OMG, John… I was just saying this… I have discovered how little some family members, a few long-time friends, and people I have known through work or other associations…just don’t give a flying fk about immigrants, trans, gays, African Americans… I don’t get it. It has me questioning nearly ALL of the relationships in my life.
It's not just about the groups you mentioned. Many don't care about anyone outside of their little circle. I've been blindsided several times by people I thought I knew well who started spouting hatred seemingly out of nowhere.
I've noticed the change over many years now. There used to be a time when there was kindness. You would say hello to someone and they would answer back. You would talk to someone on the bus or at the checkout calendar at the grocery store. Normal conversation nothing out of the ordinary. We would take the time to put the grocery carts back into the carrels someone else has decided it wasn't necessary for them to do it, so I did it. Small kindnesses. Helping someone with their groceries to their car or to their house. I don't know when this is stopped but it has. Kindness and empathy go hand in hand. I still take the time to greet everyone I see hello how are you doing? But most people don't answer or even acknowledge that they see me. Just to clarify I'm nothing really to look at I'm 73 years old and I'm disabled and I'm on oxygen so why would they care to see me? I keep telling myself that but we're losing touch with so much under Trump. He is cruel. He is unthinking. He is definitely unkind, and his regime are exactly the same. I'm surrounded by MAGAs where I live. I would love to move but I don't have any my money. I am actually surprised when someone will open a door for me because I am unable to get through a door without one of those handicap buttons. I almost break down in tears when someone says hello and opens the door for me. I don't know who we've become but we are no longer kind and empathetic and I know we were under President Obama and President Biden. We are extremely cruel to people under Trump and his regime. He makes it worse every day. We have to fight to to maintain our humanity until we can get rid of Trump and his regime!
Tears dropped while reading this as I have noticed the same things. Empathy is now painfully overwhelming, as it feels like I woke up to a world I no longer belong. My hope isn’t gone yet, but it’s on life support, as I desperately seek ways to make any difference.
I’m still at a loss to determine if millions of people got poisoned by misinformation and propaganda and now justify cruelty due to being sucked into a cult…..or did this hideous leader of theirs just crack open a dark cold soul in millions (that was always there but contained by decorum) and they now feel free to be their true selves?? Sad answer either way.
All I know is that when he slithered down the escalator and gave his racist cruel speech in 2015, my skin crawled. From unfortunate life experience, I knew a sociopathic monster when I saw one.
Either one or both. But I still strongly feel the empathy, in large part because I married a son of Holocaust survivors and lived with their stories, day in and day out. As a young woman, I thought that if such a situation would arise, I could somehow stop it. But it's much the same playbook and I don't know how.
I broke down in tears twice today - twice! Once at work, then in my new doctor’s office. For the reasons John mentioned. Embarrassing. And the day’s only half over. For the past 4 days I’ve woken up to existential dread. Empathy and compassion hurt! Especially when I think about so many innocents suffering and dying at the hands of MAGA monsters, with much more, likely worse, to come. It helps to know that others feel it too, that this is a natural (but not normal) human reaction to so much pain and misery in our alleged “home of the free” … and beyond! I have so much to be grateful for but I can’t shake this awful feeling that worsens with each growing awareness of what exactly is going on.
Thank god the people I know are angry and horrified by what is happening in this country. I can't imagine what I would do if I were in your shoes, it would be unbearable. But the good old U.S.A has become unrecognizable. It is a place whee a racial slur has become an act of patriotism.. And for those in charge, cruelty is just a by-product, they simply do not give a shit about anyone or anything except themselves and their bank accounts. I am seething, but seething is not a helpful act. I'm too old to march and I don't know how to shoot. Thank you for this post.
