Since my husband and I got together, we have made No Family Holidays With Family an annual Thanksgiving and Christmas tradition. For more than 20 years running, we have created our own traditions as a couple. Yes, family was offended at first, but we held that boundary. We are not obligated to observe these traditions simply because our society expects it. Especially now.
John, thank you for naming reality for the many millions of us who are still reeling from the tragic results of the election. I live in blue state Maryland where I am glad that the red votes cast by family, friends and neighbors still proudly displaying their Trump signs ultimately didn’t matter in our states electoral count. But they are indeed in the popular vote of those who choose all the -ism’s and lit a match to democracy. For all of us, you have captured our broken heartedness and gifted us with permission to feel and guidance and how we can choose to move forward during this holiday season. Thank you!
John, I am in the same sea of flowers as Tom. I am the elder in my huge family.. totally now near 100. And we are ALL supporters of our beloved democracy and voted for Kamala. Unfortunately, there were not enough voters throughout the country who were not brainwashed by the far right.
God bless you dear Elizabeth! My dear mom lived to be a vibrant 99 :) Wish we all paid much closer attention to your generation...my parents were young adults in Denmark during WWII & I miss them now more than ever. Take care of you & yours. Peace
John, I really feel for you. Clearly you are a flower in a sea of thorns. I detest the outcome of the election too and we all fear for our beloved democracy. However, fortunately I abide in a tribe of flowers with nary a thorn.
Thank you, John, for your very sound, loving, and wise counsel. These are heartbreaking times for so many of us. We've been gut-punched by learning that what we believed and hoped was true about most people in our country - some we know and love, others are strangers - was sadly not true. It's a difficult truth to take in. No matter how hard those who voted for a convicted felon for president try to paint us as the villans, we are not guilty. We must choose wisely to whom we give our time and attention.
One of our sons and his wife are conservative, and their vote whatever it was did not change the outcome in our state...and we don't talk politics on holidays, so we can enjoy a family holiday together.
If someone's relative cannot avoid talking politics then excluding yourselves or excluding them is probably a good choice, and gathering with like minded friends might be more fun and comfortable....but breaking the tradition of family on the holiday might be a harmful and permanent precedent. Most of us feel some extra attachment to 'family' knowing they will always try to help and protect you, and share common memories. We can have the same thing with good friends of course, but there is a little bit more permanence and reliability with family (hopefully).
I'm aware lots of families have estrangements but in our two families that is considered inconceivable. We know enough not to allow it to develop I guess. I think of we chose to gather with friends on holidays instead of family we might actually enjoy it more, but we would break that tradition and bond and it would be hard to get it back once it is broken.
So touched by the overwhelming empathy and care you give me by allowing me to stay in my pajamas lying on the bed with my pets and just taking care of me, that I burst into tears.
Thank you for your genius at sharing just the words we need to hang on to.
A wilted flower in a vast ocean of thorns, who spent 2 post election days in catatonic disbelief, voicing a somewhat different thought. Suppose we venture outside our comfort zones and attempt to bridge the chasm with those who chose chaos over progress and freedom. I'm not talking about making nice with the nazi flag bearing, testosterone laden moron screaming expletives. But my son's in laws who've always seemed reasonable and who's DNA is also part of our grandchildren, might be a good place to start. Donating, signing postcards, making phone calls didn't help. So I will resist the urge to spill red wine on them and rant that they've chosen to destroy 250 years of democracy. I'll try to understand. A tiny seed of tolerance sown in a bleak landscape of hatred and anger. Wish me good luck. In the meantime, everyone is getting banned books for Christmas.
To thine own self always be true especially when you wake up on the other side of the mirror… I cannot shake this disorientation and heavy betrayal coming from the evangelical/fundamentalist peeps in my life who I believe have been totally deceived by evil one…I cannot unsee nor unfeel what I just experienced w my lifelong evangelical sister. It’s heartbreaking and soul wrecking which cannot easily be overlooked or forgiven ESPECIALLY at CHRISTmas time.
It’s like the evil one has been permitted to STEAL Jesus, His commandments, The Holy Bible, our Government, The US founding decrees, our Laws/RightsHealthSafety, basically our America and I am suppose to deny this Betrayal & Trauma at a dinner table?
I want to tell these Legalistic/ Fundamentalist/Evangelical Christians that ushered in this dangerous evil to continue reading up on Themselves in our Holy Bible the prophetic Book of Revelations. Seems to me These times are the Manifestations of Revelations and disturbing visions/Dreams of Daniel. UGH!
Since my husband and I got together, we have made No Family Holidays With Family an annual Thanksgiving and Christmas tradition. For more than 20 years running, we have created our own traditions as a couple. Yes, family was offended at first, but we held that boundary. We are not obligated to observe these traditions simply because our society expects it. Especially now.
