Love is the answer, and, from this non-Christian, the most valuable of Christ's teachings. Love thy neighbor as thyself is all-encompassing in its simplicity, I too hope that one day they will tire of the preaching and live by His words.
I am an average American woman, married to a man I love and adore. At the age of thirteen, I began playing the organ for church services every other Sunday. I sang in the choir and taught a Sunday School class.
In the autumn of my years, I moved to a lakeshore property in a neighboring state. I sought out a church and began attending services.
I loved the people at this new church and felt as if I had joined a new family.
Then, came communion Sunday. The man standing next to me turned and asked if I believed God created the heavens and the earth in seven days.
My answer was immediate, “Of course, I do.” Then I smiled and said, “I don’t know if it was seven of my days.”
Angrily, the conservative Christian blurted out, “You are not a Christian and you are not allowed to take communion with us!”
I was stunned by his response. Where I grew up, it was considered against Jesus’s teachings to judge others. Why husband and I remained seated as the rest of the congregation took communion.
I cried for weeks after that service. I have tried my entire life to live up to the teachings of the church. Mother drummed into me constantly that I should not judge others, lest I be judged. I believed her then, as I do still.
“But do not forget this one thing dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are are like a day.” 2 Peter 3:8
Peter’s words have been in my heart my entire life. They are what allow me to believe in both God and science. Why would a church refuse to honor my Christian upbringing and faith for simply integrating “The Word” into my modern life?
My faith does not depend on the acceptance of those who so willingly judge others and defy the word and love of God.
I LOVE your last paragraph. It is a great summation of what we are called to do--seek Jesus' acceptance and love, not being drawn in by others who would attack you and who do not embody his teachings.
I sorry that happened to you. When supposed "Christians" act or talk like this, I always think, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure Jesus wouldn't dig that." What would they say if I told them that? So far, I have not confronted anyone directly with those words, but I am building up to it--and bracing myself for an attack.
I know I will be tempted to judge these people every day. I pray I can honor His teachings and show simply love and forgiveness. This response will most certainly incite them further, but by doing so, I keep my promises to my God, who is a loving and forgiving God. Each of us will choose a path. I have chosen mine.
I believe it all comes down to freely sharing God’s love. In these final years, I find it easy to share God’s message with everyone. I choose the words which can’t be manipulated and repeat them to even the haters. After all, Matthew 18:20 “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” …even with the haters. I am simply sharing the good news as did Jesus and the disciples. In 2025, I think that’s the best we can do…share God’s teachings with love in our hearts.
"Peter’s words have been in my heart my entire life. They are what allow me to believe in both God and science."
Exactly. I spent most of my high school years (more than half a century ago) defending science while at church, and defending God while at school.
Then I learned to avoid the people who understood neither science nor God. That worked for a while but it's a coward's way out.
What I have since learned is how to tell the intractable from the teachable, to quit agonizing over the closed-minded, and to soften my responses to the open-minded and semi open-minded. I still spend too much time on the intractable, but there's always a hope that they will see things more clearly.
It's been a long time since I've been in a situation like you had, but that's because I actively avoid going to ultra conservative churches and since I haven't moved away in my golden years, I know where to avoid. But I do recall crying for weeks looking for a church I fit when I first moved here. I found one, it was a good fit for 40+ years, but it's changed since the rise of MAGA, and it's not home anymore. I'm using Covid and my fear of too many people in a small space to keep me from looking for a new church home. There are only two places I would consider, one is way too liberal (I think they are just a Sunday Social Society, nice people, but no real faith) and the other has too much hierarchy (I probably believe 99.9% of what's in their 'statement of faith' and basic rules of conduct, but I don't like any church telling me what I HAVE to believe). I have good friends in both places, so it will probably come down to where my Catholic-raise husband and somewhere on the autism spectrum son will want to go.
It is an excellent question, when will they tire of this? But how difficult it must be to step away from the comfort of a massive national tribe that will agree with your views, insist you are truly a victim of some trans or brown person somewhere who must've caused all unfulfillment in your life. The rightwing media machine that will confirm your bias, stroke every resentment and feed that fear monster. Church leaders assuring you this is the 'new unwoke Jesus' way to see others. (Trump's spokesperson Steven Cheung said their goal is 'full spectrum dominance' in all forms of communication.) They are completely inundated, so why would they bother giving up all that tasty dopamine and choosing a bitter deep dive of self-reflection? I wish I could have confidence, but I see the MAGA believers I know staying cozy in that cult bubble.
