Good grief, I needed this today! Over the past few days I stayed away from political news. This morning I looked at the headlines and all I could do was weep. My heart hurts. Our intrepid Republicans, seemingly never to fail to find the bottom, actually pulled off going below the bottom. They want to attach "conditions" on disaster aid to California. Vile. Reprehensible. Repugnant. I'm running out of words to describe their proposals. The overwhelming suffering of the victims of the catastrophic wildfires in California is being disregarded by the very leaders who have the power to help them. I thought the GOP could no longer shock me. Yet, I am shocked. And, I weep at their cruelty.
I am maxing out my bingo chart. I am a first generation Ukrainian American. My parents live in Zaporizzhya, Ukraine. I can't get them out because I am not wealthy and because they don't legally fall under the refugee category yet even though the city gets bombed daily.
I am autistic. I have inoperable skeletal defects. I work on the tech side of healthcare, which means I spend a lot of time reading patient records.
So far, I'd survived the loss of my mother, Chernobyl fallout, fall of the Soviet Union, solo move to the US on a scholarship, US immigration process, both W. presidencies, Trump 101, COVID, and Hurricane Helene. And we are about to go into Trump 201.
There were other thises and thats along the way, like my grandparents dying, losing a cousin at the Donetsk front a year and a half agon, and another one taken POW by Russian military. Oh, and Neil Gaiman turning to be a total POS.
So... I am sure we can all compare notes and maybe spend some time figuring out how the hell are we all even functioning. Personally, I don't know. Between all of us, we could seriously provide enough material for someone's psychology dissertation.
I am so sorry for your situation with your parents. I have a friend whose parents are also in Ukraine. She'd hoped to get them out, but has not been able to do so yet. Take care of yourself. You have overcome a great deal. I admire your courage and tenacity. We'll get through this, yet it may be a tough road. God bless you.
This is actually something a lot of people don't realize. Most folks think that, whenever there is a war or a natural disaster, people living in the affected areas are automatically refugees. That is not entirely true. A "refugee" is not just a person - it's an immigration status, a legal entity with very specific rules. In case of war, even if your area is getting shelled routinely, you are still not a refugee. You become a refugee, if your area is under the imminent threat of occupation by an invading army. So, basically.... they are entering the city, marching down the streets three blocks from your house.
Another problem people of Ukraine are experiencing is that, even if they have some modest means to escape, there is nowhere to go. At this time, all of Ukraine, including the formerly safe-ish western areas, is being carpet-bombed daily. Russian government refused to guarantee safe passage for civilians or provide any sort of "green corridors" for people to get out. That's why I do my daily reports on Ukraine - people need to know what's going on.
Luckily, I have a session with my therapist today. My heart is so broken by the Republicans that it hurts to breathe. I can't stop weeping. You are not alone! I feel you. 💔
Totally get that. I'm going to be finding out fairly soon if the pneumonia I developed after That Thing won the election has thrown me out of remission.
John Pavlovitz, you accurately write today: “…we've seen the price of becoming heartless.” I might add that we also have seen the power of being Shameless. We are having a really hard time figuring out how to fight the artillery of shamelessness. When everything about OUR fight for truth, facts-based-reality, and democracy depends on us “Being the change we want to see”, we are witnessing the limitations ( and slaughter) that our quaint warfare-style allows. We need to evolve a modern democratic answer to autocracy. We don’t have it yet. I have spent a lot of time being angry, hurt, incredulous, outraged, and offended. Power doesn’t give a damn about my entitled feelings of democracy. I have come to conclude, my weakness first and foremost is ever believing that I was entitled to democracy. I am not entitled to democracy. I WANT democracy. And that entitlement-mind-set kept me closed to the real, and necessary work, skills, sacrifices, efforts, and actions I need to make going forward to nudge our trajectory away from catastrophic democratic collapse / climate collapse. Away from Shamelessness and Heartlessness gaining / holding power. Our New-Deal / Civil-Rights Americanism was not won by “entitled” citizens annoyed that their panties were in a twist because Power knee-capped their vision of Democracy. It was won by many, many, many non-entitled humans outraged they ever could be labeled “Less”. WE now find ourselves among the “Less” labeled populace. I need to learn to Resist, Fight, Thwart the anti-democracy actions afoot. I want to be effective, not wallow in entitlement-anger.
It is difficult to comprehend the callousness of the Republicans in office, or that of their supporters. I have never understood their lack of concern or care for those in need. Who in their right mind could begrudge a child living in poor circumstances to be given a lunch at school paid for by our taxes? Well, they do! It seems to be a part of their DNA. And, they call themselves Christians??
