Jesus’s society-shaping instruction to love our neighbors as we love ourselves carries two strokes of world-altering genius. The first is to love everyone. The second is to love everyone as you love yourself. Not more than, and certainly not less. We are all individual expressions of the same idea. Maybe addressing mass self-loathing, an inescapable consequence of the relentless use of inadequacy and fear to market goods in our toxic version of capitalism, is a place to begin evolving out of this horror perpetrated by a people taught to believe that being fully human is a damnable offense? Empathy is gratitude for the gift of being. (I think about this stuff way too much.)
I believe a lot of people who've been born into poverty through no fault of their own, are undereducated, filled with anger, jealousy, and hurt seeing others put their "perfect" lives on social media. They feel left behind, and it simmers until they find an echo chamber like fox entertainment outlet, Rogen, the president's cabinet picks lineup, and suddenly they are emboldened and can release all that pent up resentment and hate not only for themselves but for everyone else.
Trump has almost no support from those who are truly left behind. Actually they never had a chance to get ahead or even to be treated equally. Mostly people of color trapped in Chester PA, Flint Michigan, North Philadelphia etc. Sure there is lots of "angst' and grievance expressed by the MAGA folks but they rejected Kamala's call to build an Economy and Democracy that works for all. I think that is the heart of the divide as there is no mention of the Common Good by the Trump supporters.
Also no mention of the Common Good by our current “potus”. He has never even attempted to say anything at all that might unite our fractured nation. He’s completely incapable of encouragement for anyone other than to someone from whom he wants something.
Well Musk is on the Autism Spectrum Scale which could affect his ability to empathize. Trump is considered a Narcissist Personality Disorder with anti social or sociopathic tendencies which there is a lack of any empathy.
That's who is running our country. People with mental illness and in denial as to how much help they really need. They don't need to be trying to concur the world.
Can one imagine growing up in an environment where no love, no consistency, nor social skills taught was giving? Bullies generally comes from homes where they were exposed to violence. In these types of homes children are engaged in higher levels of physical bullying than youngsters who were not witnesses to such behavior, according to a study by researchers from the University of Washington and Indiana University. That’s Trump, he was bully in grade school through high school I understand. While in grade school if his bullying backfired on him he ran home according to one story that a “friend” told.
From Psychology: TodayResearch finds that bullies have a distinct psychological makeup. They lack prosocial behavior, are untroubled by anxiety, and do not understand others' feelings. They exhibit a distinctive cognitive feature, a kind of paranoia: They misread the intentions of others, often imputing hostility in neutral situations. Others may not like them, but they typically see themselves quite positively. Those who chronically bully tend to have strained relationships with parents and peers.
Bullying carries the implicit message that aggression and violence are acceptable solutions to problems when they are not. Cooperation and the peaceful resolution of differences support an increasingly interconnected world. Bullying not only harms its victims but it harms the perpetrators themselves. Most bullies have a downwardly spiraling course through life, as their aggressive behavior interferes with learning, holding a job, and establishing and maintaining intimate relationships.
Some bullies do leave the behavior behind. But many do not; aggression is a very stable social interaction style. Many who were bullies as children turn into antisocial adults, who are far more likely than nonaggressive kids to commit crimes, batter their wives, abuse their children—and produce another generation of bullies.
This explains a lot. So how do we combat it? One of these bullies has now become the most powerful man in the world, as well as one of the most feared.
Well he has surrounded himself with loyal kiss ass people that I feel are using him for greed and power and this alone is troubling. The way to deal with him is 1. The GOP needs to stand up against him; 2. The other half of the country needs to also confront him by non violent protests, calling congressional leaders, develop civil discussions with those that voted for him (read Albert Brooks “Love Your Enemies” gives solutions for you on how to deal with Trump’s supporters); 3. I think litigate every thing this administration does, we are a nation of laws and it will tie things up and slow the process of authoritarianism down hopefully for 2 years.
But outside of Trump having a meltdown or an extreme personal crisis which is where people like him would change. I was a behavioral intervention specialist in a mental health center and a meltdown and personal crisis is the only time I have seen people like him change.
I would say yes. A Narcissist Personality Disorder with anti social or sociopathic tendencies are unlikely to change unless there’s a total meltdown or a severe personal crisis then there’s a slight chance of change. Remember also that his diagnosis is developed before the age of five. So imagine what he went through in his family.
The answer, John, is sadly, unequivocally yes. The cruel, heartless, and evil people in charge of our country who have no compassion or empathy are bad enough. Those like Hegseth who claim to be followers of Christ make it ten times worse, and send my blood pressure through the roof. But for me, what breaks my heart and is poisoning my soul, is my fellow regular Christians who serve willingly, compassionately and yes lovingly, at the food pantry one day, and vote R every day of the week and twice on Sundays, without connecting the two. There are Tens of Millione of those a Christians who live among us, and are too clueless, shallow or brainwashed to see what is happening.
