As a long time trauma therapist, I have known far too much of the pain and suffering that people, especially children, experience. The ugliness that occurs in families is my daily work. However, like you, I still clung to the very beliefs you write about in todays' letter. The loss by Harris may have broken me. I know that many people are not good at heart, and have known it for decades, but now I know the number is far greater than I ever imagined. I comforted myself knowing that sociopaths make up only about 4% of the population. Now I realize you don't have to be a sociopath to create evil in this world. Ignorance is just as effective, as is jealousy, fear of losing one's place in the social order, and bitter anger. I too believed our constitution and rule of law would protect us. I no longer believe that. Neither does Joe Biden, hence his pardoning of his son, knowing that evil people would continue to come after him. My faith is sorely tested. My desire to attend church is at an all time low. Religion now seems to me to be a cult, indoctrinating us into misogyny, black and white thinking, hatred of the other, and, frankly, white power. I still believe Jesus taught an entirely different message, but I can no longer trust fellow Christians to believe in that Jesus. Thank you for sharing your grief with us, as I imagine most of your readers are grieving the same issues. This letter expressed it perfectly. I'll continue to read you, as a reminder that there are still good people in the world.
Thank you for commenting how I feel. I worked as a RN in a trauma room for years, saw what bad things people can inflict on others, but always thought they were a minority. I'm no longer sure of anything.
Truly appreciate your reply. I too am a trauma therapist and was raised a Christian. I have not had faith in the existence of a god for many, many years, but I have always believed in basic goodness and the interconnectedness of all beings. My hope for psychopaths is that although they are twisted beyond our knowledge of how to help, that some humanity remains. And it may not.
A few years ago a therapist told me that we don’t all share the same moral code. I am still stunned by this statement even though I see evidence of it daily. I could have gladly gone my entire life without knowing this. I wish it was not true. My mind cannot undo what was and still is my core belief in a universal standard of good and evil.
Thank you for this column. At least I know that others share and struggle with this dilemma.
My mother used to say, “This,too, shall pass.” And it will but SO MUCH hurt and grief will happen before this terrible time passes. I have felt disappointment with God, but I try to remind myself that God gave people free will. People often choose to hurt others, and that’s not what God wants for humanity. Most days I feel lost and confused. This election has caused great moral injury to many people.
Thank you for putting into words what I am feeling. Tears here as I reflect on my country as I used to believe...and now. I can't leave but would if I could. In my 75 years it has never even occurred to me before now. Will it get better before my death? I fear that it will not.
Hi Gena, I’m 73 1/2 and have also dimmed hope that the enlightenment I was raised to believe would always guide the US will prevail. I do, however, believe that it would be far worse for me to stop trying to keep the candle aflame for the younger warriors I know.
So harsh to write, copied from your writing above, mixed w careful words of loss and questions of how to proceed .. and I’m lost in my shrinking village, noticing who offers me safety and supportive upbeat interactions …now lying in bed after 3am wondering if our whole American ‘experiment in democracy’ will crumble and disappear into fear-based interactions that only a day before were strong, warmly good humored exchanges of this day’s opportunities for great bursts of laughter & genuine neighborly friendship.
My past job as a social historian in death penalty cases taught me a lot about the human mindset. Along with the notation that I've come to truly believe that hurt people hurt people, I also know there's a good deal behind how our cultural beliefs that can get in the way of people being kind or thoughtful to one another. When a small group of people are in control of the masses, the vulnerable folks will often become angry and resentful out of their woundedness. I see a lot of that happening now. Communities break down when the few get their wants instead of everyone getting needs meet. I blame a great deal of our woes on capitalism. All the isms grow exponentially when wealth is the end game.