I feel like I just got evacuation orders. You have to leave with limited items and hope that when you return there is something left. I see how a fire storm can kill. And I see a political fire storm happening next Tuesday.
It is so very hard...when the cruelty is elevated. I look at my state and the devastation of the fires and instead of empathy, there are conditions to receive aid to hurting people. There are sound bites to lay blame instead of comfort. It all astounds me in the worst possible way. I am depressed, I'm not gonna lie. It is hard and it is sad and it is scary and it is exactly what I feared would happen. I will hold on to my hope and my belief in good people because we see examples all around but right now, the cruel shitty people seem to have the microphone.
Thank you so much for that, John. I began to read it and tears started forming in my eyes. I needed to stop a couple of times for a tissue. Empathy is a hard thing. I live in Los Angeles. I am fine but I have friends who have lost their homes. Today I woke up and watched 4 minutes of the Hegseth hearing before I had to turn it off. I thought my head would explode. It is just all too much but I can't walk away. I try to take breaks. Today's hearing gave me a preview of what I could feel like for the next four years.
The day after the election, while I was coming down with pneumonia (scary stuff indeed if one already has underlying lung disease) I unsubscribed for every single political and religious list I belonged to. It actually took several hours, and I was grateful for the preoccupation as my temperature rose and shaking chills set in.
I grew up in a Calvinist tradition, and to me Trump's victory felt like God had GIVEN US UP. If seemed as though God had turned God's back on us and was leaving us to our own devices. I was absolutely LIVID with God, which is not a good place to be when one of your lungs is full of infection. I did not attend a church service for seven weeks -- four of those weeks because except for eating, going to the bathroom and bathing, I was too sick to get out of bed.
I decided if God was going to GIVE US UP and inflict That Thing (I refuse to refer to Trump as a person) on us, I would return the favor and show God the door. I wanted nothing more to do with God.
I read your substack (and Nadia Bolz-Weber) and realized you and your followers were every bit as upset as I was by the outcome of the election and what that might mean; and we were all going through very similar spiritual crises as a result of the election. I attended a post-election discussion at my parish early in December, which was closer to an outpouring of grief and lament. Like me, and like several people here, we were wondering how and where do we go from this point. (We've scheduled a parish activity on Inauguration Day so people don't have to listen to That Thing.)
This is the part where I think God was doing for me (and several others) what we could not do for ourselves. I've read every single one of your columns. I shared before that I had developed what has turned out to be a character defect of "toughing it out" and never asking for "pastoral help" because I COULD "tough it out". I reached the point where, for the first time in my 70 years, I actually NEEDED a pastor and I NEEDED pastoral guidance to point the way out -- and here you are, and here I am. I'm getting the needed direction on how to cope with That Thing.
Here's what I've picked up so far:
1. In the midst of the chaos and the fear, find the things I love doing most and DO THEM. For me, that's playing piano, writing prose, and cooking.
2. Do those things WELL -- to the very best of my ability. (I've taken five Bach organ pieces and re-written them to be played on a piano, while keeping the grandeur of an organ. These are big, splashy, showpieces and intentionally difficult to play. I want people to know how much I love Bach; and my love of Bach is bigger than That Thing!)
3. Be thankful for the small graces and small mercies. If we look for them, they will be there.
4. Don't turn off the news, but limit my daily news consumption.
5. Limit FaceBook use. FaceBook has become a toxic waste site, anyway.
6. It's OK to go very low contact or no-contact with toxic people. Doing that has brought me a bit of "cheap serenity"!
7. Find our truth, hold true to that truth, and above all DO NOT LET GO OF THAT TRUTH during the next four years, NO MATTER WHAT.
8. God is strong enough to take the worst of my anger. For God, my anger is like the adult who is holding an angry kid at bay by the forehead, while the kid swings with his arms and never can connect a punch. God says, "He's going to tire himself out eventually, and then maybe he'll be ready to talk!"
"No one ever became a better version of themselves through apathy or cruelty." Days later, these words still resonate. I had to comb through posts to find the precise quote. It's why our country's choice is so heartbreaking.
Good grief, I needed this today! Over the past few days I stayed away from political news. This morning I looked at the headlines and all I could do was weep. My heart hurts. Our intrepid Republicans, seemingly never to fail to find the bottom, actually pulled off going below the bottom. They want to attach "conditions" on disaster aid to California. Vile. Reprehensible. Repugnant. I'm running out of words to describe their proposals. The overwhelming suffering of the victims of the catastrophic wildfires in California is being disregarded by the very leaders who have the power to help them. I thought the GOP could no longer shock me. Yet, I am shocked. And, I weep at their cruelty.