Yes, I'm right there with you on this.... the inexplicable reality of those who, as you say, serve lovingly at the food pantry one day and then vote R the next day, not seeing or experiencing any disconnect whatsoever. We can wonder how that is even possible, but it's happening.
It's the hypocrisy that assaults my spirit as much as anything..... like Trump bemoaning "criminals coming into our country, taking over our cities" when 1) he himself is a crminal; and 2) his first act on Inauguration Day was to let 1500 convicted, violent criminals out of prison, because they had committed their crimes for him. When this is who rank-and-file Republicans follow and idolize, no wonder they don't see their own hypocrisy.
The critical mass of cruel people has been long in the making. Cruelty was celebrated in the 1980s as profitability, the economic tide that was going to lift all boats. But when you use profitability as a way to maximize your wealth by screwing your workforce, eventually those people who do real work get sick of watching you succeed at their expense. They may not understand the economics of the deal, but they know what it feels like: stagnant wages for them while someone else gets a year-end bonus. As the income inequality expands, they start listening to hucksters who find scapegoats they can blame for their situation. Trump's con job found a receptive audience.
No one wants to confront the ever-increasing income inequality because when you aren't the one who is suffering, it's easier to look away. But that's where you will find all the cruel Trump voters.
Not everyone is interested or even able to understand the current political forces at work, which makes them easy pickings for charlatans who use that to gain access to power and money. It is always ultimately about money. Power is just the means to access the money. This is something evangelists have known forever. There is a longstanding American industry built on direct-mail and TV fear mongering that fueled the 1950s anti-communist, anti-LGBTQ, anti-progressive fundraising machine. It’s still churning out fear-based financial empires.
Same here! How do you reconcile your relationships with those who are friends and family and bought into the MAGA cult? Ive always considered my closest MAGA friends kind, trustworthy, and empathetic human beings. Now, I am disillusioned by their vote and don't know how to approach or socialize with them? Thoughts?
I struggle with the same tension. I wrote a letter to one friend, and I keep re-writing it. I may never send it and we haven't spoken since she told me it was her right to vote for [the despot-I don't write his name] if she wanted to. I like a quote from Jess Piper (activist on substack) who said: I voted in their interest, but they voted against mine" (particularly in response to farmers who are now losing their loans). That's what I keep thinking. My friends are educated, resourceful, orher-wise caring people, who voted against my interests. I am hesitant to trust them anymore. I'm stuck.
I’ve used a phrase that came from John Pavlovitz. Two weeks after Trump’s Inauguration a family friend of many years, a Trumper, emailed me and said, “Are you still thinking of leaving the country? Surely you can’t think things are that bad?" My response: “If you’ve educated yourself about everything Trump did after the election, and everything he’s done since the Inauguration, and after absorbing that information you think it’s reasonable to say, ‘Surely you can’t think things are that bad?’ — then you and I are morally incompatible.” It’s that last sentence that came from John. I’m sorry. I can’t forgive my friends and family members who voted for him. And I don’t require myself to do so. I’m not wasting energy being angry at them, but since I can’t trust them anymore, there’s no close relationship that’s possible any longer.
If I know someone who has truly bought into the MAGA cult with all the flags, banners, clothing or weird outbursts on social media, I’m not interested in any sort of contact. They’re too far gone at this point. However I have a friend or two who know my views and make a point of staying away from politics. As long as that continues, we can maintain a tenuous relationship. Right now it’s the only option.
I would suggest reading Albert Brook’s book “Love Your Enemies”. He talks extensively about this issue and gives some suggestions on developing civil discourse.
I think most of the believers are falling into the trap of feeling guilty of not " love thy neighbour no matter what ".
Jesus himself turned the table upside down in the temple when He saw what had it became of the place where people were supposed to "praise the Lord and be humble and help the poor and sick " !!!
People who claim to be Christians have to learn how to stand up against those who oppress and hurt the needy, the poor and the sick .
Make no mistake the " pharisees " were the ones pushing the dogma and "so called word of God" with no understanding and empathy unto others. Jesus himself had been crucified when the priests did not save Him because they felt threatened and undermined by His charisma !
Seek deep down into your hearts and find the divine spark that should be the light that guides you through Life !
How about the thousands losing their jobs to save a little money so that the super rich can get another tax cut. They do important jobs. They have worked hard . And now they are let go . This will impact them, their families, their communities, and everyone’s safety and wellbeing. Yet it seems a majority of our country including about 80% of Christians see them as freeloaders. This will soon happen to many public school teachers and university faculty around the nation. Also keep in mind that they call all of this empathy “woke” and they openly mock it.
