"You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.
Jesus asked us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. But he also turned over the tables of the money changers in the temple.
Hate is different than anger, and righteous anger has its place. Love is different than acceptance, and it most certainly should include speaking truth to power.
I am grateful for your honesty and thoughtful self reflection. As a non-Chistian who has always admired the teachings of Jesus, it is so refreshing to read your words and it gives me hope to know that there are free thinking kind people out there.
It must be incredibly difficult being a person of faith these days John. I myself am not one, so feel no great guilt at feeling disdain for all the evil hypocrites out there. But for someone like you, I can see how gut wrenching the last 6 months (and likely more) must be.
I’m an active member of a 12-Step recovery program for families and friends of alcoholics and addicts. I might have something to share which could pertain to this topic.
I’m gay. My ex (ex, because he passed away in 1989) was a meth addict and a compulsive hoarder. He and I were together for four years between 1985 and 1989.
A meth addict, when not using, can be every bit as unpleasant as the meth addict who uses. When he wasn’t using, he brought home everything under the sun and squirreled it away in our apartment.
After he had been using meth, he would crash and be essentially useless. He had some part-time janitorial jobs which he was in danger of losing, so after I did my eight-hour job, I would do his part time jobs and get home, hungry, at midnight.
It didn’t take long for resentments to build, and resentments can quickly transmogrify into hatred. I was reaching that point. At that point, I began attending Al-Anon.
I learned a BUNCH of things during that first year. One thing I learned were the three “C’s”: I didn’t CAUSE it; I can’t CONTROL it; I can’t CURE it.
Along with that, I learned the three “A”s: Awareness, Acceptance, Action. I learned I was not obligated to tolerate unacceptable behavior, and that I could set — and enforce boundaries with my partner. If those boundaries were broken, there were consequences for that behavior. (He ended up in jail after acting out, and I refused to bail him out so he sat there for 30 days. Later, he stole money from me, so I returned a birthday present I had bought for him and told him what I’d done.)
He never stopped using before he passed, but the quality of MY life certainly improved. (I have never used speed or any other recreational drugs.)
Where I’m going with this: we do not have to accept unacceptable behavior from our Q or MAGA friends and relatives. We can set appropriate boundaries and back up those boundaries with definite consequences if our boundaries are not respected. I’ve skipped family functions when relatives INSIST on bringing up Trump and MAGA, or insinuating those topics into conversations. We do not have to allow ourselves to be victimized by MAGA and Q relatives and acquaintances.
Thank you for that response and your story. I’m trying to love but with boundaries ….. as if I had moved to another country in my heart … but there was too much pain and anger if I stayed mentally and physically…. It may not be all of what God wants from me today …. But it’s what I’ve got right now and maybe tomorrow I will move a little closer :)
You are saying out loud what needs to be said — hypocrisy is hypocrisy no matter how it is cloaked and I have never ever felt welcome or met up to these hypocritical standards — thank you so much !
Left organized religion a long time ago & now consider myself a spiritual being with "friends" like Jesus, Buddha, Mother Teresa, Gandhi...Back to your point, John, if Jesus was here today, I do believe he'd be smackin' some sense into some of his "followers" with his flip flops!
Hi John, a few days ago you wondered in a post about how you (and all of us) might move past the "unnavigable impasse" when we must disagree with friends, family, and others who come to embrace the way of darkness and lies in these "Trumpian times." I responded then, and now, by reiterating the only everlastingly true way that is open to us, as you know, comes from Jesus: "Love your enemies."
Still, that noble moral imperative didn't prevent Jesus from declaring to the Pharisees they had come "to a parting of the ways"; that they had come to a beginning of the making of the inevitable choice between the will of the Father, and their self-chosen ways of darkness.
He declared that in his Father’s eternal kingdom, the tree is known by its fruits.
He told them they must either make the tree and its fruit good, or else the tree becomes corrupt—and its fruit as well. And he asked them, "Some of you who are as vipers, how can you—having already chosen evil—bring forth good fruits? After all, out of the abundance of the evil in your hearts, your mouths speak.”
They taunted him on the cross: “Let us see if God will come and deliver him!”
All things looked dark on that day of the crucifixion, but it was gloriously bright on the resurrection morning and even brighter and more joyous on Pentecost.
We know the religion of Jesus is a gospel of faith to be proclaimed to struggling humanity. This new religion is founded on a faith, hope, and love which make it possible to love our enemies.
As their (our) spiritual father, Jesus was slow to abandon his errant children, and even then he extended the divine hand of mercy to them. But he made it crystal clear that, in the end, their house was left to them, desolate; and he departed the temple, never to return. And even as we should be slow to abandon those we love and cherish who have chosen the way of darkness and evil, we can fairly and lovingly decide to leave them to their chosen desolation.
Many things which happen in the course of human life are hard to understand, and difficult to reconcile with the idea that this is a universe in which truth prevails—and in which righteousness always triumphs. It so often appears that slander, lies, dishonesty, and unrighteousness—sin—prevail.
Does faith, after all, triumph over evil, sin, and iniquity? You know it does. And the life and death of Jesus are the eternal proof that the truth of goodness, and the faith of the spirit-led creature will always be vindicated.