My therapist is concerned whether my giving a damn may exceed my ability to stay alive. I am not being facetious.
I'm with you. I discussed the same thing. How much negative stimuli can we handle before we ourselves self destruct.
I am maxing out my bingo chart. I am a first generation Ukrainian American. My parents live in Zaporizzhya, Ukraine. I can't get them out because I am not wealthy and because they don't legally fall under the refugee category yet even though the city gets bombed daily.
I am autistic. I have inoperable skeletal defects. I work on the tech side of healthcare, which means I spend a lot of time reading patient records.
So far, I'd survived the loss of my mother, Chernobyl fallout, fall of the Soviet Union, solo move to the US on a scholarship, US immigration process, both W. presidencies, Trump 101, COVID, and Hurricane Helene. And we are about to go into Trump 201.
There were other thises and thats along the way, like my grandparents dying, losing a cousin at the Donetsk front a year and a half agon, and another one taken POW by Russian military. Oh, and Neil Gaiman turning to be a total POS.
So... I am sure we can all compare notes and maybe spend some time figuring out how the hell are we all even functioning. Personally, I don't know. Between all of us, we could seriously provide enough material for someone's psychology dissertation.
I am so sorry for your situation with your parents. I have a friend whose parents are also in Ukraine. She'd hoped to get them out, but has not been able to do so yet. Take care of yourself. You have overcome a great deal. I admire your courage and tenacity. We'll get through this, yet it may be a tough road. God bless you.
This is actually something a lot of people don't realize. Most folks think that, whenever there is a war or a natural disaster, people living in the affected areas are automatically refugees. That is not entirely true. A "refugee" is not just a person - it's an immigration status, a legal entity with very specific rules. In case of war, even if your area is getting shelled routinely, you are still not a refugee. You become a refugee, if your area is under the imminent threat of occupation by an invading army. So, basically.... they are entering the city, marching down the streets three blocks from your house.
Another problem people of Ukraine are experiencing is that, even if they have some modest means to escape, there is nowhere to go. At this time, all of Ukraine, including the formerly safe-ish western areas, is being carpet-bombed daily. Russian government refused to guarantee safe passage for civilians or provide any sort of "green corridors" for people to get out. That's why I do my daily reports on Ukraine - people need to know what's going on.
🫂
Three of us. She also says it's very common among her patients. We're far from alone.
Luckily, I have a session with my therapist today. My heart is so broken by the Republicans that it hurts to breathe. I can't stop weeping. You are not alone! I feel you. 💔
Totally get that. I'm going to be finding out fairly soon if the pneumonia I developed after That Thing won the election has thrown me out of remission.
Oof, I hope not. Hang in there! Best wishes.
John Pavlovitz, you accurately write today: “…we've seen the price of becoming heartless.” I might add that we also have seen the power of being Shameless. We are having a really hard time figuring out how to fight the artillery of shamelessness. When everything about OUR fight for truth, facts-based-reality, and democracy depends on us “Being the change we want to see”, we are witnessing the limitations ( and slaughter) that our quaint warfare-style allows. We need to evolve a modern democratic answer to autocracy. We don’t have it yet. I have spent a lot of time being angry, hurt, incredulous, outraged, and offended. Power doesn’t give a damn about my entitled feelings of democracy. I have come to conclude, my weakness first and foremost is ever believing that I was entitled to democracy. I am not entitled to democracy. I WANT democracy. And that entitlement-mind-set kept me closed to the real, and necessary work, skills, sacrifices, efforts, and actions I need to make going forward to nudge our trajectory away from catastrophic democratic collapse / climate collapse. Away from Shamelessness and Heartlessness gaining / holding power. Our New-Deal / Civil-Rights Americanism was not won by “entitled” citizens annoyed that their panties were in a twist because Power knee-capped their vision of Democracy. It was won by many, many, many non-entitled humans outraged they ever could be labeled “Less”. WE now find ourselves among the “Less” labeled populace. I need to learn to Resist, Fight, Thwart the anti-democracy actions afoot. I want to be effective, not wallow in entitlement-anger.
Yes, to all of this!!!
You are so correct. We don't have the answer yet to fighting this Trump-branded autocracy of shamelessness. But we somehow have to figure it out.