I wish I could understand their fear as well. Many are not oppressed in any way. They have shelter, food, transportation, education, an iincome, even extra funds - yet they are still afraid. Of what? A trans person is going to attack them in a bathroom? Not likely, but a straight man more likely would. Their child is going to read a book they don't approve of? Like they didn't do the same. The Democrats will take their guns and they couldn't defend themselves from would-be immigrant assailant? If Democrats wanted their guns, they would have taken them in Clinton's & Obama's & Biden's terms. What is it they are afraid of? All if it? Are they so overwhelmed with fear-mongering lies that they just stay frightened? How sad is that? Especially if they purportedly trust in God! Seems their trust is mighty shallow. Not to even mention their love...
Your question, in itself a fear uttered, is the natural consequence of the negatively skewed "news" and the amplified cruel rhetoric which passes for information. Humans scan for threat and signs of it "around" as a survival instinct. Our greatest fear is of "no allies" with whom to create safety, build, eat. Often, "fear of the other" CREATES the belief in their hostility, empowering them as as "monsters" while amping up our fear, in a negative falsehood which presages "conflict".
So yes, it seems our nation is activating cruelty as a "strategy". But even those agreeing to tyranny are capable of "feeling for" those they choose to. It is therefore very important not to de-humanize the de-humanizers, or we lose our ability to use our own empathy to reach out beyond fear, and create the bridge of caring those "lost" need to remember how, and to reach back.
We must not muse,about negstivity. It exists. It creates dire outcomes. And so we must respond with courage, sureness in the empathy and concerns we can display not to "the nation", but to each indidual person in the very real and very small interactions we each face daily.
I ask you to provide guidance and strength even as we can admit to our fears and our sadness.
We cannot function bravely if we lose our hope in what is good and valuable. I beg and pray you, I, we do our all to encourage one another and model the faith in action of our empathy gifts lije life depends upon it. Because empathy, like seeing, breathing, and hearing is a natural a process for everone, no matter how angry or bitter they are, and it heals the rift we are in.
We need to work harder to grow our crop of kindness due to the thorns in the field. But we must also focus on removing those thorns with care and certainty, patience and skill.
John, Thank you. I do not disagree, and am up many nights visited by unholy ghosts of christianists, past and present. I know that I am trying to make sense of it all, to rise above it, to "be whole" in this shattered mess. Like so many others, I deeply appreciate your sharing of yourself. I heard at a chapel service fifty years ago at an Assemblies of God college that churches building hospitals and schools on the mission field were working for Satan by trying to improve "hell's headquarters." That offended my understanding of Jesus then (I was granted a perpetual excuse from required chapel attendance, after registering my disgust); even more so now.
It seems to me, that, indeed, the pendulum is swinging past the midline between communitarian sensibilities and "I got mine so you can go to hell." You are kind to model a desire to understand that selfishness.
That statement about mission work serving to improve hell's headquarters is chilling. I believe it may explain why destroying the Earth is acceptable. I kind of thought that the incarnation was God telling us how much God honors all of creation.
If, like William Rees says, overshoot has already doomed us, then building hospitals and schools in "hell's headquarters" is even more important because all we CAN do is whatever small things we can put our hands on to do, for as long as we can do them. Screw going to chapel anyway. Unless Bishop Budde, Bishop William Barber or maybe Senator Rev. Dr. Raphael Warnock is preaching, I probably don't want to hear it anyway. For me, that's the answer to what would Jesus be doing now and maybe our only hope.
One of the things I'm really struggling with right now is a former so-called friend who lacks empathy in a lazier way. She doesn't engage in actively deriding others, she just refuses to participate at all. She claims to hate the First Felon, but she refused to vote.
She doesn't care enough about the country or anyone else to do anything about it. She's okay letting the rest of us burn. I am having a really hard time with this. She claims she's a Christian.
I have the same issue. Lots of confusion and cognitive dissonance with church going "christian" friends and family, who present as holy and giving and empathetic but either don't vote or vote for MAGA?
I finally decided to cut ties with this person. It occurred to me the reason I feel so uncomfortable with this is, unlike a person who voted for the current President because they like what he does, she's a person who hates what he does, & she doesn't care enough to do anything about it. She knows people will be harmed, & she refuses to do anything about it. That feels worse. Once I finally cut ties with her, it felt like a weight lifted from my shoulders. I don't have to "like" someone I've know for decades, simply because I've known her for decades. She's a horrible human being. I don't have to be friends with her, anymore. It feels freeing.
In 1995, I was researching the idea of 'family' for doctoral research and had an 'aha' moment when I realized and could put words to a fundamental difference between our cultures (Canadian and US) in how we set family, women's and children's rights into law. The words I found to describe US were 'individual libertarian' and Canada 'communitarian'. It certainly did not 'define' all individuals (thank goodness) but it helped to understand why Canadians hold on so strongly to universal health care, to welcoming the stranger (although fear is changing that), to no 'right' to carry, to the national responsibility for education, and many other differences between our countries. This explained why I found it so difficult to discuss things like taxes, immigration, etc with American counterparts. It has also helped me understand why 'the greater good' is so rarely the option and why we Canadians are often seen as socialists. So, in short, I agree that empathy has waned and why so many would vote in tRump and why we Canadians are mortified at the mere idea of being called 'Americans'.
