Much of the anti-LGBTQ+ argument rests on the issue of 'choice'. We are told that 'people choose to be gay', for example. And that, of course, is a 'sin'.
Now, even according to the Evangenitals' ** own standards, something is only a 'sin' if you can choose to do it or not to do it. For me, there is an interesting point here. If those Christians who think about these things 'think' that being gay, for example, is a 'choice', I wonder if they think that because they feel they have that choice themselves?
For me, a straight man, I cannot imagine ever 'going with' another man. It's the way I am wired; for me, there is no choice. It's women only for me.
But, for those who imagine that there *is* a choice, doesn't that suggest that they themselves feel that *they* have a choice, and therefore maybe they are not quite as straight as they think they are? Maybe they are bisexual, at the very least?
Because, for a true straight person, there is no choice; a straight person cannot imagine there ever being a choice. And therefore those who think that gay people *make* that choice are likely on the LGBTQ+ spectrum themselves.
And that's something they will not only want to keep hidden, but; like with Pharisees from time immemorial, they condemn in others the very 'sins' they themselves are guilty of, even if it is only in secret. Or maybe even that they don't know about themselves.
** Evangenitals are Evangelical Christians who have an unhealthy obsession with what other people do with their own private parts ;)
Tony, I agree with you 100%. I had not, however, thought of the issue like this before. Since I was in college (& met a couple of gay people-I am old so only knew a few openly gay people), I have known they didn’t choose their sexuality just like I didn’t(straight). Your comment has really put the hatred of LGBTQ+ folks in a new light. Thanks.
Yeah, except gender identity and sexuality can be fluid. So to some extent, it is a choice for some people. And labels such as “ heterosexual” and “female” are stupid, rigid, unimaginative, and are only insisted upon by bigots attempting to divide us and attack 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈 folxs as “other.”
Please remember that being a Christian is a choice. No one is born a bigoted Evangelical Christian. People choose every day by their actions and their words whether to be a Christian or a Jew or a Muslim or an atheist or a druid.
So this whole “choice” argument is unhelpful and irrelevant.
John can not thank you enough forwords of truth and kindness. My grandkid is transgender and I pray for daily to be accepted loved by all her family and friends.
As a married lesbian, this writing hits at the heart of the problem. My sister-in-law says “Oh, I love you!” But then doesn’t agree that I deserve to be married to my same gender spouse. I don’t know how these evangelicals live with themselves .
Jon, this message is so needed in our country right now! We recently left our church of over 15 yrs because while they talk about how they are “open to all” and actually advertise this on social media they do not call out the hatred we are seeing in our country. Don’t say you are inclusive if you do not call out MAGA. Don’t brag about how your congregation is evenly divided between Democrats and “Republicans” therefore you’re welcoming of all and can’t criticize hateful rhetoric and behavior. Calling the MAGA party Republican is ridiculous in today’s world. If you don’t condemn the anti-Christian policies of that party you are, at the least, complicit and, at worst, condoning. This church is huge and does A LOT of charity work (we were volunteers in various missions over the years). At first I thought about all the good they do I the community (& frankly around the world) so I kept my head down. Then, one day a couple of weeks before the ’24 election, I arrived early at the church owned volunteer site and the team leader was blasting a right wing podcast. Absolutely full of hate towards POC, women, etc.-you can imagine. I was so shocked I just started working. He turned it off as other people arrived and said sorry this is so loud. Again, I was so shocked I didn’t say anything-I am ashamed that I didn’t. We stopped attending. Someone did call a few weeks later to ask what was wrong, I told them, and they apologized. Afterwards, I said I was glad they at least missed us. However, my spouse pointed out he did not make our annual donation the week before. (We have always made our donation commitment once a year in a fall donation.) So, basically they called when they did not get our money. I do go back one day several weeks ago to volunteer and just felt uneasy the entire time. Never going back again.