It is difficult to comprehend the callousness of the Republicans in office, or that of their supporters. I have never understood their lack of concern or care for those in need. Who in their right mind could begrudge a child living in poor circumstances to be given a lunch at school paid for by our taxes? Well, they do! It seems to be a part of their DNA. And, they call themselves Christians??
I feel like I just got evacuation orders. You have to leave with limited items and hope that when you return there is something left. I see how a fire storm can kill. And I see a political fire storm happening next Tuesday.
I just want to pack my bags and evacuate.
It is so very hard...when the cruelty is elevated. I look at my state and the devastation of the fires and instead of empathy, there are conditions to receive aid to hurting people. There are sound bites to lay blame instead of comfort. It all astounds me in the worst possible way. I am depressed, I'm not gonna lie. It is hard and it is sad and it is scary and it is exactly what I feared would happen. I will hold on to my hope and my belief in good people because we see examples all around but right now, the cruel shitty people seem to have the microphone.
Thank you for this, John. 🙏🏻
Thank you so much for that, John. I began to read it and tears started forming in my eyes. I needed to stop a couple of times for a tissue. Empathy is a hard thing. I live in Los Angeles. I am fine but I have friends who have lost their homes. Today I woke up and watched 4 minutes of the Hegseth hearing before I had to turn it off. I thought my head would explode. It is just all too much but I can't walk away. I try to take breaks. Today's hearing gave me a preview of what I could feel like for the next four years.
The day after the election, while I was coming down with pneumonia (scary stuff indeed if one already has underlying lung disease) I unsubscribed for every single political and religious list I belonged to. It actually took several hours, and I was grateful for the preoccupation as my temperature rose and shaking chills set in.
I grew up in a Calvinist tradition, and to me Trump's victory felt like God had GIVEN US UP. If seemed as though God had turned God's back on us and was leaving us to our own devices. I was absolutely LIVID with God, which is not a good place to be when one of your lungs is full of infection. I did not attend a church service for seven weeks -- four of those weeks because except for eating, going to the bathroom and bathing, I was too sick to get out of bed.
I decided if God was going to GIVE US UP and inflict That Thing (I refuse to refer to Trump as a person) on us, I would return the favor and show God the door. I wanted nothing more to do with God.
I read your substack (and Nadia Bolz-Weber) and realized you and your followers were every bit as upset as I was by the outcome of the election and what that might mean; and we were all going through very similar spiritual crises as a result of the election. I attended a post-election discussion at my parish early in December, which was closer to an outpouring of grief and lament. Like me, and like several people here, we were wondering how and where do we go from this point. (We've scheduled a parish activity on Inauguration Day so people don't have to listen to That Thing.)
This is the part where I think God was doing for me (and several others) what we could not do for ourselves. I've read every single one of your columns. I shared before that I had developed what has turned out to be a character defect of "toughing it out" and never asking for "pastoral help" because I COULD "tough it out". I reached the point where, for the first time in my 70 years, I actually NEEDED a pastor and I NEEDED pastoral guidance to point the way out -- and here you are, and here I am. I'm getting the needed direction on how to cope with That Thing.
Here's what I've picked up so far:
1. In the midst of the chaos and the fear, find the things I love doing most and DO THEM. For me, that's playing piano, writing prose, and cooking.
2. Do those things WELL -- to the very best of my ability. (I've taken five Bach organ pieces and re-written them to be played on a piano, while keeping the grandeur of an organ. These are big, splashy, showpieces and intentionally difficult to play. I want people to know how much I love Bach; and my love of Bach is bigger than That Thing!)
3. Be thankful for the small graces and small mercies. If we look for them, they will be there.
4. Don't turn off the news, but limit my daily news consumption.
5. Limit FaceBook use. FaceBook has become a toxic waste site, anyway.
6. It's OK to go very low contact or no-contact with toxic people. Doing that has brought me a bit of "cheap serenity"!
7. Find our truth, hold true to that truth, and above all DO NOT LET GO OF THAT TRUTH during the next four years, NO MATTER WHAT.
8. God is strong enough to take the worst of my anger. For God, my anger is like the adult who is holding an angry kid at bay by the forehead, while the kid swings with his arms and never can connect a punch. God says, "He's going to tire himself out eventually, and then maybe he'll be ready to talk!"
Anguish alongside joy. That is how we will have to live. That's our reality for the next four years.
Thank you for the encouragement!
Thank you. That was transformative .
"No one ever became a better version of themselves through apathy or cruelty." Days later, these words still resonate. I had to comb through posts to find the precise quote. It's why our country's choice is so heartbreaking.