I think, I hope, the way forward is to do what this meditative essay encourages us to do, namely to imagine what others are going through. It is better when we can tell real but small stories about people who are harmed--this gay person, that veteran denied VA care, the forest ranger who lost her job. Currently, I am looking for ways to personally put myself between the callous and the victims, whether that be via letters and phone calls or in the street.
This question puts some fear into my very bones, although my mantra is to resist fear and not be held captive by it. When people lack empathy, they may criticize others for their shortcomings, for their failures, for their very feelings. Understanding another's feelings and experiences which are different from our own takes maturity, compassion, love for neighbor, respect etc.
In our country at this moment as you pointed out John, empathy is taken a step back by cruel, cruel unfeeling people who cannot/will not put themselves in another's place to offer compassion and understanding. When leaders are mentally/emotionally/spiritually lacking and show NO EMPATHY,
others follow blindly.
We can find collective empathy again by each one of us shining our light, by speaking our truth and by reaching out to support and help others...one person at a time.
John, I struggle with this question daily. My first instinct is to view trumpers as the enemy and retreat. My next thought is to try to put myself in their shoes. I ask the question have they been propagandized beyond repair? Have they been injured beyond repair by their families, etc. I don’t have an answer, but I struggle to have empathy for them.
This is the thing that breaks my heart on a daily basis. When did this happen? I used to be surprised when others embraced the disgusting message of Trump's first campaign. There was one red flag after another, telling those of us who still maintained compassion for all, that this was different, and not in a good way. Mocking disabilities, treating women like trash, being openly racist, over and over, Trump made it clear who he was, and a certain segment of American society embraced him anyway. But why? Not everyone fits my mental picture of a rebel class who delights in the fact that he seems to get away with anything he does. Is this their dream existence? Say anything you want, do anything you want, commit crimes, and get away with it all while also being wealthy? I can understand that to a point, I guess, if that's the life you want for yourself with no concern for how it might affect others.
But what about all the rest of the people who voted for him once, twice, or even three times who don't fit that type of mentality? Women, Blacks, Hispanic folks, even a number in my gay community have voted for him every time. As a fallen-away Catholic, I understand how the abortion issue and the American Church's pressure to do anything to rid America of abortion could guide a few hands at the poll, but I know a lot of Catholics who didn't fall for it. That still leaves millions who believe he was the better choice. Really? Does money control their voting hands? Is it race or misogyny? Nationalism? What in the world could make repeating Germany's shameful history in our country worth that vote? And now, our top elected leaders are even encouraging Germany to do it again.
Any way you look at it, empathy is now something to be ashamed of for many people. I refuse to accept that for myself. I can't control even one other person, but I can continue to be an example of how I believe we are supposed to act. It's just one of many ways I choose to resist.
There are also those people who “wouldn’t vote for a Democrat even if the devil himself was running against him” (or her.) That’s a direct quote from someone I know. She said it years ago, but I have no reason to believe she’s changed. In this case the devil himself was running against her. Some lifelong Republicans just cannot bring themselves to vote for a Democrat.
I continually struggle with separating the person from their politics. At one time I could do it. Don’t misunderstand I certainly have my share and then some of faults but am simply incredulous in others who plainly know the tangerine tyrant is a snake oil salesman and yet can display the willful ignorance necessary to support him. How does this end? My true fear is that even if rump is gone what he has wrought won’t end!
Here's the thing for me. I could maintain the charitable thought that many of those who voted for him in 2016 were somehow fooled. (How and why is for a different post.)
This time around, those who voted for him knew what he was and what he'd do. They no longer have any excuses to hide behind. They have revealed the hatred in their hearts/minds. They don't share the same moral compass as I do. I regard them as predators. They knowingly unleashed the forces of hate and destruction on the rest of us. Many are going to be hurt or killed because of their decision, some family and friends of mine. No, I can't forgive, forget, or "agree to get along" with them.
Jesus’s society-shaping instruction to love our neighbors as we love ourselves carries two strokes of world-altering genius. The first is to love everyone. The second is to love everyone as you love yourself. Not more than, and certainly not less. We are all individual expressions of the same idea. Maybe addressing mass self-loathing, an inescapable consequence of the relentless use of inadequacy and fear to market goods in our toxic version of capitalism, is a place to begin evolving out of this horror perpetrated by a people taught to believe that being fully human is a damnable offense? Empathy is gratitude for the gift of being. (I think about this stuff way too much.)
