John, this one got me. And you hit it out of the park.
Not because it’s extreme.
Not because it’s hostile.
But because it’s honest in a way most of us have been too heartbroken—or too afraid—to say out loud.
I’ve lived through this. I am living through it.
And I know others are, too.
This quiet, devastating realization that the people who raised us to know right from wrong… no longer seem to recognize the difference.
I read this letter and nodded all the way through. Because yes—like the writer, I was taught to speak truth, to stand with the vulnerable, to loathe liars, and to reject cruelty masquerading as strength. And like the writer, I absorbed those values not from books or professors or activists, but from my own family.
And now I’m looking into the faces of some of those same people—people I love—and I see them defending a man who contradicts everything they once held sacred.
Not just tolerating him.
Not holding their noses.
Defending him. Idolizing him. Voting for him again.
I have tried to reconcile it.
I have tried to make peace with the idea that they “just see things differently.”
But the moral chasm grows wider with every lie they excuse, every cruelty they dismiss, every flicker of decency they silence in order to hold the line politically.
And so yes, I felt this letter like a blow to the chest—because it doesn’t come from hate.
It comes from grief.
It grieves the loss of trust.
The loss of moral continuity.
The loss of that precious belief we once had—that our family’s lessons were true, and would hold across time.
I’ve wrestled with this long enough to know that what we’re experiencing isn’t just a political rift. It’s a spiritual one.
A rupture in shared meaning.
A betrayal not just of party lines, but of the very character they helped shape in us—and now resent.
And I say this not to shame anyone. God knows we’re all flawed.
But what this piece does—what I can’t thank the author enough for—is tell the truth plainly:
We are not the ones who changed.
We became the people we were taught to become.
And now we are being asked to apologize for it. To contort ourselves into silence or complicity for the sake of “keeping the peace.”
But there is no peace without principle.
There is only a silence that poisons everything.
So yes, I stand with the writer of this piece.
In conviction. In heartbreak.
In the clarity that love—real love—is honest even when it hurts.
And I grieve alongside him.
Because it’s a hell of a thing to realize that the people who first lit your moral fire may now be asking you to extinguish it.
I won’t.
And if you’re reading this, wrestling with the same ache—you shouldn’t either.
True. However my complement of you doesn’t diminish him or his words at all. I wrote a fairly long reply to him as well thanking him for his profoundly written post, but must have accidentally deleted it. Unfortunately I didn’t have time to recreate it.
I have never understood the distinction some people try to make between "the man" and "his policies." Some MAGAs will say, "Well, I'm not crazy about Trump's style, but I like his policies." What??? His policies are hate-filled, racist, greedy, vengeful --- and that's him. What's the difference? Come on, people, it's not like there's somehow a vile man promoting "good" policies. They are one and the same, all vile.
John, today's newsletter made me cry for two reasons. 1. I'm sorry we have this in common. And 2. While your parents reared you to be a decent person, mine steeped me in Christian Nationalism from kindergarten. They're devastated that I didn't grow up to be a card-carrying Christian Nationalist. It is impossible to navigate those expectations and maintain a productive, fulfilling relationship. So I'm one of many Americans grieving parents who are still alive, accepting I will never see them again. Peace and solidarity to you as you continue to sift through the wreckage of your own grief.
John, It is very hard for me to read this Substack post! My mother, may she rest in peace, taught me all the virtues you attribute to your mother growing up but she never wavered in her almost 90 years of life!
I probably disappointed her somewhat when I was inclined toward the GOP for a number of years, but she would have been aghast if she were alive to see me or anyone she loved be a TRUMP supporter.
Fortunately, I turned my back completely on the GOP during the George W. Bush presidency and have been an ardent supporter of Democratic candidates since. I was one of the original Old White Dudes for Kamala!
There simply is no justification for being a TRUMP supporter! None! None! None! There is no end that can justify that means! None! None! None!
This is so good. Thank you. I will share. I think there’s still hope people do some soul searching and realize what they’ve become. We all have to constantly do shadow work. Otherwise we’re just sleepwalking through life.