John, thank you for naming reality for the many millions of us who are still reeling from the tragic results of the election. I live in blue state Maryland where I am glad that the red votes cast by family, friends and neighbors still proudly displaying their Trump signs ultimately didn’t matter in our states electoral count. But they are indeed in the popular vote of those who choose all the -ism’s and lit a match to democracy. For all of us, you have captured our broken heartedness and gifted us with permission to feel and guidance and how we can choose to move forward during this holiday season. Thank you!
John, I am in the same sea of flowers as Tom. I am the elder in my huge family.. totally now near 100. And we are ALL supporters of our beloved democracy and voted for Kamala. Unfortunately, there were not enough voters throughout the country who were not brainwashed by the far right.
God bless you dear Elizabeth! My dear mom lived to be a vibrant 99 :) Wish we all paid much closer attention to your generation...my parents were young adults in Denmark during WWII & I miss them now more than ever. Take care of you & yours. Peace
John, I really feel for you. Clearly you are a flower in a sea of thorns. I detest the outcome of the election too and we all fear for our beloved democracy. However, fortunately I abide in a tribe of flowers with nary a thorn.
Thank you, John, for your very sound, loving, and wise counsel. These are heartbreaking times for so many of us. We've been gut-punched by learning that what we believed and hoped was true about most people in our country - some we know and love, others are strangers - was sadly not true. It's a difficult truth to take in. No matter how hard those who voted for a convicted felon for president try to paint us as the villans, we are not guilty. We must choose wisely to whom we give our time and attention.
One of our sons and his wife are conservative, and their vote whatever it was did not change the outcome in our state...and we don't talk politics on holidays, so we can enjoy a family holiday together.
If someone's relative cannot avoid talking politics then excluding yourselves or excluding them is probably a good choice, and gathering with like minded friends might be more fun and comfortable....but breaking the tradition of family on the holiday might be a harmful and permanent precedent. Most of us feel some extra attachment to 'family' knowing they will always try to help and protect you, and share common memories. We can have the same thing with good friends of course, but there is a little bit more permanence and reliability with family (hopefully).
I'm aware lots of families have estrangements but in our two families that is considered inconceivable. We know enough not to allow it to develop I guess. I think of we chose to gather with friends on holidays instead of family we might actually enjoy it more, but we would break that tradition and bond and it would be hard to get it back once it is broken.
Some read- "A Christmas Carol " every Christmas.
I am going to bring out, "It's OK to skip..."
You have given me permission!
I have always dreaded the holidays. Always.
The sound of silence permeates the
special days. No busses running, all stores are closed, even Walmart!
Every year I think it will be easier. It isn't.
I always watch,"It's a Wonderful Life".
I watch it alone, because it's too corny for
the others! Well, I am very corny. I like Cool Whip too. I used to wear a Christmas top.
Now I have a plain red vest. That's all I
can do.
This year I am most worried about Jan. 20th.
Dearest John,
So touched by the overwhelming empathy and care you give me by allowing me to stay in my pajamas lying on the bed with my pets and just taking care of me, that I burst into tears.
Thank you for your genius at sharing just the words we need to hang on to.
With you around I feel safer…. I am 78.
I am spending Christmas with you! 🥰🎶👏🏻💕
I needed this.
A wilted flower in a vast ocean of thorns, who spent 2 post election days in catatonic disbelief, voicing a somewhat different thought. Suppose we venture outside our comfort zones and attempt to bridge the chasm with those who chose chaos over progress and freedom. I'm not talking about making nice with the nazi flag bearing, testosterone laden moron screaming expletives. But my son's in laws who've always seemed reasonable and who's DNA is also part of our grandchildren, might be a good place to start. Donating, signing postcards, making phone calls didn't help. So I will resist the urge to spill red wine on them and rant that they've chosen to destroy 250 years of democracy. I'll try to understand. A tiny seed of tolerance sown in a bleak landscape of hatred and anger. Wish me good luck. In the meantime, everyone is getting banned books for Christmas.
To thine own self always be true especially when you wake up on the other side of the mirror… I cannot shake this disorientation and heavy betrayal coming from the evangelical/fundamentalist peeps in my life who I believe have been totally deceived by evil one…I cannot unsee nor unfeel what I just experienced w my lifelong evangelical sister. It’s heartbreaking and soul wrecking which cannot easily be overlooked or forgiven ESPECIALLY at CHRISTmas time.
It’s like the evil one has been permitted to STEAL Jesus, His commandments, The Holy Bible, our Government, The US founding decrees, our Laws/RightsHealthSafety, basically our America and I am suppose to deny this Betrayal & Trauma at a dinner table?
I want to tell these Legalistic/ Fundamentalist/Evangelical Christians that ushered in this dangerous evil to continue reading up on Themselves in our Holy Bible the prophetic Book of Revelations. Seems to me These times are the Manifestations of Revelations and disturbing visions/Dreams of Daniel. UGH!