This is nothing new. We’ve been called bleeding heart liberals for decades. Others have been complaining about welfare queens and fags and dykes and wetbacks and gooks and okies for decades. It’s just that since the advent of trumpism, people feel empowered to crow about how much they despise other people, it’s become socially acceptable. Again. We only had a few minutes here and there somewhere between 1966 and maybe 2015 where empathy, justice, and equality were actually encouraged. And empathy has never been respected. People who show empathy are soft, too sensitive, weak, snowflakes, babies, crybabies, not ready for the real world. We get our feelings hurt too easily. Trust me, as a tender hearted child and empathetic, compassionate adult, I’ve been called all those names. Bullies don’t understand how much courage empathy requires. They have no idea how strong we truly are, and how persistent we can be.
Yup. I really noticed this during the Covid outbreak, when so many people seemed to think vaccination was too big a lift to help keep others from catching a potentially fatal disease. Now our narcissist-in-chief conducts daily classes in not caring about anybody else, and his red-hatted rabble applauds. I’m not sure empathy is a teachable skill…it used to come about organically.
Seems to me it erupted when trump came on the scene. His callousness when campaigning and then while seated in a high office was permission for others to crawl out from under their rocks and bare their ugliest selves. Common courtesy and decency took a back seat to baser impulses of these low-lifes. Trump hasn't retreated, so why should they? He's the devil incarnate.
As a Democrat, I'm so ashamed that we've backed Israel for so long with weapons and allowed AIPAC to bribe our representatives in the government. Shameful. I'm not anti-Semitic, my morals just don't line up with bombing starving human beings while they wait in a food line.
Saying that, I feel very badly for the people of Gaza, but the monsters are hiding behind them and, if you want to end the terror, you have to make choices.
You’ve said what I’ve been struggling with: it’s not just the laws, the lies, or the legislatures. It’s the deadness. The hollowness in people I once called neighbor, colleague, even friend.
I’ve seen what happens when cruelty becomes policy. I’ve seen the human cost when empathy is scrubbed from the paperwork, stripped from the protocols, and buried under euphemisms like “security” and “fraud prevention.” But I never expected the erosion of compassion to become not just policy—but personality.
What used to be an ache for justice, a grief for the vulnerable, has become punchline fodder. What used to be the mark of a decent soul—caring for the hungry, the stranger, the broken—is now labeled “weakness,” or worse, “woke.” When did empathy become something to mock instead of something to admire?
And yes, it feels like the people around us didn’t just lose their empathy—they traded it in for something cheaper. Something meaner. Like cruelty was on sale and they all lined up to buy it in bulk. But that trade comes at a price: their souls. Their ability to recognize suffering. Their capacity to look in a mirror and see anything still human.
This isn’t just about political difference. This is about a spiritual deformation.
But I’ll tell you what else I know: empathy doesn’t die that easily. It can be buried under layers of fear and rage and indoctrination—but it’s still there. Quiet. Patient. Waiting for the moment someone remembers what it feels like to be held when you’re hurting. To be seen when you’re scared. To be treated like a person when everything around you says you’re disposable.
And if empathy really is dying in this country, then I say we become its resurrection.
Let them preach cruelty in their pulpits—we’ll build sanctuaries of compassion in our streets.
Let them pass laws to punish the vulnerable—we’ll organize to protect them.
Let them laugh at suffering—we’ll kneel beside it.
Because the measure of a nation isn’t what it celebrates on holidays. It’s what it tolerates in its daily life. And I, for one, refuse to become one more calloused bystander.
The question isn’t whether they still have empathy. Maybe they don’t.
The question is—do we?
And what are we willing to do with it?
Let’s make sure they never forget what it looks like.
ThankQ Dino once again, for lifting my spirits and feeling the sunshine of your wisdom.
They'll have to tear my empathy out of "my cold, dead hands".
All of our love & goodness will prevail, although I do find myself, as John Cleese once said, feeling heartened when I see DJT playing golf, because it reminds me that Hitler shot himself in a bunker 🤠
I am also feeling this. I am so disappointed & angry at a LOT of people around me who just don't care about others. It manifests itself in so many ways...cutting people off when driving, not holding doors open, rudeness to sales clerks or restaurant servers and the big one, saying hateful things about immigrants, gays, and anyone who doesn't fit into their idea of who is worthy. At least I can still be proud of my children & grandchildren (ages 16-25). Empathy abounds in that crew!