We are now seeking volunteer opportunities elsewhere. We have been watching Restore Austin church (Zach Lambert’s church) remotely and it has been wonderful-tho we live over 700 miles from Austin. Our spiritual life is healing and we will move forward with love for all (feelings & actions), as Jesus has shown us.
P.S. We recognize that we are white & straight, so our path is smoother than others.
Glad you found somewhere else, even though it's remote access. You do not have to attend a church at all, much less actually in person, and those who claim you *do* have (of course, quoting the relevant Bible passages at you!) to are usually just after your money, your time or both!
You can’t be a 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈 ally if you think queer folxs need to “ turn down the rhetoric of gender ideology” or “soften their stance on gender identity.” Many so-called “allies” genuinely believe, and aren’t afraid to say, that 🏳️⚧️ folks have “gone too far” in pursuit of visibility, acceptance, and equality. If you are made uncomfortable or get angry at pronouns, women in pants and men in dresses, unisex bathrooms and homosexual sex - that’s your fucking problem. The best way to deal with your anger and discomfort is to learn. And learning is really easy and fun.
If you claim allyship yet are too dumb to understand the difference between gender and sex, or that gender is a social construct, or that gender identity and sexuality can be fluid - you are NOT an ally. Stop telling queer folks they need to slow down and wait for the rest of us to catch up and get used to the idea of their presence in straight, cis society. That is the EXACT excuse used to keep black Americans disenfranchised and oppressed.
The only 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈 agenda is equity, safety and legal protection. That’s it. 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈 folxs don’t want and aren’t seeking anything that was not automatically granted to a cisgendered, heterosexual, white Christian man the moment he was born.
Absolutely no one would tell a straight person or a white man or a Christian or a vegetarian or a left-handed person - “Slow Down! Be patient with the rest of us who don’t understand and aren’t ready to learn! Stop shoving your differences in our faces and give us our safe places where we don’t have to acknowledge that you are not like us. Give us time to be comfortable with the idea of possibly maybe someday deigning to slowly give you the rights the rest of us have never had to fight for!”
And FFS always remember and loudly scream that it was the maggots who used 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈 folxs as a scare tactic to steal an election, and continue to erase them both legally and physically from America.
These are not difficult concepts. Children understand them. Why can’t most Americans?
I'm always wary of 'You can't be a....[whatever] if/unless you [whatever]' statements. Each person has different requirements and callings. If you exclude people from your group of allies/supporters by declaring that your criteria are the only ones that matter, then you will run out of allies pretty darn quick. Let people be themselves and help in whatever way they can!
Nope. Growing up in the south, I can’t tell you how often I heard, and how perfectly acceptable it was to say “I’m not racist, I just don’t like black people.” Or, “I’m ok with gays but I just don’t need to know about them.”
I didn’t say my criteria were the only ones that mattered. I’m sure I left some important ally requirements out. But I enumerated some of the basics required of 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈allies.
You understand the difference between necessary and sufficient, right?
You can’t seriously be saying that some people can be 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈 allies, even if they don’t support gay marriage or GAC or 🏳️⚧️girls in sports. That’s like saying you can be a Christian even if you don’t believe Jesus was the son of God.
The criteria I listed are (at least some of) the sine qua non requirements for those claiming to stand in solidarity with 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈.
Cisgendered heterosexual people do not get to decide that whatever they think or do makes them 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈 allies.
White people don’t get to decide what allyship with the BIPOC community looks like.
Goys don’t get to tell Jews and Muslims “hey I’m being myself and helping however I can” and expect to be rewarded with a pat on the back and a cookie unless they are an ally in the ways Jews and Muslims need them to be.
Minority and oppressed communities decide what they need from the rest of us. We don’t tell them what an Ally looks like. They tell us. And if we are true allies, we give them what they are telling us they need us to do.
I quit going to my Methodist church years ago when the pastor did an entire sermon on the evils of homosexuality. Not divorce, mind you - too many of his parishioners were divorced and had remarried.
