How in the hell did we get here?
Really.
I’m not asking how America elected a convicted felon, or how nearly every Republican in Congress steamrolled one of the most malevolent pieces of legislation in recent history through, or how the Evangelical Church ended up fully making its bed with a political party to disastrous results for both entities.
Those things can at least be reasonably explained by a perfect storm of Christian nationalism, cult-like political tribalism, systemic racism, and the fierce pull of wealth and power.
As unthinkable as our political realities seem and as shocking as the legislative fallout appears, if we look at this nation’s history, in many ways, they become less a mystery and more a logical progression.
This isn’t what is leveling me these days.
This isn’t why my incredulity is this profound.
This isn’t the question that makes sleep difficult.
I want to know how the people around me lost the ability to care about the suffering of others, and worse, how that ability became a character flaw.
When and how, for tens of millions of people, did empathy move from one of the highest human aspirations, one prized by the greatest ethic, moral, and spiritual leaders this planet has known, to a supposed deficiency to be ridiculed? How does a collective so lose the plot of humanity so thoroughly?
Looking at my timeline, eavesdropping in local coffee shops, and replaying exchanges with family members and people in my social circle, the realization of just how fluent so many Americans have become in cruelty has sucker punched me in ways no Congressional vote or human rights rollback has.
These aren’t politicians putting on a persona to curry votes, or opportunistic clergy looking to fill their pews and coffers. I’m talking about ordinary, supposedly decent, faithful, rational adults who simply don’t give a shit about other human beings. I am grieving so many people I once loved or at least respected, who seem to have been invaded by some parasitic beings for whom the pain in their path is something to be celebrated.
This is outside the realm of politics or the reach of religion.
It’s one thing to believe that our borders need to be more secure, and another entirely to post posturing, taunting memes about immigrant prisoners dying of heat stroke and being fed to alligators. What brings about the kind of heart mutation?
There is a massive moral leap from not supporting the LGBTQ community on some theological grounds to publicly advocating for their violent eradication. How exactly does a soul justify such ugliness?
I can’t count how many times I’ve scrolled through a longtime friend’s social media page or walked away from a neighborhood block party or finished reading a relative’s text and thought “I remember when you cared about people.”
I don’t know how to reach them anymore, because the ways I always believed worked to bridge the gaps are proving ineffective.
And that is the most bitter pill to swallow right now: to realize that I can’t appeal to these people’s compassion as a way of awakening them to the suffering around them because that well seems to have permanently dried up.
And the irony of it all is that these are the people who most test the empathy in me. I am finding it more and more difficult to keep my heart from being hardened toward them.
Lately, I’m not as worried that we won’t eventually course correct out of this newly arrived fascism or that the pendulum of power won’t swing to a less predatory group of lawmakers, as I am that we will be able to reach the humanity of people who have grown to believe that this humanity makes them weak.
I’m beginning to wonder if this is what far too large a section of our nation has become: people who haven’t just lost empathy, but now have complete contempt for it. I always believed that most people want good things for other human beings, and to be proven wrong so often is deflating.
As for me, I refuse to allow the cruelty of the crowds to drain the compassion from me.
Empathy is still the better path, even if so many continue to walk away from it.
OMG, John… I was just saying this… I have discovered how little some family members, a few long-time friends, and people I have known through work or other associations…just don’t give a flying fk about immigrants, trans, gays, African Americans… I don’t get it. It has me questioning nearly ALL of the relationships in my life.
I've noticed the change over many years now. There used to be a time when there was kindness. You would say hello to someone and they would answer back. You would talk to someone on the bus or at the checkout calendar at the grocery store. Normal conversation nothing out of the ordinary. We would take the time to put the grocery carts back into the carrels someone else has decided it wasn't necessary for them to do it, so I did it. Small kindnesses. Helping someone with their groceries to their car or to their house. I don't know when this is stopped but it has. Kindness and empathy go hand in hand. I still take the time to greet everyone I see hello how are you doing? But most people don't answer or even acknowledge that they see me. Just to clarify I'm nothing really to look at I'm 73 years old and I'm disabled and I'm on oxygen so why would they care to see me? I keep telling myself that but we're losing touch with so much under Trump. He is cruel. He is unthinking. He is definitely unkind, and his regime are exactly the same. I'm surrounded by MAGAs where I live. I would love to move but I don't have any my money. I am actually surprised when someone will open a door for me because I am unable to get through a door without one of those handicap buttons. I almost break down in tears when someone says hello and opens the door for me. I don't know who we've become but we are no longer kind and empathetic and I know we were under President Obama and President Biden. We are extremely cruel to people under Trump and his regime. He makes it worse every day. We have to fight to to maintain our humanity until we can get rid of Trump and his regime!