One of the reasons I believe in redemption and have hope is because I've seen miracles. I used to do an orientation for people who wanted to visit someone on death row. The idea was to be a real friend with no judgement. I knew from time spent on their cases the mitigation that took them to that godawful place. Another human being a friend, showing love, changed many a person whose life may have been utterly without such a beautiful connection. One of the volunteer visitors went to meet the man with whom she and he would become dear friends. He had not spoken with a free world person in years. He was so blown away that anyone would care enough to come see him that even the corrections officers were thrilled for him. It changed him to the point that other prisoners remarked on it. Everyone with a visitor would say the friendship made a difference to the outlook on life, that they found a new hope even in their seemingly hopeless situation.
All that to say, I believe that love heals. And we have a massive amount of work to do.
My husband has been reading your work for a while. He told me recently that he sensed your struggle because he watched me grapple with it for several years.
So I want you to know you can walk this valley and discover a glorious faith. I don’t talk or write about my faith much because it is personal. While I often condemn Christian Nationalism and cite Biblical reasons, I am personally more interested in nurturing my faith beyond the confines of “religion.” That journey healed much of the disappointment in others. It’s a process. If I can ever listen or help, please reach out.
I understand completely what you're saying John, but I CAN'T give up, because if I do, then all truly is lost. So even though what I see is scary and disheartening, I just can't give up. I do my best to maintain the mindset, and "heartset" that the current landscape sets the stage for God to show up BIG TIME. 🙏💙🙏💙🙏
Probably it was CS Lewis (who else?) who said something like “If religion doesn’t make a person a great deal better, it can certainly make them a great deal worse.”
Several years ago when I was tutoring high school students, a student said to me in casual conversation, “The struggle is real.” I have since used that expression facetiously as a response to silly situations. But now I think it and use it to describe how I feel most days because I, too, struggle with all the issues that John has written about so eloquently. Another expression that I have embraced over the years and have used in sympathy with others—sometimes light-heartedly, sometimes not—is “This too shall pass.” I keep waiting, hoping, praying that the “passing” won’t take the rest of my lifetime!
Many of us do. I am entirely dependent upon retirement accounts, social security, a reliable and affordable source of groceries, and Medicare. None of this is assured and at 73+ I have few physical resources to use in finding new safety nets.
Rebecca Dieter, I read your comment and my heart goes out to you. On this site, you are not alone. I hope there will come a time when you will find wise, pragmatic actions to make to show your fear it has less real estate in your heart, and will soon be evicted.
As do I. I never thought I'd live to see the day* that I truly feared my government. I've left all Meta apps and deleted my accounts. Modern technology means that may not be enough protection. Remember the Wayback Machine online? I'm on BlueSky for now.
I expect repression on a scale never seen in this country. I've been reading about history all my life. The current pattern is all too familiar to me. Unless something drastic happens before the coronation, I mean inauguration, I expect the worst.
John, my sympathies. I had to wait a bit to ponder how to respond to your request for your readers' thoughts. I have never been a believer in a supernatural being of any kind, although I was raised as an ethnic Jew (maternal side) with a devout Greek Orthodox grandmother (paternal side) and became a medieval historian in part because I wanted to understand how such beautiful ideas supposedly conveyed by Jesus were transformed into such horrible institutions of oppression, hatred, and exclusivity. For me, context carries a lot of weight, as well as history. And I have seen over and over again how fear drives humans to do what they do: fear that they are inadequate leads to narcissism and bigotry; fear of dying leads to the desire to take away the bodily autonomy of others; fear of critical thinking leads to blindly following the orders of strongmen; fear of questioning leads to embracing institutional religions' primary tenet of "believe, don't think." In my academic career, I have had to challenge these fears that resulted in everything from magical thinking to outright violence and hatred directed at me. I no longer have a lot of confidence in humanity as a result. But I DO have confidence in the ability to touch, inspire, and embrace individuals who are open to being challenged and to freeing themselves from these irrational fears that limit their ability to live in the world as mature, sane, responsible, and humane people. It is impossible to change a crowd. It is possible to affect individuals. That is the only thing keeping me going right now.
"Not only do the times change, the times change us." Yes and no. After the shock, disbelief, and sorrow had subsided, a truth in my soul emerged that was more potent than ever. The peace of God is all I am; the peace of God is all I want. I know nothing else. These words are the light shining through my darkness, leading the way. I share so that you may find comfort moving forward, knowing that our internal light did not change even though the times may have.