"How does a collective so lose the plot of humanity so thoroughly?" That's your country's conundrum in a nutshell, John. Well, half your country anyway. I'm afraid that any potential reversal will take generations.
I was talking to a college student yesterday and he stated that the problem these days in his opinion was that people have stopped caring about anyone but themselves. Definitely seeing that in my neighborhood and small town.
I do care deeply about others and will always do so. That’s how I was raised and can’t imagine turning a blind eye to the suffering of others.
Well said, as always John. Power and wealth, power and wealth....those are strong magnets with tremendous pull. And what is most sad is when the pursuit of both come wrapped up in a package with "Jesus" written all over it. How very hypocritical that those who use his name to aquire those magnets don't realize how very apparent their shallow understanding of Christ and faith appears. Jesus is heartsick he has become a pawn in an ugly pursuit.
A person doesn't have to follow Jesus to be a good person. In fact,,the Evangelical "Christian" church is causing this problem.
Everyone in my family is atheist. We have members who are interracial and gay. We have friends who are Jewish and trans. We have enormous compassion because we love each other. Any of our presumed hate is anger. Jesus got angry at injustice too.
Yes. This. Folks need to get out of their Jesus only, mindset, meet their neighbors, smile at someone they're afraid of, and actually be human. I love the thought of a Jesus, but unfortunately many have sullied his image. I think he loved everyone, no matter any preconceived notions. I can get behind that.
I think it is ironic that Jesus was Jewish and there is so much rabid anti semitism throughout the millennium. He was very Jewish and his values reflect that. The Last Supper was a Seder. He had no knowledge that, 500 years later, he would be made a god and revered. Why isn’t that taught to everyone?
With all due respect: The kindest, most empathetic & generous people we know are not "practicing" Christians. The wider we grow "our village" the more we become aware of what a "Christian in name only" is & it is very disappointing. John writes eloquently about "them."
Empathy is not the outcome of belief in Jesus or any other godlike figure. We would not have survived as a species without its evolution. Scientists have studied what happens to people when they have obscene amounts of wealth and privilege. They lose their empathy.
We in America have long had a lack of it as a people when it comes to others, like Native Americans, Black slaves, LGBTQ+, women, poor laborers trying to organize into a union, anyone that wasn’t part of the white supremacist capitalistic patriarchy. What’s different today is that people are not only saying the quiet part out loud, but even putting white people who disagree with the banality of evil at our nation’s core in the crosshairs. It is who we are and have always been. Many of us have just not been paying attention because we were not personally experiencing the pain, and because we have all been brainwashed about American exceptionalism. Trump is the revealer of our never dealt with recurring genocidal tendencies that go all the way back to our founders, like the religiously fanatical puritans and the how-can-I-make-a-buck exploiters of the new world.
Bill Gates has obscene amounts of money and has not lost his empathy. Bezo's x wife has obscene amounts of money and has not lost her empathy. It is individual.
A quick Google search will reveal that the scientific studies into the effects of wealth on the diminishment of empathy is broad and deep. Being able to name two exceptions does not make it individual, but hey, Americans have a long history of anti intellectualism and distrust of science too, so your comment fits right in with that trend as well.
OK, Madeline I agree with you even though I don't consider myself to be an anti intellect. I didn't read the scientific studies, but I do listen and I don't have a distrust of science.
OMG, John… I was just saying this… I have discovered how little some family members, a few long-time friends, and people I have known through work or other associations…just don’t give a flying fk about immigrants, trans, gays, African Americans… I don’t get it. It has me questioning nearly ALL of the relationships in my life.
I have the same situation. Family members and people I thought were friends truly disappoint me. Needless to say my people group is very small
It's not just about the groups you mentioned. Many don't care about anyone outside of their little circle. I've been blindsided several times by people I thought I knew well who started spouting hatred seemingly out of nowhere.