I believe a lot of people who've been born into poverty through no fault of their own, are undereducated, filled with anger, jealousy, and hurt seeing others put their "perfect" lives on social media. They feel left behind, and it simmers until they find an echo chamber like fox entertainment outlet, Rogen, the president's cabinet picks lineup, and suddenly they are emboldened and can release all that pent up resentment and hate not only for themselves but for everyone else.
Trump has almost no support from those who are truly left behind. Actually they never had a chance to get ahead or even to be treated equally. Mostly people of color trapped in Chester PA, Flint Michigan, North Philadelphia etc. Sure there is lots of "angst' and grievance expressed by the MAGA folks but they rejected Kamala's call to build an Economy and Democracy that works for all. I think that is the heart of the divide as there is no mention of the Common Good by the Trump supporters.
Also no mention of the Common Good by our current “potus”. He has never even attempted to say anything at all that might unite our fractured nation. He’s completely incapable of encouragement for anyone other than to someone from whom he wants something.
Keep on thinking, Karen. We need your wisdom.
You are thinking with your heart and your head. And as someone else said, keep it up!
Self-loathing goes all the way to the top. Could that explain the lack of empathy from djt and musk?
Well Musk is on the Autism Spectrum Scale which could affect his ability to empathize. Trump is considered a Narcissist Personality Disorder with anti social or sociopathic tendencies which there is a lack of any empathy.
That's who is running our country. People with mental illness and in denial as to how much help they really need. They don't need to be trying to concur the world.
Seems very likely
Thanks for the very thorough analysis of both “gentlemen.”
Can one imagine growing up in an environment where no love, no consistency, nor social skills taught was giving? Bullies generally comes from homes where they were exposed to violence. In these types of homes children are engaged in higher levels of physical bullying than youngsters who were not witnesses to such behavior, according to a study by researchers from the University of Washington and Indiana University. That’s Trump, he was bully in grade school through high school I understand. While in grade school if his bullying backfired on him he ran home according to one story that a “friend” told.
From Psychology: TodayResearch finds that bullies have a distinct psychological makeup. They lack prosocial behavior, are untroubled by anxiety, and do not understand others' feelings. They exhibit a distinctive cognitive feature, a kind of paranoia: They misread the intentions of others, often imputing hostility in neutral situations. Others may not like them, but they typically see themselves quite positively. Those who chronically bully tend to have strained relationships with parents and peers.
Bullying carries the implicit message that aggression and violence are acceptable solutions to problems when they are not. Cooperation and the peaceful resolution of differences support an increasingly interconnected world. Bullying not only harms its victims but it harms the perpetrators themselves. Most bullies have a downwardly spiraling course through life, as their aggressive behavior interferes with learning, holding a job, and establishing and maintaining intimate relationships.
Some bullies do leave the behavior behind. But many do not; aggression is a very stable social interaction style. Many who were bullies as children turn into antisocial adults, who are far more likely than nonaggressive kids to commit crimes, batter their wives, abuse their children—and produce another generation of bullies.
This explains a lot. So how do we combat it? One of these bullies has now become the most powerful man in the world, as well as one of the most feared.
Well he has surrounded himself with loyal kiss ass people that I feel are using him for greed and power and this alone is troubling. The way to deal with him is 1. The GOP needs to stand up against him; 2. The other half of the country needs to also confront him by non violent protests, calling congressional leaders, develop civil discussions with those that voted for him (read Albert Brooks “Love Your Enemies” gives solutions for you on how to deal with Trump’s supporters); 3. I think litigate every thing this administration does, we are a nation of laws and it will tie things up and slow the process of authoritarianism down hopefully for 2 years.
But outside of Trump having a meltdown or an extreme personal crisis which is where people like him would change. I was a behavioral intervention specialist in a mental health center and a meltdown and personal crisis is the only time I have seen people like him change.
I fear his decline into dementia makes it less likely that he would change. Am I correct in assuming this?
I would say yes. A Narcissist Personality Disorder with anti social or sociopathic tendencies are unlikely to change unless there’s a total meltdown or a severe personal crisis then there’s a slight chance of change. Remember also that his diagnosis is developed before the age of five. So imagine what he went through in his family.
Yes, I definitely painfully feel the lack of compassion and empathy. It is heartbreaking and I feel extremely isolated because of it!
You are not alone.
The answer, John, is sadly, unequivocally yes. The cruel, heartless, and evil people in charge of our country who have no compassion or empathy are bad enough. Those like Hegseth who claim to be followers of Christ make it ten times worse, and send my blood pressure through the roof. But for me, what breaks my heart and is poisoning my soul, is my fellow regular Christians who serve willingly, compassionately and yes lovingly, at the food pantry one day, and vote R every day of the week and twice on Sundays, without connecting the two. There are Tens of Millione of those a Christians who live among us, and are too clueless, shallow or brainwashed to see what is happening.