I'm feeling a bit puzzled. I can love all on some level, but I don't have to like them, right? I participated in my very first protest recently. I'll be doing another on April 5; can hardly wait. The overall response was very positive and encouraging. But at times, with cars zipping by, it was difficult to discern the thumbs up from the middle finger. Never mind, my friend would yell, 'WE LOVE YOU!" to every perceived negative gesture. Is that what you're talking about?
By the way, I could use some sign ideas. April 5 is the "HANDS OFF" national day of protest. I want to say "HANDS OFF MY SOCIAL SECURITY" but it feels so much bigger than that.
(I'll open here admitting that I'm a former believer who no longer does.)
John, it seems to me that the situation now is one where "the rubber meets the road." As you pointed out, when things weren't so heated it wasn't so difficult. Nowadays, people's hatred is right up in everyone else's faces. I guess what I'm saying is perhaps this is a challenge to your beliefs and your ability to do them justice. What are your thoughts?
I've been doing that other thing, where you judge someone and then see the same behavior in yourself. It's hard. It sucks. But I'm getting a lot of release from it. They lie. I judge them. Then I find myself "bending the truth" so someone else doesn't drill me for more information. They promise. They break the promise. Then I cancel an appointment because I didn't plan my day well. It just goes on. It's freeing and frustrating at the same time. But it's really kicking my ass and making me see where "Love Everyone because you're just like that, so if you ever really want to Love Yourself, you'll be able to" is possible. Still...Sheeesh!
Not only is loving yourself challenging sometimes but if that is equated to the level of loving your neighbor, there seems to be a lot of self hatred running around.
Read an editorial a year or so ago; maybe it was an opinion piece. The question was how to reason with unreasonable people. You can’t. Trying to change their opinion runs the risk of driving them further into their own opinion, however wrong. The advice was to listen and ask why they thought that way. Sometimes they may hit a point where they realize they can’t explain further and may even ask your opinion and why you think that way. That doesn’t address love though, maybe some respect. Some people are just hard to respect or love. My now retired pastor once stepped out from behind the pulpit and said, “ You have your Methodists, your Presbyterians, your Baptists, your Pentecostals. Me, I’m a Jesus man.” You have pointed out several times that right wing Christians (Christian Nationalists) aren’t really following the teachings of Jesus. I agree, but we have to live in the same country and hope it gets pointed the right way eventually.
I am always a bit startled and stunned by people who immediately, without much aforethought automatically “forgive” their enemies. But while forgiveness is what we flawed humans attain, there are many underserving of it. Being “ forgiven” is just license to remain unchanged.
Trump cannot and should not be forgiven as a man and a a corrupt POTUS. When we forgive we also give permission for future events to go unchecked and unchanged.Forgiveness right now is to encourage more of the same.
Your understandable comments reminded me of two things I heard regarding forgiveness that may apply: first, forgiveness is not the same as condoning their actions or not holding someone accountable, and secondly, forgiveness is about you and your mental state and not the other's. Forgiving or not forgiving someone does nothing to them but dramatically affects you. Not forgiving someone is like you eating rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.
I absolutely agree - but forgiveness is a process that takes time. That is why I am skeptical of those who forgive something heinous immediately without going through some kind of psychological process first often grief, anger, sadness etc.
I think the automatic forgiveness as “I’m supposed to forgive so I will” without work and the passage of time isn’t real forgiveness, it’s just parroting what one is “supposed” to do. The anger and resentment remain, compounded guilt about not being able to feel the right things or feeling unchristian because right emotions don’t come right away. I think we do ourselves more damage by unrealistic expectations.
When it comes to Trump and people who I believe manifest evil - whether by something we might call mental illness or just plain bad conduct it doesn’t matter - the result is the same. The damage they do should should not be forgiven - but it should be learned from if possible so it is not repeated. History is a great teacher. Trump is not the first fascist dictator and his MAGA are not the first cult members in the world, but usually cults end badly. Some behavior is simply inexcusable and leads humanity down a dark road that it may not return from.
You make an important point that helpful forgiveness must be genuine and not something you are “supposed” to do. Reaching that point can take time. I am reminded of the requirement by a parent to “say you’re sorry to your sister, right now!” That has very little effect in guiding future actions, and it may actually cultivate more resentment.
I personally, I was in an abusive relationship for more than 10 years and managed to get out of it. At the beginning a lot of anger and maybe hate circled my heart and mind but as the time passed by I came to a conclusion that maybe it will help us in tough times like these :
My aggressor (the father of my children) even though expressed his hate and dissatisfaction every day with me did not win by making me "more hateful or more angry" towards what he has done to me.... I came to realize that he lives in a very grey almost dark reality where " nothing " was good enough and no blessing would soften his heart. That is a very grim environment to live in and everything that he is doing to cover his dissatisfaction and his cavernous heart it doesn't help.
This is the part where my love for him came into place - feeling really sorry for that soul not being able to find peace and make room for Love in his heart.
At this point I made the conscious decision not to spend any other second worrying about him knowing that the "forgiveness " it will happen between him and his/our Creator.