Somehow, the same people that preach they want State autonomy, no Fed gov, "get out of my yard and don't tell me what to do"...then micromanage bathrooms, bedrooms, health, weight, religion, language, color of skin, job status and location, friends, family, locality of living, also arrest people for practicing free speech (while yelling free speech). I personally prefer to support strong political figures and movements, with platforms and organization. Always encourage people to become active, but do have concerns when we push against or judge quiet resistance. Quiet can often carry great influence.
My stepson is transgender. His dad and I have been allies since he came out a few years ago (he’s 22 now). In trying to keep him safe (we live in a blue area of a blue state, so it’s more important than ever now!), I drive him to and from work, encourage him to get his hair cut shorter, in a more masculine style, make sure he does his T injections weekly, make sure he has enough trans tape, find LGBTQ+ activities (a local monthly group, parades, cafes that are gay-friendly, etc)… I’m retired, so I’ll stay with him when he goes through top surgery.
Etsy has some great Safe Space/Ally stickers and tee shirts on their website.
Thank you for drawing the line in the sand for all the "fake Christians" out there who continue to deny the humanity of the LGBTQ+ community. It's a non-negotiable, and I refuse to negotiate it any more with my so-called Christian friends. You are either in or you ain't. Enough said.
The right wing media has been successful in instilling fear in people for LGBTQ people. In a discussion w my adult kids, the first thing out of my dils mouth was the bathroom issue. She was raised in evangelical community, is not in there anymore, but that’s the first thought they had. I pointed out that any trans person would use a stall… a biological male in a women’s bathroom—-no urinal!! Still stuck to their guns.
Indoctrination in Calvinism of course I wouldn't choose for even more oppression.. which is exactly what I've received for my whole life.. I fall in love with the person.. I don't think other just like I don't see color as different.. my (family) are so I'm for the state of the Union and I find THAT AN AWFUL CHOICE!
Our Soldotna community Pride 2025 event was safe, fun, and included a lot of families. It's a tradition for me since 1988. This was my fourth walk 2miles. It was important enough that I made creative, supportive signs. We laughed and blew bubbles. I am tuning out the news and savoring the joy I experienced today. If you haven't yet, go do gay things. It's important. Have fun!
This is a very easy to read and understand essay. I have no issue with the LBG_Q+ community. People just need to mind their own business. However notice I left out the T in the acronym. I am personally struggling with a young girl (17) that I personally know, who is going though the process of changing gender to male. A very pretty girl who already has had her breasts surgically removed and is receiving drugs which will cause her/him to grow facial hair and deepen her/his voice. I feel this is mutilation of a young beautiful girl. And for what? I am convinced that psychological counselling is much more appropriate in this and most of these situations. I write this not out of hate, but from genuine personal struggle...
Imagine waking up one day in the wrong body. You now have the opposite body parts you went to sleep with. Do you feel uncomfortable? Wouldn’t you do everything you could to try and get back to your “real” body? This is just a taste of what a transgender person goes through.
Now imagine being harassed, threatened, bullied, dismissed. Why would you choose to go through that voluntarily?
Being trans is not a choice, it’s not a whim, it’s not a “phase” they’ll grow out of. It’s physically and emotionally painful to live in a body that you do not feel is right.
You’re entitled to your feelings. But, each time you tell this person they’re a beautiful girl, etc, you’re hurting them. I know this from experience. My stepson is trans, and has been on T for a little over a year. In their former body, they were indeed beautiful. I wondered why, before they came out, they would fight me when I’d tell them that. Now I know.
Much of the anti-LGBTQ+ argument rests on the issue of 'choice'. We are told that 'people choose to be gay', for example. And that, of course, is a 'sin'.