It’s disturbing, isn’t it?
I've noticed the change over many years now. There used to be a time when there was kindness. You would say hello to someone and they would answer back. You would talk to someone on the bus or at the checkout calendar at the grocery store. Normal conversation nothing out of the ordinary. We would take the time to put the grocery carts back into the carrels someone else has decided it wasn't necessary for them to do it, so I did it. Small kindnesses. Helping someone with their groceries to their car or to their house. I don't know when this is stopped but it has. Kindness and empathy go hand in hand. I still take the time to greet everyone I see hello how are you doing? But most people don't answer or even acknowledge that they see me. Just to clarify I'm nothing really to look at I'm 73 years old and I'm disabled and I'm on oxygen so why would they care to see me? I keep telling myself that but we're losing touch with so much under Trump. He is cruel. He is unthinking. He is definitely unkind, and his regime are exactly the same. I'm surrounded by MAGAs where I live. I would love to move but I don't have any my money. I am actually surprised when someone will open a door for me because I am unable to get through a door without one of those handicap buttons. I almost break down in tears when someone says hello and opens the door for me. I don't know who we've become but we are no longer kind and empathetic and I know we were under President Obama and President Biden. We are extremely cruel to people under Trump and his regime. He makes it worse every day. We have to fight to to maintain our humanity until we can get rid of Trump and his regime!
Tears dropped while reading this as I have noticed the same things. Empathy is now painfully overwhelming, as it feels like I woke up to a world I no longer belong. My hope isn’t gone yet, but it’s on life support, as I desperately seek ways to make any difference.
Amen, Tami. And we can’t lose hope, otherwise what’s the point of any of this that we’re doing here?🙏🏻
Heartbreakingly articulated, MT.. and spot on😞
I’m still at a loss to determine if millions of people got poisoned by misinformation and propaganda and now justify cruelty due to being sucked into a cult…..or did this hideous leader of theirs just crack open a dark cold soul in millions (that was always there but contained by decorum) and they now feel free to be their true selves?? Sad answer either way.
All I know is that when he slithered down the escalator and gave his racist cruel speech in 2015, my skin crawled. From unfortunate life experience, I knew a sociopathic monster when I saw one.
Either one or both. But I still strongly feel the empathy, in large part because I married a son of Holocaust survivors and lived with their stories, day in and day out. As a young woman, I thought that if such a situation would arise, I could somehow stop it. But it's much the same playbook and I don't know how.
I broke down in tears twice today - twice! Once at work, then in my new doctor’s office. For the reasons John mentioned. Embarrassing. And the day’s only half over. For the past 4 days I’ve woken up to existential dread. Empathy and compassion hurt! Especially when I think about so many innocents suffering and dying at the hands of MAGA monsters, with much more, likely worse, to come. It helps to know that others feel it too, that this is a natural (but not normal) human reaction to so much pain and misery in our alleged “home of the free” … and beyond! I have so much to be grateful for but I can’t shake this awful feeling that worsens with each growing awareness of what exactly is going on.
If anything, your column reinforces my commitment to empathy each day! This is a community that fosters compassion.
Thank god the people I know are angry and horrified by what is happening in this country. I can't imagine what I would do if I were in your shoes, it would be unbearable. But the good old U.S.A has become unrecognizable. It is a place whee a racial slur has become an act of patriotism.. And for those in charge, cruelty is just a by-product, they simply do not give a shit about anyone or anything except themselves and their bank accounts. I am seething, but seething is not a helpful act. I'm too old to march and I don't know how to shoot. Thank you for this post.