“The peace of God is all I am.” Thank you, KatVersc. Powerful words and reassurance.
This spiritual power of this thread is reminding me of something that happened to me when my mother died. I was so angry that she had suffered so much in her life, but got so little love from some of the family members who could have been with her here at the end.
As I was writing in my diary to express my grief, the Holy Spirit guided my hand to write, “….but if it had only been me, God, and the nurses there when she died, it would have been enough. If it had only been me and God there when she died, it would have been enough. And if only God was there when she died, it would have been enough. God, alone, is enough.”
Pam, I’m so happy that we connected. God bless you, and we know that both our Moms are in a much better place now. That experience I had showed me that I was being grieved and angry over something that God had already taken care of. Isn’t that just the way life goes? Take care ❤️
I do not believe in justice here anymore. The America that I used to believe would seek justice for persons harmed by others does not seem to exist and maybe never has. I no longer believe that people will be brought to bear for their “sins” against others. Time and time again people go to their grave never seemingly paying for the crimes they commit and the remorse they don’t feel.
John, my husband and I have found ourselves depending on your daily words to help us counter the evil that is happening around us. Thank you so much for your intuitive understanding of how many of us are feeling… it truly helps to know you are out there - your words are an appreciated and comforting part of our days. We pass them on to others frequently as you put into words so eloquently how we are feeling, and so often have a hard time explaining to others who seem to be breezing through life as though nothing has or is about to happen!!! I also enjoy reading comments from other like-minded folks. I have one of your books and I support your writing here on Substack. Thank you.
As a long time trauma therapist, I have known far too much of the pain and suffering that people, especially children, experience. The ugliness that occurs in families is my daily work. However, like you, I still clung to the very beliefs you write about in todays' letter. The loss by Harris may have broken me. I know that many people are not good at heart, and have known it for decades, but now I know the number is far greater than I ever imagined. I comforted myself knowing that sociopaths make up only about 4% of the population. Now I realize you don't have to be a sociopath to create evil in this world. Ignorance is just as effective, as is jealousy, fear of losing one's place in the social order, and bitter anger. I too believed our constitution and rule of law would protect us. I no longer believe that. Neither does Joe Biden, hence his pardoning of his son, knowing that evil people would continue to come after him. My faith is sorely tested. My desire to attend church is at an all time low. Religion now seems to me to be a cult, indoctrinating us into misogyny, black and white thinking, hatred of the other, and, frankly, white power. I still believe Jesus taught an entirely different message, but I can no longer trust fellow Christians to believe in that Jesus. Thank you for sharing your grief with us, as I imagine most of your readers are grieving the same issues. This letter expressed it perfectly. I'll continue to read you, as a reminder that there are still good people in the world.
Thank you for commenting how I feel. I worked as a RN in a trauma room for years, saw what bad things people can inflict on others, but always thought they were a minority. I'm no longer sure of anything.
Truly appreciate your reply. I too am a trauma therapist and was raised a Christian. I have not had faith in the existence of a god for many, many years, but I have always believed in basic goodness and the interconnectedness of all beings. My hope for psychopaths is that although they are twisted beyond our knowledge of how to help, that some humanity remains. And it may not.
Beautifully expressed, Ellen.
You express what I feel so beautifully. Thank you.
A few years ago a therapist told me that we don’t all share the same moral code. I am still stunned by this statement even though I see evidence of it daily. I could have gladly gone my entire life without knowing this. I wish it was not true. My mind cannot undo what was and still is my core belief in a universal standard of good and evil.
Thank you for this column. At least I know that others share and struggle with this dilemma.
Some not only don't share the same moral code as the rest of us, but don't even have one. The Mango Mussolini in particular.
Thank you for so eloquently putting into words my sorrows and fears and disappointments.