Now, even according to the Evangenitals' ** own standards, something is only a 'sin' if you can choose to do it or not to do it. For me, there is an interesting point here. If those Christians who think about these things 'think' that being gay, for example, is a 'choice', I wonder if they think that because they feel they have that choice themselves?
For me, a straight man, I cannot imagine ever 'going with' another man. It's the way I am wired; for me, there is no choice. It's women only for me.
But, for those who imagine that there *is* a choice, doesn't that suggest that they themselves feel that *they* have a choice, and therefore maybe they are not quite as straight as they think they are? Maybe they are bisexual, at the very least?
Because, for a true straight person, there is no choice; a straight person cannot imagine there ever being a choice. And therefore those who think that gay people *make* that choice are likely on the LGBTQ+ spectrum themselves.
And that's something they will not only want to keep hidden, but; like with Pharisees from time immemorial, they condemn in others the very 'sins' they themselves are guilty of, even if it is only in secret. Or maybe even that they don't know about themselves.
** Evangenitals are Evangelical Christians who have an unhealthy obsession with what other people do with their own private parts ;)
Tony, I agree with you 100%. I had not, however, thought of the issue like this before. Since I was in college (& met a couple of gay people-I am old so only knew a few openly gay people), I have known they didn’t choose their sexuality just like I didn’t(straight). Your comment has really put the hatred of LGBTQ+ folks in a new light. Thanks.
Yeah, except gender identity and sexuality can be fluid. So to some extent, it is a choice for some people. And labels such as “ heterosexual” and “female” are stupid, rigid, unimaginative, and are only insisted upon by bigots attempting to divide us and attack 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈 folxs as “other.”
Please remember that being a Christian is a choice. No one is born a bigoted Evangelical Christian. People choose every day by their actions and their words whether to be a Christian or a Jew or a Muslim or an atheist or a druid.
So this whole “choice” argument is unhelpful and irrelevant.
Exactly. That's what I was meaning! It's just that the Fundies don't seem to (or choose not to) understand it.
John can not thank you enough forwords of truth and kindness. My grandkid is transgender and I pray for daily to be accepted loved by all her family and friends.
As a married lesbian, this writing hits at the heart of the problem. My sister-in-law says “Oh, I love you!” But then doesn’t agree that I deserve to be married to my same gender spouse. I don’t know how these evangelicals live with themselves .
Jon, this message is so needed in our country right now! We recently left our church of over 15 yrs because while they talk about how they are “open to all” and actually advertise this on social media they do not call out the hatred we are seeing in our country. Don’t say you are inclusive if you do not call out MAGA. Don’t brag about how your congregation is evenly divided between Democrats and “Republicans” therefore you’re welcoming of all and can’t criticize hateful rhetoric and behavior. Calling the MAGA party Republican is ridiculous in today’s world. If you don’t condemn the anti-Christian policies of that party you are, at the least, complicit and, at worst, condoning. This church is huge and does A LOT of charity work (we were volunteers in various missions over the years). At first I thought about all the good they do I the community (& frankly around the world) so I kept my head down. Then, one day a couple of weeks before the ’24 election, I arrived early at the church owned volunteer site and the team leader was blasting a right wing podcast. Absolutely full of hate towards POC, women, etc.-you can imagine. I was so shocked I just started working. He turned it off as other people arrived and said sorry this is so loud. Again, I was so shocked I didn’t say anything-I am ashamed that I didn’t. We stopped attending. Someone did call a few weeks later to ask what was wrong, I told them, and they apologized. Afterwards, I said I was glad they at least missed us. However, my spouse pointed out he did not make our annual donation the week before. (We have always made our donation commitment once a year in a fall donation.) So, basically they called when they did not get our money. I do go back one day several weeks ago to volunteer and just felt uneasy the entire time. Never going back again.
We are now seeking volunteer opportunities elsewhere. We have been watching Restore Austin church (Zach Lambert’s church) remotely and it has been wonderful-tho we live over 700 miles from Austin. Our spiritual life is healing and we will move forward with love for all (feelings & actions), as Jesus has shown us.