Re: Compulsory religion. How can anyone police that? A person coerced into a religion is not really a believer. They're just acting like one and likely resentful about it. All this will do is create quietly angry people who will likely come to hate Christianity in any form. 🤔
Sadly, today's "conservative christians" are really no different than the people behind the Inquisition, the Crusades, the Spanish conquest, colonization and forced conversion of the Mayas and Aztecs, and the so-called missionaries who forced conversion on Native Americans, indigenous Hawaiians and many other groups, often at the pain of death. The only difference today, is that those who are trying to force their beliefs on everyone else, don't have armies behind them (yet) to slaughter those who refuse to profess the faith of the conqueror. The conquerors have never represented the teachings of Jesus - Matthew 25:35-45 and to love our neighbor as ourselves. Today's conservative christians have co-opted the faith, but in reality, they are attempting to do the same terrible things that misguided zealots have been doing for centuries. Maybe someday they will be held in the same contempt as their predecessors. For now, we will continue to pray that those of us who truly try to live a Christian life will prevail, and that truthtellers like John Pavlovitz remain free to express themselves and spread the ministry of true Christian love.
I’ve learned a terrible truth about myself in living under this regime of cruelty: I am not capable of loving my enemies as I believed I was. Your post today shows me a way through my failure which is to pray for Conservative Christians to grow tired of their malice. Thank you for this invaluable tool, John
Of late I’ve been struggling with this feeling that I don’t know where I belong. It’s recently became clear to me why I’m having so much trouble.
I’m a retired nurse having had the ultimate opportunity to work at a large and highly respected pediatric (teaching) hospital for 32 years. During my “formative years” I worked in a diverse environment and met people from all over the world who brought their children to “my” hospital for lifesaving treatment. I had the privilege to meet people from other cultures that allowed me to learn and experience life from many different perspectives; a local Rastafarian family, a family from Mexico, many families from the UAE, Orthodox Jews from NY, and many other. Having worked in this setting, I’ve grown to appreciate the diversity of the world and because of this I don’t see variations of skin color, I see vivid colors - reflections of a unified community of love and acceptance.
I’ve been retired for almost 7years, and I’ve realized that all that is blurred because DT and his influencers have created a monochromatic state. When I go out, all I see are white people. It reminds me of The Jetson’s, for those of you old enough to remember, where everyone is the same robotic voice without character.
I realize that I no longer belong here (in the US), and now I understand why.
"When I survey the landscape of America right now, it seems grossly overpopulated with far too many religious people determined to make everyone else in their image by bullying them into compliance or shouting them into silence." I feel your pain, John. But what you said right here is the unfortunate history of humankind, not just a current America problem.
Ah yes, the Holy Exhaustion of Policing Sin—truly the cardio workout of the modern Pharisee. Watching some Conservative Christians sprint toward strangers' bedrooms with Bibles like spiritual hall monitors makes me wonder if they’ve confused the Gospel with a neighborhood watch program. Spoiler alert: Jesus didn’t ask you to install surveillance on someone else’s genitals.
It’s not holiness, it’s voyeurism with a halo.
You know what is exhausting? Being told by sanctimonious gatekeepers that your mere existence is an “agenda.” That loving someone without a church bulletin’s approval is an act of war. That your joy needs theological vetting. Honestly, if your salvation depends on regulating my pronouns, I hope Heaven has a customer service desk.
But here’s the cosmic joke: the very queers they condemn? They’re embodying the Beatitudes better than half the church board. They’re showing up, loving deeply, suffering well, and daring to dance anyway.
So yes, may they get tired—bone-deep tired—of being terrible. May they collapse into compassion like prodigal sons faceplanting into Grace. May they trade their gavel for empathy, their purity tests for picnic tables. And may they finally learn: the Kingdom of God isn’t gated—it’s glittered.
I do pray for them. Truly.
That their hearts break open instead of harden.
That they are haunted not by guilt, but by beauty.
That one day, mercy will startle them into awakening.
And that their transformation—should it ever come—
You have captured the spirit of all of us coming around to the kin-dom of God. In reading your list of hopes for your friend and other conservative Christians, I can also see areas where I need to open up and let go of things that are holding me back from unconditional love.
Well said! Just what god does this individual thinks he's obeying? The escalation of christian nationalist's actions and influence on the current regime to implement Project 2025 to define one and only correct interpretation of scripture, reject world religions has to be resisted. Or white-washed, maga defined versions of history, science, school curriculums, press....on and on. How is anyone ok with any of this government control?
Thank you for such truth. I feel the same but couldn’t articulate it as well. I get a bit teary about a reality I just struggle to understand.
Love is the answer, and, from this non-Christian, the most valuable of Christ's teachings. Love thy neighbor as thyself is all-encompassing in its simplicity, I too hope that one day they will tire of the preaching and live by His words.
I am an average American woman, married to a man I love and adore. At the age of thirteen, I began playing the organ for church services every other Sunday. I sang in the choir and taught a Sunday School class.
