still have my family and my drive or die friends. This weekend, I adopted two senior black cats from the Humane Society. They are shy. They've been abandoned repeatedly. Once they get used to this idea of a forever home, we will be good for each other and me, along with my silly pugs, my orchids, and my writing. Take joy in the small gifts. That's the best advice I can give to anyone at this point in life. The small gifts are often the best ones.
I think we don't help people understand grief or prepare to help those suffering loss for the long term. In a protracted illness, many people fall away, either because they're worried they'll say the wrong thing, are uncomfortable around sickness, or get pulled into their own little worlds. Some people may hang on until the funeral but many just aren't capable of understanding how to relate to someone after the kind of loss you've experienced. I'm sorry you've walked this road but hope you have found and are finding people who are here for the long haul.
I to. am restless. Dream of a place with less racism, schools where there is more recess time, elderly care institutions that don't charge $100 for a blood pressure check or an injection. I'm scared of the horror of a nursing home in this country. Elderly are put away. I don't recognize this coin. I feel little patriotism married to a Vet. I want to throw my phone, computer , TV to the bottom of a lake and go off into the woods outside this country. I wish I had your hope. Countries are full of ppl. Are citizens of this country more evil, selfish, greedy?
You're not alone, Teresa. I and millions of others feel this sense of loss and outrage. In fact, that's the place I find hope. You're here and you're not OK with this. I'm here and I'm not. Tens of millions of people are here and not OK with it. That's why we keep going.
I'm struggling to keep going. I've volunteered for the poor, disabled and hungry my whole life. Donated everything to education. Former church attendee. I can't get my legs under me. I can no longer feel I'm making a difference except to give to those I know personally that are not in the position of privilege I am. Friends that struggle for medical. Friends that are older or sick. Lightning please strike me and give me a power. I'm giving away every damn possession I own. Things I once valued no longer have meaning.
John, I may be living in a bubble, but the times I feel that sense of lostness are primarily when I watch the news, especially the political news on channels such as MSNBC. On those occasions I have an inward struggle of how I should feel about what is going on. On the one hand, I sense the feeling of lament that you so eloquently expressed. But on the other, I look around me in my family, neighborhood, friendships, and the larger community and do not sense that same feeling of lament and tell myself that the media is putting spin on events that are not as bad as they would like us to believe. In fact, Rachel Maddow has done an excellent job in reminding us that we have faced these times before in our national history. And I fondly recall the popular song of my youth "Eve of Destruction" which was soon followed by the song of rebuttal called "Dawn of Correction".
So, it helps to remind myself that human history has and will always have dark moments, but every day of my life will also have its moments that I can be grateful for, people around me that are doing wonderful things for our community, and expressions of the divine in the natural world that remind me that there is hope, even in a messy world. As you say.... it is a Beautiful mess!
Great words and sentiments, Barry. Yes, the challenge is to stay informed but to right-size the threats. While I do feel we are in an extremely precarious place politically, we do have to keep living well and not allow ourselves to be consumed with worry about the future. A huge tension, for sure.
You may actually be a lucky one John. At 83 I've realized that I am too old to move, despite my fear (and loathing) of what this country might become. The idea of packing up 80+ years of living next year if we are subjected to an autocratic idiot is beyond my comprehension. I am lucky that I live in California and so my grand kids are not subjected to unholy laws...yet. I fear for my country. I fear for future generations. And it all sounds so hollow, to just be fearful and impotent and to not be able to offer anything of substance or worth. And I look at children who are being deprived of a decent education PURPOSELY so that they remain pliable and unable to think critically and I want to cry. Do you know that the present generation cannot read cursive? Trivial? Perhaps, but I was stunned to have my grandson say "G-ma, can you read this for me?" And the clown show that has become the Republican party is downright embarrassing. The greed on display is despicable but real. Like you, I despair, but then know that it would be wrong and so I keep holding on. But for what?? I doubt I would make it through to help rebuild. Like you, I'm a nomad.
Lynn, all you can do is use the day that you have and in the small and close of your life, work to make this place what you wish it was or dream it could be. No compassion or decency or goodness is wasted.