Sadly, I could have written this. My dad voted for him in 2016, but not in 2020. He died in 2023, but he told me months prior that he would never vote for Trump again. My mom, who will be 90 in July, is all-in with the guy. She’s a Super Christian, in her mind anyway. Goes to a Baptist church (we live in North Carolina, so you can imagine what they teach), sings in the choir, all of it. But she won’t go inside her only son’s home because her son is married to another man (who is the most loving, caring, generous person I’ve ever known). And she’s never liked me. It’s a pain that I’ve finally learned to live with, but one that never really goes away.
Amen. What happened to lifting up the good and despising the evil, compassion over cruelty, love over hate, mercy over harshness, of looking to Jesus as the pioneer and perfecter of our faith? What caused the leaving of the true for the false? I would really like to know. When did you become afraid of what you taught me not to be afraid of - the different? When did racism, sexism and bigotry become so acceptable while compassion so rejected.? I remember during Vietnam you did question those of us who were against the war and were for civil rights and stated we were bleeding hearts. Well I will take my bleeding heart and stand with John and those who care about the marginalized, unjustly incarcerated, rejected because of the color of their skin or their language or faith.
Absolutely heartbreaking post. So hard to comprehend and accept that a parent could be like that after teaching their child to be a good person. I will never understand those who have been sucked into Trump's evil grip. NEVER. I'm a bewildered Canadian who is mystified by those who are brainwashed by Fox News and buy into everything Trump says and does. We have those types here in Canada, too. I just don't get it. I feel for you good people trapped in these family dilemmas. Must be absolutely devastating. Keep being good, caring people, always and if you have to break ties with family, so be it. You must preserve your well being and sanity.
Such a fair question. You’re talking to them as people, not as parents. Nice job! You deserve a response. They may not be evolved enough to dialogue with you. No shame intended.
Aristotle said “The mark of an educated mind is the ability to entertain a thought without accepting it.”
Oh no! I know what it's like to be a disappointment to my mother, mine never liked me and that's the truth. She would say that she loved me but she didn't like me. I also know what it feels like to be disappointed in my mother. I didn't get a good side of her. Criticizing me was her "love language".... I definitely am who I am because of my mother. It took me 5 years after her death for me to miss her. Then I remember the reality. Anyway, I'm so proud of you for putting your thoughts and feelings out here. Thank you again!
John, this is heartbreaking and powerful. What profound grief to be ostracized by the people you love and who raised you to be the man you are today. The dissonance is striking, to see that really they have changed not you. You are still holding onto the truths you were raised with, that love is the greatest commandment of all. That they can’t see means they can no longer see you and we all need to be seen and understood. That is a brutal, painful, sad reality. I am sorry. I want you to know that we see you, we hear you, we acknowledge your pursuit of righteousness, not in a prideful way, but in a way that promotes love. Maybe it isn’t just that they no longer can see you, but they aren’t able to see themselves. And that, too, is profoundly sad.
Living “truthfully”, in alignment with a true moral compass, is what this is all about. No human should feel entitlement to the freedom to exist, at the risk of judgment of others for wanting the same, at the disposal of another. We are all crayons in the box, slightly different and equal in value and expression.
Again, the absolute Gospel truth. Yes, the Gospel truth. What doth it profit a man……the selling of their own souls instead of “saving the souls” of others is the sole calling of most Christians today. Our country is going to reap what we have sown. And I despair for my children and grandchildren.
John, this one got me. And you hit it out of the park.
Not because it’s extreme.
Not because it’s hostile.
But because it’s honest in a way most of us have been too heartbroken—or too afraid—to say out loud.
I’ve lived through this. I am living through it.
And I know others are, too.
This quiet, devastating realization that the people who raised us to know right from wrong… no longer seem to recognize the difference.
I read this letter and nodded all the way through. Because yes—like the writer, I was taught to speak truth, to stand with the vulnerable, to loathe liars, and to reject cruelty masquerading as strength. And like the writer, I absorbed those values not from books or professors or activists, but from my own family.