P.S. We recognize that we are white & straight, so our path is smoother than others.
God Bless.
Glad you found somewhere else, even though it's remote access. You do not have to attend a church at all, much less actually in person, and those who claim you *do* have (of course, quoting the relevant Bible passages at you!) to are usually just after your money, your time or both!
I agree! Thanks.
You can’t be a 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈 ally if you think queer folxs need to “ turn down the rhetoric of gender ideology” or “soften their stance on gender identity.” Many so-called “allies” genuinely believe, and aren’t afraid to say, that 🏳️⚧️ folks have “gone too far” in pursuit of visibility, acceptance, and equality. If you are made uncomfortable or get angry at pronouns, women in pants and men in dresses, unisex bathrooms and homosexual sex - that’s your fucking problem. The best way to deal with your anger and discomfort is to learn. And learning is really easy and fun.
If you claim allyship yet are too dumb to understand the difference between gender and sex, or that gender is a social construct, or that gender identity and sexuality can be fluid - you are NOT an ally. Stop telling queer folks they need to slow down and wait for the rest of us to catch up and get used to the idea of their presence in straight, cis society. That is the EXACT excuse used to keep black Americans disenfranchised and oppressed.
The only 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈 agenda is equity, safety and legal protection. That’s it. 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈 folxs don’t want and aren’t seeking anything that was not automatically granted to a cisgendered, heterosexual, white Christian man the moment he was born.
Absolutely no one would tell a straight person or a white man or a Christian or a vegetarian or a left-handed person - “Slow Down! Be patient with the rest of us who don’t understand and aren’t ready to learn! Stop shoving your differences in our faces and give us our safe places where we don’t have to acknowledge that you are not like us. Give us time to be comfortable with the idea of possibly maybe someday deigning to slowly give you the rights the rest of us have never had to fight for!”
And FFS always remember and loudly scream that it was the maggots who used 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈 folxs as a scare tactic to steal an election, and continue to erase them both legally and physically from America.
These are not difficult concepts. Children understand them. Why can’t most Americans?
I'm always wary of 'You can't be a....[whatever] if/unless you [whatever]' statements. Each person has different requirements and callings. If you exclude people from your group of allies/supporters by declaring that your criteria are the only ones that matter, then you will run out of allies pretty darn quick. Let people be themselves and help in whatever way they can!
Nope. Growing up in the south, I can’t tell you how often I heard, and how perfectly acceptable it was to say “I’m not racist, I just don’t like black people.” Or, “I’m ok with gays but I just don’t need to know about them.”
I didn’t say my criteria were the only ones that mattered. I’m sure I left some important ally requirements out. But I enumerated some of the basics required of 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈allies.
You understand the difference between necessary and sufficient, right?
You can’t seriously be saying that some people can be 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈 allies, even if they don’t support gay marriage or GAC or 🏳️⚧️girls in sports. That’s like saying you can be a Christian even if you don’t believe Jesus was the son of God.
The criteria I listed are (at least some of) the sine qua non requirements for those claiming to stand in solidarity with 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈.
Cisgendered heterosexual people do not get to decide that whatever they think or do makes them 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈 allies.
White people don’t get to decide what allyship with the BIPOC community looks like.
Goys don’t get to tell Jews and Muslims “hey I’m being myself and helping however I can” and expect to be rewarded with a pat on the back and a cookie unless they are an ally in the ways Jews and Muslims need them to be.
Minority and oppressed communities decide what they need from the rest of us. We don’t tell them what an Ally looks like. They tell us. And if we are true allies, we give them what they are telling us they need us to do.
I quit going to my Methodist church years ago when the pastor did an entire sermon on the evils of homosexuality. Not divorce, mind you - too many of his parishioners were divorced and had remarried.