In the autumn of my years, I moved to a lakeshore property in a neighboring state. I sought out a church and began attending services.
I loved the people at this new church and felt as if I had joined a new family.
Then, came communion Sunday. The man standing next to me turned and asked if I believed God created the heavens and the earth in seven days.
My answer was immediate, “Of course, I do.” Then I smiled and said, “I don’t know if it was seven of my days.”
Angrily, the conservative Christian blurted out, “You are not a Christian and you are not allowed to take communion with us!”
I was stunned by his response. Where I grew up, it was considered against Jesus’s teachings to judge others. Why husband and I remained seated as the rest of the congregation took communion.
I cried for weeks after that service. I have tried my entire life to live up to the teachings of the church. Mother drummed into me constantly that I should not judge others, lest I be judged. I believed her then, as I do still.
“But do not forget this one thing dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are are like a day.” 2 Peter 3:8
Peter’s words have been in my heart my entire life. They are what allow me to believe in both God and science. Why would a church refuse to honor my Christian upbringing and faith for simply integrating “The Word” into my modern life?
My faith does not depend on the acceptance of those who so willingly judge others and defy the word and love of God.
I LOVE your last paragraph. It is a great summation of what we are called to do--seek Jesus' acceptance and love, not being drawn in by others who would attack you and who do not embody his teachings.
I sorry that happened to you. When supposed "Christians" act or talk like this, I always think, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure Jesus wouldn't dig that." What would they say if I told them that? So far, I have not confronted anyone directly with those words, but I am building up to it--and bracing myself for an attack.
I know I will be tempted to judge these people every day. I pray I can honor His teachings and show simply love and forgiveness. This response will most certainly incite them further, but by doing so, I keep my promises to my God, who is a loving and forgiving God. Each of us will choose a path. I have chosen mine.
I believe it all comes down to freely sharing God’s love. In these final years, I find it easy to share God’s message with everyone. I choose the words which can’t be manipulated and repeat them to even the haters. After all, Matthew 18:20 “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” …even with the haters. I am simply sharing the good news as did Jesus and the disciples. In 2025, I think that’s the best we can do…share God’s teachings with love in our hearts.
"Peter’s words have been in my heart my entire life. They are what allow me to believe in both God and science."
Exactly. I spent most of my high school years (more than half a century ago) defending science while at church, and defending God while at school.
Then I learned to avoid the people who understood neither science nor God. That worked for a while but it's a coward's way out.
What I have since learned is how to tell the intractable from the teachable, to quit agonizing over the closed-minded, and to soften my responses to the open-minded and semi open-minded. I still spend too much time on the intractable, but there's always a hope that they will see things more clearly.
It's been a long time since I've been in a situation like you had, but that's because I actively avoid going to ultra conservative churches and since I haven't moved away in my golden years, I know where to avoid. But I do recall crying for weeks looking for a church I fit when I first moved here. I found one, it was a good fit for 40+ years, but it's changed since the rise of MAGA, and it's not home anymore. I'm using Covid and my fear of too many people in a small space to keep me from looking for a new church home. There are only two places I would consider, one is way too liberal (I think they are just a Sunday Social Society, nice people, but no real faith) and the other has too much hierarchy (I probably believe 99.9% of what's in their 'statement of faith' and basic rules of conduct, but I don't like any church telling me what I HAVE to believe). I have good friends in both places, so it will probably come down to where my Catholic-raise husband and somewhere on the autism spectrum son will want to go.
It is an excellent question, when will they tire of this? But how difficult it must be to step away from the comfort of a massive national tribe that will agree with your views, insist you are truly a victim of some trans or brown person somewhere who must've caused all unfulfillment in your life. The rightwing media machine that will confirm your bias, stroke every resentment and feed that fear monster. Church leaders assuring you this is the 'new unwoke Jesus' way to see others. (Trump's spokesperson Steven Cheung said their goal is 'full spectrum dominance' in all forms of communication.) They are completely inundated, so why would they bother giving up all that tasty dopamine and choosing a bitter deep dive of self-reflection? I wish I could have confidence, but I see the MAGA believers I know staying cozy in that cult bubble.
I think they like being horrible. Considering the sheer level of awfulness, they should have gotten tired of it 8 years ago.