And now I’m looking into the faces of some of those same people—people I love—and I see them defending a man who contradicts everything they once held sacred.
Not just tolerating him.
Not holding their noses.
Defending him. Idolizing him. Voting for him again.
I have tried to reconcile it.
I have tried to make peace with the idea that they “just see things differently.”
But the moral chasm grows wider with every lie they excuse, every cruelty they dismiss, every flicker of decency they silence in order to hold the line politically.
And so yes, I felt this letter like a blow to the chest—because it doesn’t come from hate.
It comes from grief.
It grieves the loss of trust.
The loss of moral continuity.
The loss of that precious belief we once had—that our family’s lessons were true, and would hold across time.
I’ve wrestled with this long enough to know that what we’re experiencing isn’t just a political rift. It’s a spiritual one.
A rupture in shared meaning.
A betrayal not just of party lines, but of the very character they helped shape in us—and now resent.
And I say this not to shame anyone. God knows we’re all flawed.
But what this piece does—what I can’t thank the author enough for—is tell the truth plainly:
We are not the ones who changed.
We became the people we were taught to become.
And now we are being asked to apologize for it. To contort ourselves into silence or complicity for the sake of “keeping the peace.”
But there is no peace without principle.
There is only a silence that poisons everything.
So yes, I stand with the writer of this piece.
In conviction. In heartbreak.
In the clarity that love—real love—is honest even when it hurts.
And I grieve alongside him.
Because it’s a hell of a thing to realize that the people who first lit your moral fire may now be asking you to extinguish it.
I won’t.
And if you’re reading this, wrestling with the same ache—you shouldn’t either.
Not because you’re angry.
But because you remember who taught you better.
And you believed them.
Thanks to John for this spot-on post & thank you Dino for the eloquent
elaboration! A new favorite: "There is no peace without principle.":)
Beautifully said, Dino. Thank you.
Thank you, but John is the chief inspiration. I think he voiced what many of us have been feeling.
True. However my complement of you doesn’t diminish him or his words at all. I wrote a fairly long reply to him as well thanking him for his profoundly written post, but must have accidentally deleted it. Unfortunately I didn’t have time to recreate it.
Been there. Done that. Understand. I enjoy the thoughts of the myriad of people who enjoy John and his writing. I am glad to know you! 😋
Thanks Dino. I found my post below, further down in the thread.
Splendid reply! Amen!
Beautifully put, and as clear-eyed as it comes.
I have never understood the distinction some people try to make between "the man" and "his policies." Some MAGAs will say, "Well, I'm not crazy about Trump's style, but I like his policies." What??? His policies are hate-filled, racist, greedy, vengeful --- and that's him. What's the difference? Come on, people, it's not like there's somehow a vile man promoting "good" policies. They are one and the same, all vile.
John, today's newsletter made me cry for two reasons. 1. I'm sorry we have this in common. And 2. While your parents reared you to be a decent person, mine steeped me in Christian Nationalism from kindergarten. They're devastated that I didn't grow up to be a card-carrying Christian Nationalist. It is impossible to navigate those expectations and maintain a productive, fulfilling relationship. So I'm one of many Americans grieving parents who are still alive, accepting I will never see them again. Peace and solidarity to you as you continue to sift through the wreckage of your own grief.
Andra, I am sorry and I grieve for your pain, for all of us.
Thank you, Dino.
John, It is very hard for me to read this Substack post! My mother, may she rest in peace, taught me all the virtues you attribute to your mother growing up but she never wavered in her almost 90 years of life!
I probably disappointed her somewhat when I was inclined toward the GOP for a number of years, but she would have been aghast if she were alive to see me or anyone she loved be a TRUMP supporter.
Fortunately, I turned my back completely on the GOP during the George W. Bush presidency and have been an ardent supporter of Democratic candidates since. I was one of the original Old White Dudes for Kamala!
There simply is no justification for being a TRUMP supporter! None! None! None! There is no end that can justify that means! None! None! None!