This is nothing new. We’ve been called bleeding heart liberals for decades. Others have been complaining about welfare queens and fags and dykes and wetbacks and gooks and okies for decades. It’s just that since the advent of trumpism, people feel empowered to crow about how much they despise other people, it’s become socially acceptable. Again. We only had a few minutes here and there somewhere between 1966 and maybe 2015 where empathy, justice, and equality were actually encouraged. And empathy has never been respected. People who show empathy are soft, too sensitive, weak, snowflakes, babies, crybabies, not ready for the real world. We get our feelings hurt too easily. Trust me, as a tender hearted child and empathetic, compassionate adult, I’ve been called all those names. Bullies don’t understand how much courage empathy requires. They have no idea how strong we truly are, and how persistent we can be.
Yup. I really noticed this during the Covid outbreak, when so many people seemed to think vaccination was too big a lift to help keep others from catching a potentially fatal disease. Now our narcissist-in-chief conducts daily classes in not caring about anybody else, and his red-hatted rabble applauds. I’m not sure empathy is a teachable skill…it used to come about organically.
Seems to me it erupted when trump came on the scene. His callousness when campaigning and then while seated in a high office was permission for others to crawl out from under their rocks and bare their ugliest selves. Common courtesy and decency took a back seat to baser impulses of these low-lifes. Trump hasn't retreated, so why should they? He's the devil incarnate.
Democrats and Republicans demonstrated over the past 3 years that they are completely willing to facilitate genocide as the world watches.
As a Democrat, I'm so ashamed that we've backed Israel for so long with weapons and allowed AIPAC to bribe our representatives in the government. Shameful. I'm not anti-Semitic, my morals just don't line up with bombing starving human beings while they wait in a food line.
Do your morals line up with raping women to death and leaving these monsters to do it again?
Saying that, I feel very badly for the people of Gaza, but the monsters are hiding behind them and, if you want to end the terror, you have to make choices.
You’ve said what I’ve been struggling with: it’s not just the laws, the lies, or the legislatures. It’s the deadness. The hollowness in people I once called neighbor, colleague, even friend.
I’ve seen what happens when cruelty becomes policy. I’ve seen the human cost when empathy is scrubbed from the paperwork, stripped from the protocols, and buried under euphemisms like “security” and “fraud prevention.” But I never expected the erosion of compassion to become not just policy—but personality.
What used to be an ache for justice, a grief for the vulnerable, has become punchline fodder. What used to be the mark of a decent soul—caring for the hungry, the stranger, the broken—is now labeled “weakness,” or worse, “woke.” When did empathy become something to mock instead of something to admire?
And yes, it feels like the people around us didn’t just lose their empathy—they traded it in for something cheaper. Something meaner. Like cruelty was on sale and they all lined up to buy it in bulk. But that trade comes at a price: their souls. Their ability to recognize suffering. Their capacity to look in a mirror and see anything still human.
This isn’t just about political difference. This is about a spiritual deformation.
But I’ll tell you what else I know: empathy doesn’t die that easily. It can be buried under layers of fear and rage and indoctrination—but it’s still there. Quiet. Patient. Waiting for the moment someone remembers what it feels like to be held when you’re hurting. To be seen when you’re scared. To be treated like a person when everything around you says you’re disposable.
And if empathy really is dying in this country, then I say we become its resurrection.
Let them preach cruelty in their pulpits—we’ll build sanctuaries of compassion in our streets.
Let them pass laws to punish the vulnerable—we’ll organize to protect them.
Let them laugh at suffering—we’ll kneel beside it.
Because the measure of a nation isn’t what it celebrates on holidays. It’s what it tolerates in its daily life. And I, for one, refuse to become one more calloused bystander.
The question isn’t whether they still have empathy. Maybe they don’t.
The question is—do we?
And what are we willing to do with it?
Let’s make sure they never forget what it looks like.
ThankQ Dino once again, for lifting my spirits and feeling the sunshine of your wisdom.
They'll have to tear my empathy out of "my cold, dead hands".