Somehow, the same people that preach they want State autonomy, no Fed gov, "get out of my yard and don't tell me what to do"...then micromanage bathrooms, bedrooms, health, weight, religion, language, color of skin, job status and location, friends, family, locality of living, also arrest people for practicing free speech (while yelling free speech). I personally prefer to support strong political figures and movements, with platforms and organization. Always encourage people to become active, but do have concerns when we push against or judge quiet resistance. Quiet can often carry great influence.
Yes. This is the truth. Clear guidance. Thanks!
My stepson is transgender. His dad and I have been allies since he came out a few years ago (he’s 22 now). In trying to keep him safe (we live in a blue area of a blue state, so it’s more important than ever now!), I drive him to and from work, encourage him to get his hair cut shorter, in a more masculine style, make sure he does his T injections weekly, make sure he has enough trans tape, find LGBTQ+ activities (a local monthly group, parades, cafes that are gay-friendly, etc)… I’m retired, so I’ll stay with him when he goes through top surgery.
Etsy has some great Safe Space/Ally stickers and tee shirts on their website.
Thank you for drawing the line in the sand for all the "fake Christians" out there who continue to deny the humanity of the LGBTQ+ community. It's a non-negotiable, and I refuse to negotiate it any more with my so-called Christian friends. You are either in or you ain't. Enough said.
The right wing media has been successful in instilling fear in people for LGBTQ people. In a discussion w my adult kids, the first thing out of my dils mouth was the bathroom issue. She was raised in evangelical community, is not in there anymore, but that’s the first thought they had. I pointed out that any trans person would use a stall… a biological male in a women’s bathroom—-no urinal!! Still stuck to their guns.
TRUTH. Thanks, John.
Indoctrination in Calvinism of course I wouldn't choose for even more oppression.. which is exactly what I've received for my whole life.. I fall in love with the person.. I don't think other just like I don't see color as different.. my (family) are so I'm for the state of the Union and I find THAT AN AWFUL CHOICE!
What a beautiful phrase: “I fall in love with the person.” Thank you.
Yes... I don't label myself.. I'm just me.. check out my profile photo . That sums it up🥴
Love your profile photo
Our Soldotna community Pride 2025 event was safe, fun, and included a lot of families. It's a tradition for me since 1988. This was my fourth walk 2miles. It was important enough that I made creative, supportive signs. We laughed and blew bubbles. I am tuning out the news and savoring the joy I experienced today. If you haven't yet, go do gay things. It's important. Have fun!
Yes! I’m sickened by the hateful hypocrisy of the religious right. https://melishughes.substack.com/p/love-thy-neighbor-some-restrictions?r=1lymx
This is a very easy to read and understand essay. I have no issue with the LBG_Q+ community. People just need to mind their own business. However notice I left out the T in the acronym. I am personally struggling with a young girl (17) that I personally know, who is going though the process of changing gender to male. A very pretty girl who already has had her breasts surgically removed and is receiving drugs which will cause her/him to grow facial hair and deepen her/his voice. I feel this is mutilation of a young beautiful girl. And for what? I am convinced that psychological counselling is much more appropriate in this and most of these situations. I write this not out of hate, but from genuine personal struggle...
Imagine waking up one day in the wrong body. You now have the opposite body parts you went to sleep with. Do you feel uncomfortable? Wouldn’t you do everything you could to try and get back to your “real” body? This is just a taste of what a transgender person goes through.
Now imagine being harassed, threatened, bullied, dismissed. Why would you choose to go through that voluntarily?
Being trans is not a choice, it’s not a whim, it’s not a “phase” they’ll grow out of. It’s physically and emotionally painful to live in a body that you do not feel is right.
You’re entitled to your feelings. But, each time you tell this person they’re a beautiful girl, etc, you’re hurting them. I know this from experience. My stepson is trans, and has been on T for a little over a year. In their former body, they were indeed beautiful. I wondered why, before they came out, they would fight me when I’d tell them that. Now I know.