Yes, I'm right there with you on this.... the inexplicable reality of those who, as you say, serve lovingly at the food pantry one day and then vote R the next day, not seeing or experiencing any disconnect whatsoever. We can wonder how that is even possible, but it's happening.
It's the hypocrisy that assaults my spirit as much as anything..... like Trump bemoaning "criminals coming into our country, taking over our cities" when 1) he himself is a crminal; and 2) his first act on Inauguration Day was to let 1500 convicted, violent criminals out of prison, because they had committed their crimes for him. When this is who rank-and-file Republicans follow and idolize, no wonder they don't see their own hypocrisy.
Propaganda works.
Brenda - Well said.
Very well said.
The critical mass of cruel people has been long in the making. Cruelty was celebrated in the 1980s as profitability, the economic tide that was going to lift all boats. But when you use profitability as a way to maximize your wealth by screwing your workforce, eventually those people who do real work get sick of watching you succeed at their expense. They may not understand the economics of the deal, but they know what it feels like: stagnant wages for them while someone else gets a year-end bonus. As the income inequality expands, they start listening to hucksters who find scapegoats they can blame for their situation. Trump's con job found a receptive audience.
No one wants to confront the ever-increasing income inequality because when you aren't the one who is suffering, it's easier to look away. But that's where you will find all the cruel Trump voters.
And what I find disconcerting is that I know many Trump voters who are not cruel. They are just not seeing what is right in front of them.
Not everyone is interested or even able to understand the current political forces at work, which makes them easy pickings for charlatans who use that to gain access to power and money. It is always ultimately about money. Power is just the means to access the money. This is something evangelists have known forever. There is a longstanding American industry built on direct-mail and TV fear mongering that fueled the 1950s anti-communist, anti-LGBTQ, anti-progressive fundraising machine. It’s still churning out fear-based financial empires.
Same here! How do you reconcile your relationships with those who are friends and family and bought into the MAGA cult? Ive always considered my closest MAGA friends kind, trustworthy, and empathetic human beings. Now, I am disillusioned by their vote and don't know how to approach or socialize with them? Thoughts?
I struggle with the same tension. I wrote a letter to one friend, and I keep re-writing it. I may never send it and we haven't spoken since she told me it was her right to vote for [the despot-I don't write his name] if she wanted to. I like a quote from Jess Piper (activist on substack) who said: I voted in their interest, but they voted against mine" (particularly in response to farmers who are now losing their loans). That's what I keep thinking. My friends are educated, resourceful, orher-wise caring people, who voted against my interests. I am hesitant to trust them anymore. I'm stuck.
I’ve used a phrase that came from John Pavlovitz. Two weeks after Trump’s Inauguration a family friend of many years, a Trumper, emailed me and said, “Are you still thinking of leaving the country? Surely you can’t think things are that bad?" My response: “If you’ve educated yourself about everything Trump did after the election, and everything he’s done since the Inauguration, and after absorbing that information you think it’s reasonable to say, ‘Surely you can’t think things are that bad?’ — then you and I are morally incompatible.” It’s that last sentence that came from John. I’m sorry. I can’t forgive my friends and family members who voted for him. And I don’t require myself to do so. I’m not wasting energy being angry at them, but since I can’t trust them anymore, there’s no close relationship that’s possible any longer.
If I know someone who has truly bought into the MAGA cult with all the flags, banners, clothing or weird outbursts on social media, I’m not interested in any sort of contact. They’re too far gone at this point. However I have a friend or two who know my views and make a point of staying away from politics. As long as that continues, we can maintain a tenuous relationship. Right now it’s the only option.
I would suggest reading Albert Brook’s book “Love Your Enemies”. He talks extensively about this issue and gives some suggestions on developing civil discourse.
One of my biggest fears, is that, I became uncaring towards the people that have done this. I am struggling with loving my enemies 💔
I think most of the believers are falling into the trap of feeling guilty of not " love thy neighbour no matter what ".
Jesus himself turned the table upside down in the temple when He saw what had it became of the place where people were supposed to "praise the Lord and be humble and help the poor and sick " !!!
People who claim to be Christians have to learn how to stand up against those who oppress and hurt the needy, the poor and the sick .
Make no mistake the " pharisees " were the ones pushing the dogma and "so called word of God" with no understanding and empathy unto others. Jesus himself had been crucified when the priests did not save Him because they felt threatened and undermined by His charisma !
Seek deep down into your hearts and find the divine spark that should be the light that guides you through Life !
LOVE 🙏❤️
How about the thousands losing their jobs to save a little money so that the super rich can get another tax cut. They do important jobs. They have worked hard . And now they are let go . This will impact them, their families, their communities, and everyone’s safety and wellbeing. Yet it seems a majority of our country including about 80% of Christians see them as freeloaders. This will soon happen to many public school teachers and university faculty around the nation. Also keep in mind that they call all of this empathy “woke” and they openly mock it.