My mother used to say, “This,too, shall pass.” And it will but SO MUCH hurt and grief will happen before this terrible time passes. I have felt disappointment with God, but I try to remind myself that God gave people free will. People often choose to hurt others, and that’s not what God wants for humanity. Most days I feel lost and confused. This election has caused great moral injury to many people.
It may not pass within one lifetime.
Thank you for putting into words what I am feeling. Tears here as I reflect on my country as I used to believe...and now. I can't leave but would if I could. In my 75 years it has never even occurred to me before now. Will it get better before my death? I fear that it will not.
Hi Gena, I’m 73 1/2 and have also dimmed hope that the enlightenment I was raised to believe would always guide the US will prevail. I do, however, believe that it would be far worse for me to stop trying to keep the candle aflame for the younger warriors I know.
More reason for mourning .. than for dancing …
So harsh to write, copied from your writing above, mixed w careful words of loss and questions of how to proceed .. and I’m lost in my shrinking village, noticing who offers me safety and supportive upbeat interactions …now lying in bed after 3am wondering if our whole American ‘experiment in democracy’ will crumble and disappear into fear-based interactions that only a day before were strong, warmly good humored exchanges of this day’s opportunities for great bursts of laughter & genuine neighborly friendship.
My past job as a social historian in death penalty cases taught me a lot about the human mindset. Along with the notation that I've come to truly believe that hurt people hurt people, I also know there's a good deal behind how our cultural beliefs that can get in the way of people being kind or thoughtful to one another. When a small group of people are in control of the masses, the vulnerable folks will often become angry and resentful out of their woundedness. I see a lot of that happening now. Communities break down when the few get their wants instead of everyone getting needs meet. I blame a great deal of our woes on capitalism. All the isms grow exponentially when wealth is the end game.
One of the reasons I believe in redemption and have hope is because I've seen miracles. I used to do an orientation for people who wanted to visit someone on death row. The idea was to be a real friend with no judgement. I knew from time spent on their cases the mitigation that took them to that godawful place. Another human being a friend, showing love, changed many a person whose life may have been utterly without such a beautiful connection. One of the volunteer visitors went to meet the man with whom she and he would become dear friends. He had not spoken with a free world person in years. He was so blown away that anyone would care enough to come see him that even the corrections officers were thrilled for him. It changed him to the point that other prisoners remarked on it. Everyone with a visitor would say the friendship made a difference to the outlook on life, that they found a new hope even in their seemingly hopeless situation.
All that to say, I believe that love heals. And we have a massive amount of work to do.
A beautiful post. I, too, believe that love is the key. I have to stop letting other comments get me down. Thank you so much.
My husband has been reading your work for a while. He told me recently that he sensed your struggle because he watched me grapple with it for several years.
So I want you to know you can walk this valley and discover a glorious faith. I don’t talk or write about my faith much because it is personal. While I often condemn Christian Nationalism and cite Biblical reasons, I am personally more interested in nurturing my faith beyond the confines of “religion.” That journey healed much of the disappointment in others. It’s a process. If I can ever listen or help, please reach out.
I understand completely what you're saying John, but I CAN'T give up, because if I do, then all truly is lost. So even though what I see is scary and disheartening, I just can't give up. I do my best to maintain the mindset, and "heartset" that the current landscape sets the stage for God to show up BIG TIME. 🙏💙🙏💙🙏
Probably it was CS Lewis (who else?) who said something like “If religion doesn’t make a person a great deal better, it can certainly make them a great deal worse.”
Several years ago when I was tutoring high school students, a student said to me in casual conversation, “The struggle is real.” I have since used that expression facetiously as a response to silly situations. But now I think it and use it to describe how I feel most days because I, too, struggle with all the issues that John has written about so eloquently. Another expression that I have embraced over the years and have used in sympathy with others—sometimes light-heartedly, sometimes not—is “This too shall pass.” I keep waiting, hoping, praying that the “passing” won’t take the rest of my lifetime!
I actually now live in fear.
Many of us do. I am entirely dependent upon retirement accounts, social security, a reliable and affordable source of groceries, and Medicare. None of this is assured and at 73+ I have few physical resources to use in finding new safety nets.