All of our love & goodness will prevail, although I do find myself, as John Cleese once said, feeling heartened when I see DJT playing golf, because it reminds me that Hitler shot himself in a bunker 🤠
I am also feeling this. I am so disappointed & angry at a LOT of people around me who just don't care about others. It manifests itself in so many ways...cutting people off when driving, not holding doors open, rudeness to sales clerks or restaurant servers and the big one, saying hateful things about immigrants, gays, and anyone who doesn't fit into their idea of who is worthy. At least I can still be proud of my children & grandchildren (ages 16-25). Empathy abounds in that crew!
"How does a collective so lose the plot of humanity so thoroughly?" That's your country's conundrum in a nutshell, John. Well, half your country anyway. I'm afraid that any potential reversal will take generations.
I was talking to a college student yesterday and he stated that the problem these days in his opinion was that people have stopped caring about anyone but themselves. Definitely seeing that in my neighborhood and small town.
I do care deeply about others and will always do so. That’s how I was raised and can’t imagine turning a blind eye to the suffering of others.
Well said, as always John. Power and wealth, power and wealth....those are strong magnets with tremendous pull. And what is most sad is when the pursuit of both come wrapped up in a package with "Jesus" written all over it. How very hypocritical that those who use his name to aquire those magnets don't realize how very apparent their shallow understanding of Christ and faith appears. Jesus is heartsick he has become a pawn in an ugly pursuit.
to answer your question: because we have forgotten to follow Jesus.
A person doesn't have to follow Jesus to be a good person. In fact,,the Evangelical "Christian" church is causing this problem.
Everyone in my family is atheist. We have members who are interracial and gay. We have friends who are Jewish and trans. We have enormous compassion because we love each other. Any of our presumed hate is anger. Jesus got angry at injustice too.
Yes. This. Folks need to get out of their Jesus only, mindset, meet their neighbors, smile at someone they're afraid of, and actually be human. I love the thought of a Jesus, but unfortunately many have sullied his image. I think he loved everyone, no matter any preconceived notions. I can get behind that.
Not evangelical Christians, they are Christofacists!
I was just about to say, Jesus flipped over tables too because of the injustice he saw...
I think it is ironic that Jesus was Jewish and there is so much rabid anti semitism throughout the millennium. He was very Jewish and his values reflect that. The Last Supper was a Seder. He had no knowledge that, 500 years later, he would be made a god and revered. Why isn’t that taught to everyone?
With all due respect: The kindest, most empathetic & generous people we know are not "practicing" Christians. The wider we grow "our village" the more we become aware of what a "Christian in name only" is & it is very disappointing. John writes eloquently about "them."
People can and do live moral lives without being Christian or practicing religion.
Empathy is not the outcome of belief in Jesus or any other godlike figure. We would not have survived as a species without its evolution. Scientists have studied what happens to people when they have obscene amounts of wealth and privilege. They lose their empathy.
We in America have long had a lack of it as a people when it comes to others, like Native Americans, Black slaves, LGBTQ+, women, poor laborers trying to organize into a union, anyone that wasn’t part of the white supremacist capitalistic patriarchy. What’s different today is that people are not only saying the quiet part out loud, but even putting white people who disagree with the banality of evil at our nation’s core in the crosshairs. It is who we are and have always been. Many of us have just not been paying attention because we were not personally experiencing the pain, and because we have all been brainwashed about American exceptionalism. Trump is the revealer of our never dealt with recurring genocidal tendencies that go all the way back to our founders, like the religiously fanatical puritans and the how-can-I-make-a-buck exploiters of the new world.
Bill Gates has obscene amounts of money and has not lost his empathy. Bezo's x wife has obscene amounts of money and has not lost her empathy. It is individual.
A quick Google search will reveal that the scientific studies into the effects of wealth on the diminishment of empathy is broad and deep. Being able to name two exceptions does not make it individual, but hey, Americans have a long history of anti intellectualism and distrust of science too, so your comment fits right in with that trend as well.
OK, Madeline I agree with you even though I don't consider myself to be an anti intellect. I didn't read the scientific studies, but I do listen and I don't have a distrust of science.