I wonder what is causing them fear around the concept of waking up?
I wish I could understand their fear as well. Many are not oppressed in any way. They have shelter, food, transportation, education, an iincome, even extra funds - yet they are still afraid. Of what? A trans person is going to attack them in a bathroom? Not likely, but a straight man more likely would. Their child is going to read a book they don't approve of? Like they didn't do the same. The Democrats will take their guns and they couldn't defend themselves from would-be immigrant assailant? If Democrats wanted their guns, they would have taken them in Clinton's & Obama's & Biden's terms. What is it they are afraid of? All if it? Are they so overwhelmed with fear-mongering lies that they just stay frightened? How sad is that? Especially if they purportedly trust in God! Seems their trust is mighty shallow. Not to even mention their love...
Your question, in itself a fear uttered, is the natural consequence of the negatively skewed "news" and the amplified cruel rhetoric which passes for information. Humans scan for threat and signs of it "around" as a survival instinct. Our greatest fear is of "no allies" with whom to create safety, build, eat. Often, "fear of the other" CREATES the belief in their hostility, empowering them as as "monsters" while amping up our fear, in a negative falsehood which presages "conflict".
So yes, it seems our nation is activating cruelty as a "strategy". But even those agreeing to tyranny are capable of "feeling for" those they choose to. It is therefore very important not to de-humanize the de-humanizers, or we lose our ability to use our own empathy to reach out beyond fear, and create the bridge of caring those "lost" need to remember how, and to reach back.
We must not muse,about negstivity. It exists. It creates dire outcomes. And so we must respond with courage, sureness in the empathy and concerns we can display not to "the nation", but to each indidual person in the very real and very small interactions we each face daily.
I ask you to provide guidance and strength even as we can admit to our fears and our sadness.
We cannot function bravely if we lose our hope in what is good and valuable. I beg and pray you, I, we do our all to encourage one another and model the faith in action of our empathy gifts lije life depends upon it. Because empathy, like seeing, breathing, and hearing is a natural a process for everone, no matter how angry or bitter they are, and it heals the rift we are in.
We need to work harder to grow our crop of kindness due to the thorns in the field. But we must also focus on removing those thorns with care and certainty, patience and skill.
Thank you for your wise words. Yes, our loving actions are what is needed to overcome the hatred and inattention to reality.
John, Thank you. I do not disagree, and am up many nights visited by unholy ghosts of christianists, past and present. I know that I am trying to make sense of it all, to rise above it, to "be whole" in this shattered mess. Like so many others, I deeply appreciate your sharing of yourself. I heard at a chapel service fifty years ago at an Assemblies of God college that churches building hospitals and schools on the mission field were working for Satan by trying to improve "hell's headquarters." That offended my understanding of Jesus then (I was granted a perpetual excuse from required chapel attendance, after registering my disgust); even more so now.
It seems to me, that, indeed, the pendulum is swinging past the midline between communitarian sensibilities and "I got mine so you can go to hell." You are kind to model a desire to understand that selfishness.
That statement about mission work serving to improve hell's headquarters is chilling. I believe it may explain why destroying the Earth is acceptable. I kind of thought that the incarnation was God telling us how much God honors all of creation.
If, like William Rees says, overshoot has already doomed us, then building hospitals and schools in "hell's headquarters" is even more important because all we CAN do is whatever small things we can put our hands on to do, for as long as we can do them. Screw going to chapel anyway. Unless Bishop Budde, Bishop William Barber or maybe Senator Rev. Dr. Raphael Warnock is preaching, I probably don't want to hear it anyway. For me, that's the answer to what would Jesus be doing now and maybe our only hope.
One of the things I'm really struggling with right now is a former so-called friend who lacks empathy in a lazier way. She doesn't engage in actively deriding others, she just refuses to participate at all. She claims to hate the First Felon, but she refused to vote.
She doesn't care enough about the country or anyone else to do anything about it. She's okay letting the rest of us burn. I am having a really hard time with this. She claims she's a Christian.
I have the same issue. Lots of confusion and cognitive dissonance with church going "christian" friends and family, who present as holy and giving and empathetic but either don't vote or vote for MAGA?
It's like the difference between being a "non"-racist and being an "anti"-racist. One is passive and useless. The other is active and productive.
I finally decided to cut ties with this person. It occurred to me the reason I feel so uncomfortable with this is, unlike a person who voted for the current President because they like what he does, she's a person who hates what he does, & she doesn't care enough to do anything about it. She knows people will be harmed, & she refuses to do anything about it. That feels worse. Once I finally cut ties with her, it felt like a weight lifted from my shoulders. I don't have to "like" someone I've know for decades, simply because I've known her for decades. She's a horrible human being. I don't have to be friends with her, anymore. It feels freeing.