Re: Compulsory religion. How can anyone police that? A person coerced into a religion is not really a believer. They're just acting like one and likely resentful about it. All this will do is create quietly angry people who will likely come to hate Christianity in any form. 🤔
Sadly, today's "conservative christians" are really no different than the people behind the Inquisition, the Crusades, the Spanish conquest, colonization and forced conversion of the Mayas and Aztecs, and the so-called missionaries who forced conversion on Native Americans, indigenous Hawaiians and many other groups, often at the pain of death. The only difference today, is that those who are trying to force their beliefs on everyone else, don't have armies behind them (yet) to slaughter those who refuse to profess the faith of the conqueror. The conquerors have never represented the teachings of Jesus - Matthew 25:35-45 and to love our neighbor as ourselves. Today's conservative christians have co-opted the faith, but in reality, they are attempting to do the same terrible things that misguided zealots have been doing for centuries. Maybe someday they will be held in the same contempt as their predecessors. For now, we will continue to pray that those of us who truly try to live a Christian life will prevail, and that truthtellers like John Pavlovitz remain free to express themselves and spread the ministry of true Christian love.
I’ve learned a terrible truth about myself in living under this regime of cruelty: I am not capable of loving my enemies as I believed I was. Your post today shows me a way through my failure which is to pray for Conservative Christians to grow tired of their malice. Thank you for this invaluable tool, John
Of late I’ve been struggling with this feeling that I don’t know where I belong. It’s recently became clear to me why I’m having so much trouble.
I’m a retired nurse having had the ultimate opportunity to work at a large and highly respected pediatric (teaching) hospital for 32 years. During my “formative years” I worked in a diverse environment and met people from all over the world who brought their children to “my” hospital for lifesaving treatment. I had the privilege to meet people from other cultures that allowed me to learn and experience life from many different perspectives; a local Rastafarian family, a family from Mexico, many families from the UAE, Orthodox Jews from NY, and many other. Having worked in this setting, I’ve grown to appreciate the diversity of the world and because of this I don’t see variations of skin color, I see vivid colors - reflections of a unified community of love and acceptance.
I’ve been retired for almost 7years, and I’ve realized that all that is blurred because DT and his influencers have created a monochromatic state. When I go out, all I see are white people. It reminds me of The Jetson’s, for those of you old enough to remember, where everyone is the same robotic voice without character.
I realize that I no longer belong here (in the US), and now I understand why.
I've never seen people so interested in peeking in bedroom windows and other people's underpants.
I'm trying to find the place in the Bible where God gives us the job of judging others.
Creepy, isn't it?
That is a beautiful prayer for a beautiful Sunday — thank you so very much.
"When I survey the landscape of America right now, it seems grossly overpopulated with far too many religious people determined to make everyone else in their image by bullying them into compliance or shouting them into silence." I feel your pain, John. But what you said right here is the unfortunate history of humankind, not just a current America problem.
Ah yes, the Holy Exhaustion of Policing Sin—truly the cardio workout of the modern Pharisee. Watching some Conservative Christians sprint toward strangers' bedrooms with Bibles like spiritual hall monitors makes me wonder if they’ve confused the Gospel with a neighborhood watch program. Spoiler alert: Jesus didn’t ask you to install surveillance on someone else’s genitals.
It’s not holiness, it’s voyeurism with a halo.
You know what is exhausting? Being told by sanctimonious gatekeepers that your mere existence is an “agenda.” That loving someone without a church bulletin’s approval is an act of war. That your joy needs theological vetting. Honestly, if your salvation depends on regulating my pronouns, I hope Heaven has a customer service desk.
But here’s the cosmic joke: the very queers they condemn? They’re embodying the Beatitudes better than half the church board. They’re showing up, loving deeply, suffering well, and daring to dance anyway.
So yes, may they get tired—bone-deep tired—of being terrible. May they collapse into compassion like prodigal sons faceplanting into Grace. May they trade their gavel for empathy, their purity tests for picnic tables. And may they finally learn: the Kingdom of God isn’t gated—it’s glittered.
I do pray for them. Truly.
That their hearts break open instead of harden.
That they are haunted not by guilt, but by beauty.
That one day, mercy will startle them into awakening.
And that their transformation—should it ever come—
will shine so brightly it blinds even me.
By their prayers, may I be blessed.
Virgin Monk Boy
“Still celibate, but not silent.”
They are literally the "wolfs judging the sheep for not being too strong and fit"
and on a personal note ... I truly don't believe the worlfs will ever experience any reckoning that some of us are waiting them to have ...
These days the sheep need to fight for their and the World's very survival
Figure that!
log and speck...
You have captured the spirit of all of us coming around to the kin-dom of God. In reading your list of hopes for your friend and other conservative Christians, I can also see areas where I need to open up and let go of things that are holding me back from unconditional love.
“Kin-dom. I like that.
I love it, too, but I believe I heard it first in Ian's Substack. Let's keep spreading the word!
Well said! Just what god does this individual thinks he's obeying? The escalation of christian nationalist's actions and influence on the current regime to implement Project 2025 to define one and only correct interpretation of scripture, reject world religions has to be resisted. Or white-washed, maga defined versions of history, science, school curriculums, press....on and on. How is anyone ok with any of this government control?