Rebecca Dieter, I read your comment and my heart goes out to you. On this site, you are not alone. I hope there will come a time when you will find wise, pragmatic actions to make to show your fear it has less real estate in your heart, and will soon be evicted.
As do I. I never thought I'd live to see the day* that I truly feared my government. I've left all Meta apps and deleted my accounts. Modern technology means that may not be enough protection. Remember the Wayback Machine online? I'm on BlueSky for now.
I expect repression on a scale never seen in this country. I've been reading about history all my life. The current pattern is all too familiar to me. Unless something drastic happens before the coronation, I mean inauguration, I expect the worst.
*I'm in my late 60s.
Sending love Gregg. 😘
John, my sympathies. I had to wait a bit to ponder how to respond to your request for your readers' thoughts. I have never been a believer in a supernatural being of any kind, although I was raised as an ethnic Jew (maternal side) with a devout Greek Orthodox grandmother (paternal side) and became a medieval historian in part because I wanted to understand how such beautiful ideas supposedly conveyed by Jesus were transformed into such horrible institutions of oppression, hatred, and exclusivity. For me, context carries a lot of weight, as well as history. And I have seen over and over again how fear drives humans to do what they do: fear that they are inadequate leads to narcissism and bigotry; fear of dying leads to the desire to take away the bodily autonomy of others; fear of critical thinking leads to blindly following the orders of strongmen; fear of questioning leads to embracing institutional religions' primary tenet of "believe, don't think." In my academic career, I have had to challenge these fears that resulted in everything from magical thinking to outright violence and hatred directed at me. I no longer have a lot of confidence in humanity as a result. But I DO have confidence in the ability to touch, inspire, and embrace individuals who are open to being challenged and to freeing themselves from these irrational fears that limit their ability to live in the world as mature, sane, responsible, and humane people. It is impossible to change a crowd. It is possible to affect individuals. That is the only thing keeping me going right now.
"Not only do the times change, the times change us." Yes and no. After the shock, disbelief, and sorrow had subsided, a truth in my soul emerged that was more potent than ever. The peace of God is all I am; the peace of God is all I want. I know nothing else. These words are the light shining through my darkness, leading the way. I share so that you may find comfort moving forward, knowing that our internal light did not change even though the times may have.
“The peace of God is all I am.” Thank you, KatVersc. Powerful words and reassurance.
This spiritual power of this thread is reminding me of something that happened to me when my mother died. I was so angry that she had suffered so much in her life, but got so little love from some of the family members who could have been with her here at the end.
As I was writing in my diary to express my grief, the Holy Spirit guided my hand to write, “….but if it had only been me, God, and the nurses there when she died, it would have been enough. If it had only been me and God there when she died, it would have been enough. And if only God was there when she died, it would have been enough. God, alone, is enough.”
That is so comforting. My mother died in a hospital out of state without family present. I could not stay - I had an infant to get back to.
Pam, I’m so happy that we connected. God bless you, and we know that both our Moms are in a much better place now. That experience I had showed me that I was being grieved and angry over something that God had already taken care of. Isn’t that just the way life goes? Take care ❤️
Wow! Beautiful!
Knowing that our internal light did not change…thank you.
I do not believe in justice here anymore. The America that I used to believe would seek justice for persons harmed by others does not seem to exist and maybe never has. I no longer believe that people will be brought to bear for their “sins” against others. Time and time again people go to their grave never seemingly paying for the crimes they commit and the remorse they don’t feel.
John, my husband and I have found ourselves depending on your daily words to help us counter the evil that is happening around us. Thank you so much for your intuitive understanding of how many of us are feeling… it truly helps to know you are out there - your words are an appreciated and comforting part of our days. We pass them on to others frequently as you put into words so eloquently how we are feeling, and so often have a hard time explaining to others who seem to be breezing through life as though nothing has or is about to happen!!! I also enjoy reading comments from other like-minded folks. I have one of your books and I support your writing here on Substack. Thank you.