In 1995, I was researching the idea of 'family' for doctoral research and had an 'aha' moment when I realized and could put words to a fundamental difference between our cultures (Canadian and US) in how we set family, women's and children's rights into law. The words I found to describe US were 'individual libertarian' and Canada 'communitarian'. It certainly did not 'define' all individuals (thank goodness) but it helped to understand why Canadians hold on so strongly to universal health care, to welcoming the stranger (although fear is changing that), to no 'right' to carry, to the national responsibility for education, and many other differences between our countries. This explained why I found it so difficult to discuss things like taxes, immigration, etc with American counterparts. It has also helped me understand why 'the greater good' is so rarely the option and why we Canadians are often seen as socialists. So, in short, I agree that empathy has waned and why so many would vote in tRump and why we Canadians are mortified at the mere idea of being called 'Americans'.
I think, I hope, the way forward is to do what this meditative essay encourages us to do, namely to imagine what others are going through. It is better when we can tell real but small stories about people who are harmed--this gay person, that veteran denied VA care, the forest ranger who lost her job. Currently, I am looking for ways to personally put myself between the callous and the victims, whether that be via letters and phone calls or in the street.
Can we still find collective empathy again?
This question puts some fear into my very bones, although my mantra is to resist fear and not be held captive by it. When people lack empathy, they may criticize others for their shortcomings, for their failures, for their very feelings. Understanding another's feelings and experiences which are different from our own takes maturity, compassion, love for neighbor, respect etc.
In our country at this moment as you pointed out John, empathy is taken a step back by cruel, cruel unfeeling people who cannot/will not put themselves in another's place to offer compassion and understanding. When leaders are mentally/emotionally/spiritually lacking and show NO EMPATHY,
others follow blindly.
We can find collective empathy again by each one of us shining our light, by speaking our truth and by reaching out to support and help others...one person at a time.
And this is what make this Mess, Beautiful.
Thank you John.
John, I struggle with this question daily. My first instinct is to view trumpers as the enemy and retreat. My next thought is to try to put myself in their shoes. I ask the question have they been propagandized beyond repair? Have they been injured beyond repair by their families, etc. I don’t have an answer, but I struggle to have empathy for them.
This is the thing that breaks my heart on a daily basis. When did this happen? I used to be surprised when others embraced the disgusting message of Trump's first campaign. There was one red flag after another, telling those of us who still maintained compassion for all, that this was different, and not in a good way. Mocking disabilities, treating women like trash, being openly racist, over and over, Trump made it clear who he was, and a certain segment of American society embraced him anyway. But why? Not everyone fits my mental picture of a rebel class who delights in the fact that he seems to get away with anything he does. Is this their dream existence? Say anything you want, do anything you want, commit crimes, and get away with it all while also being wealthy? I can understand that to a point, I guess, if that's the life you want for yourself with no concern for how it might affect others.
But what about all the rest of the people who voted for him once, twice, or even three times who don't fit that type of mentality? Women, Blacks, Hispanic folks, even a number in my gay community have voted for him every time. As a fallen-away Catholic, I understand how the abortion issue and the American Church's pressure to do anything to rid America of abortion could guide a few hands at the poll, but I know a lot of Catholics who didn't fall for it. That still leaves millions who believe he was the better choice. Really? Does money control their voting hands? Is it race or misogyny? Nationalism? What in the world could make repeating Germany's shameful history in our country worth that vote? And now, our top elected leaders are even encouraging Germany to do it again.
Any way you look at it, empathy is now something to be ashamed of for many people. I refuse to accept that for myself. I can't control even one other person, but I can continue to be an example of how I believe we are supposed to act. It's just one of many ways I choose to resist.
There are also those people who “wouldn’t vote for a Democrat even if the devil himself was running against him” (or her.) That’s a direct quote from someone I know. She said it years ago, but I have no reason to believe she’s changed. In this case the devil himself was running against her. Some lifelong Republicans just cannot bring themselves to vote for a Democrat.
Beautifully written! Thank you.
I continually struggle with separating the person from their politics. At one time I could do it. Don’t misunderstand I certainly have my share and then some of faults but am simply incredulous in others who plainly know the tangerine tyrant is a snake oil salesman and yet can display the willful ignorance necessary to support him. How does this end? My true fear is that even if rump is gone what he has wrought won’t end!
Here's the thing for me. I could maintain the charitable thought that many of those who voted for him in 2016 were somehow fooled. (How and why is for a different post.)
This time around, those who voted for him knew what he was and what he'd do. They no longer have any excuses to hide behind. They have revealed the hatred in their hearts/minds. They don't share the same moral compass as I do. I regard them as predators. They knowingly unleashed the forces of hate and destruction on the rest of us. Many are going to be hurt or killed because of their decision, some family and friends of mine. No, I can't forgive, forget, or "agree to get along" with them.
We must never give up, too many died for what we have, Good can over come Evil, we must have hope, we just got to!