This is so good. Thank you. I will share. I think there’s still hope people do some soul searching and realize what they’ve become. We all have to constantly do shadow work. Otherwise we’re just sleepwalking through life.
This is amazing. There are so many young people that come to me and ask what they should say to their parents. This is perfect. Thank you John!
Sadly, I could have written this. My dad voted for him in 2016, but not in 2020. He died in 2023, but he told me months prior that he would never vote for Trump again. My mom, who will be 90 in July, is all-in with the guy. She’s a Super Christian, in her mind anyway. Goes to a Baptist church (we live in North Carolina, so you can imagine what they teach), sings in the choir, all of it. But she won’t go inside her only son’s home because her son is married to another man (who is the most loving, caring, generous person I’ve ever known). And she’s never liked me. It’s a pain that I’ve finally learned to live with, but one that never really goes away.
💔😢
Amen. What happened to lifting up the good and despising the evil, compassion over cruelty, love over hate, mercy over harshness, of looking to Jesus as the pioneer and perfecter of our faith? What caused the leaving of the true for the false? I would really like to know. When did you become afraid of what you taught me not to be afraid of - the different? When did racism, sexism and bigotry become so acceptable while compassion so rejected.? I remember during Vietnam you did question those of us who were against the war and were for civil rights and stated we were bleeding hearts. Well I will take my bleeding heart and stand with John and those who care about the marginalized, unjustly incarcerated, rejected because of the color of their skin or their language or faith.
Absolutely heartbreaking post. So hard to comprehend and accept that a parent could be like that after teaching their child to be a good person. I will never understand those who have been sucked into Trump's evil grip. NEVER. I'm a bewildered Canadian who is mystified by those who are brainwashed by Fox News and buy into everything Trump says and does. We have those types here in Canada, too. I just don't get it. I feel for you good people trapped in these family dilemmas. Must be absolutely devastating. Keep being good, caring people, always and if you have to break ties with family, so be it. You must preserve your well being and sanity.
And moral compass -- you must preserve that.
Such a fair question. You’re talking to them as people, not as parents. Nice job! You deserve a response. They may not be evolved enough to dialogue with you. No shame intended.
Aristotle said “The mark of an educated mind is the ability to entertain a thought without accepting it.”
Keep being John!
Oh no! I know what it's like to be a disappointment to my mother, mine never liked me and that's the truth. She would say that she loved me but she didn't like me. I also know what it feels like to be disappointed in my mother. I didn't get a good side of her. Criticizing me was her "love language".... I definitely am who I am because of my mother. It took me 5 years after her death for me to miss her. Then I remember the reality. Anyway, I'm so proud of you for putting your thoughts and feelings out here. Thank you again!
John, this is heartbreaking and powerful. What profound grief to be ostracized by the people you love and who raised you to be the man you are today. The dissonance is striking, to see that really they have changed not you. You are still holding onto the truths you were raised with, that love is the greatest commandment of all. That they can’t see means they can no longer see you and we all need to be seen and understood. That is a brutal, painful, sad reality. I am sorry. I want you to know that we see you, we hear you, we acknowledge your pursuit of righteousness, not in a prideful way, but in a way that promotes love. Maybe it isn’t just that they no longer can see you, but they aren’t able to see themselves. And that, too, is profoundly sad.
“Maybe it isn’t just that they no longer can see you, but they aren’t able to see themselves”
A damning commentary upon the selective blindness in our culture, to say nothing of truth as casualty.
Beautifully said.
Thank you Floofie! Keep snapping back!
Living “truthfully”, in alignment with a true moral compass, is what this is all about. No human should feel entitlement to the freedom to exist, at the risk of judgment of others for wanting the same, at the disposal of another. We are all crayons in the box, slightly different and equal in value and expression.
Thank you for this…. This is true in my life.
Again, the absolute Gospel truth. Yes, the Gospel truth. What doth it profit a man……the selling of their own souls instead of “saving the souls” of others is the sole calling of most Christians today. Our country is going to reap what we have sown. And I despair for my children and grandchildren.
That first paragraph. Tragically spot-on. 😢
I have also experienced this, so I too know.