Yes, John, and I know you are correct. But what bothers me is that it seems insufficient to help 6 people when 6 million + need help. Think I must have some kind of a god-complex, cause I just want to solve everything and get on to living the end of my life. And it doesn't seem "fair" that so many people are suffering and subjected to unimaginable indignities while I still have a house over my head, no dead children, and food to eat. How can a god oversee that? I certainly did nothing to deserve that. I would like to understand how this can be so one-sided. I was lucky enough to not be born in Gaza, but I had absolutely NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT DECISION. None of us do. I just don't understand . It certainly is not fair. Perhaps that's the fulcrum! The world is not fair, despite what we have been told through religion and myths. It would perhaps come closer to 'fair" were we to be equal and "fair' to all others. But we tend not to be. Unless we follow what you are now espousing...which why I am now here on this platform. -
My husband died of pancreatic cancer in May 2022 and was ill throughout the pandemic. I was his one and only caregiver and he was not an easy man to live with before or after his diagnosis. It was isolating, to say the least, with a small cadre of those who offered support. Since his death, I have discovered who my *real* friends are. It has not been as jarring as the first time when "friends" deserted us during a devastating family crisis. The first time, I was furious. How dare they abandon me, us, my kid? This time, my response is not angry, it's more like, "Of course. That's who they are. They were never MY friends. It was all transactional." I can't change them, as the Serenity Prayer says, so I've changed me. Of course they are that way. I just didn't see it before. Now the blinders are off--and I'm grateful they are gone from my life. I still have my family and my drive or die friends. This weekend, I adopted two senior black cats from the Humane Society. They are shy. They've been abandoned repeatedly. Once they get used to this idea of a forever home, we will be good for each other and me, along with my silly pugs, my orchids, and my writing. Take joy in the small gifts. That's the best advice I can give to anyone at this point in life. The small gifts are often the best ones.
I think we don't help people understand grief or prepare to help those suffering loss for the long term. In a protracted illness, many people fall away, either because they're worried they'll say the wrong thing, are uncomfortable around sickness, or get pulled into their own little worlds. Some people may hang on until the funeral but many just aren't capable of understanding how to relate to someone after the kind of loss you've experienced. I'm sorry you've walked this road but hope you have found and are finding people who are here for the long haul.
Thank you.
I to. am restless. Dream of a place with less racism, schools where there is more recess time, elderly care institutions that don't charge $100 for a blood pressure check or an injection. I'm scared of the horror of a nursing home in this country. Elderly are put away. I don't recognize this coin. I feel little patriotism married to a Vet. I want to throw my phone, computer , TV to the bottom of a lake and go off into the woods outside this country. I wish I had your hope. Countries are full of ppl. Are citizens of this country more evil, selfish, greedy?
You're not alone, Teresa. I and millions of others feel this sense of loss and outrage. In fact, that's the place I find hope. You're here and you're not OK with this. I'm here and I'm not. Tens of millions of people are here and not OK with it. That's why we keep going.
I'm struggling to keep going. I've volunteered for the poor, disabled and hungry my whole life. Donated everything to education. Former church attendee. I can't get my legs under me. I can no longer feel I'm making a difference except to give to those I know personally that are not in the position of privilege I am. Friends that struggle for medical. Friends that are older or sick. Lightning please strike me and give me a power. I'm giving away every damn possession I own. Things I once valued no longer have meaning.
John, I may be living in a bubble, but the times I feel that sense of lostness are primarily when I watch the news, especially the political news on channels such as MSNBC. On those occasions I have an inward struggle of how I should feel about what is going on. On the one hand, I sense the feeling of lament that you so eloquently expressed. But on the other, I look around me in my family, neighborhood, friendships, and the larger community and do not sense that same feeling of lament and tell myself that the media is putting spin on events that are not as bad as they would like us to believe. In fact, Rachel Maddow has done an excellent job in reminding us that we have faced these times before in our national history. And I fondly recall the popular song of my youth "Eve of Destruction" which was soon followed by the song of rebuttal called "Dawn of Correction".
So, it helps to remind myself that human history has and will always have dark moments, but every day of my life will also have its moments that I can be grateful for, people around me that are doing wonderful things for our community, and expressions of the divine in the natural world that remind me that there is hope, even in a messy world. As you say.... it is a Beautiful mess!
Great words and sentiments, Barry. Yes, the challenge is to stay informed but to right-size the threats. While I do feel we are in an extremely precarious place politically, we do have to keep living well and not allow ourselves to be consumed with worry about the future. A huge tension, for sure.
Yes, thank you. Moving from “hiraeth” to hope.
*Hiraeth: Welsh word for the kind of longing you describe.
Can’t leave- won’t leave. Because we’re capable of so much better.