Not my job to forgive him !
For criminal actions there should be laws and regulations to keep them away and make them paying the price for their aggression and abuse.
I hope that will give a little different perspective to help us all go through life and through tough times like these. 🙏❤️🩹
My understanding of “love” of neighbors has nothing to do with overlooking or even pardoning their offenses. Rather, it’s urging the best for them—such as them seeing their errant ways. Those actions done or prescribed by Jesus that seem contrary and, in the best analyses I’ve read, were to subject the offender to the social taboos of the Jewish leadership and Roman society (among them: nudity, use of the left hand, exceeding the authority granted them.) This was in recognition of the small degree of influence they had.
Now, most of the offenders have little shame; in fact they are proud of violating social taboos in performing their actions.
I wish I had ideas on what would be good modern replacements for relying on the social order to deter the current actions of this administration and its enablers and supporters.
Jesus asked us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. But he also turned over the tables of the money changers in the temple.
Hate is different than anger, and righteous anger has its place. Love is different than acceptance, and it most certainly should include speaking truth to power.
Excellent response. Thank you.
I am grateful for your honesty and thoughtful self reflection. As a non-Chistian who has always admired the teachings of Jesus, it is so refreshing to read your words and it gives me hope to know that there are free thinking kind people out there.
It must be incredibly difficult being a person of faith these days John. I myself am not one, so feel no great guilt at feeling disdain for all the evil hypocrites out there. But for someone like you, I can see how gut wrenching the last 6 months (and likely more) must be.
John:
I’m an active member of a 12-Step recovery program for families and friends of alcoholics and addicts. I might have something to share which could pertain to this topic.
I’m gay. My ex (ex, because he passed away in 1989) was a meth addict and a compulsive hoarder. He and I were together for four years between 1985 and 1989.
A meth addict, when not using, can be every bit as unpleasant as the meth addict who uses. When he wasn’t using, he brought home everything under the sun and squirreled it away in our apartment.
After he had been using meth, he would crash and be essentially useless. He had some part-time janitorial jobs which he was in danger of losing, so after I did my eight-hour job, I would do his part time jobs and get home, hungry, at midnight.
It didn’t take long for resentments to build, and resentments can quickly transmogrify into hatred. I was reaching that point. At that point, I began attending Al-Anon.
I learned a BUNCH of things during that first year. One thing I learned were the three “C’s”: I didn’t CAUSE it; I can’t CONTROL it; I can’t CURE it.
Along with that, I learned the three “A”s: Awareness, Acceptance, Action. I learned I was not obligated to tolerate unacceptable behavior, and that I could set — and enforce boundaries with my partner. If those boundaries were broken, there were consequences for that behavior. (He ended up in jail after acting out, and I refused to bail him out so he sat there for 30 days. Later, he stole money from me, so I returned a birthday present I had bought for him and told him what I’d done.)
He never stopped using before he passed, but the quality of MY life certainly improved. (I have never used speed or any other recreational drugs.)
Where I’m going with this: we do not have to accept unacceptable behavior from our Q or MAGA friends and relatives. We can set appropriate boundaries and back up those boundaries with definite consequences if our boundaries are not respected. I’ve skipped family functions when relatives INSIST on bringing up Trump and MAGA, or insinuating those topics into conversations. We do not have to allow ourselves to be victimized by MAGA and Q relatives and acquaintances.
Thank you for that response and your story. I’m trying to love but with boundaries ….. as if I had moved to another country in my heart … but there was too much pain and anger if I stayed mentally and physically…. It may not be all of what God wants from me today …. But it’s what I’ve got right now and maybe tomorrow I will move a little closer :)
Thank you!
You are saying out loud what needs to be said — hypocrisy is hypocrisy no matter how it is cloaked and I have never ever felt welcome or met up to these hypocritical standards — thank you so much !
Left organized religion a long time ago & now consider myself a spiritual being with "friends" like Jesus, Buddha, Mother Teresa, Gandhi...Back to your point, John, if Jesus was here today, I do believe he'd be smackin' some sense into some of his "followers" with his flip flops!
I get it..but when i come upon on of those bumper stickers on the car in front of me..i quickly let out to myself a few profanities.
Hi John, a few days ago you wondered in a post about how you (and all of us) might move past the "unnavigable impasse" when we must disagree with friends, family, and others who come to embrace the way of darkness and lies in these "Trumpian times." I responded then, and now, by reiterating the only everlastingly true way that is open to us, as you know, comes from Jesus: "Love your enemies."
Still, that noble moral imperative didn't prevent Jesus from declaring to the Pharisees they had come "to a parting of the ways"; that they had come to a beginning of the making of the inevitable choice between the will of the Father, and their self-chosen ways of darkness.
He declared that in his Father’s eternal kingdom, the tree is known by its fruits.
He told them they must either make the tree and its fruit good, or else the tree becomes corrupt—and its fruit as well. And he asked them, "Some of you who are as vipers, how can you—having already chosen evil—bring forth good fruits? After all, out of the abundance of the evil in your hearts, your mouths speak.”
They taunted him on the cross: “Let us see if God will come and deliver him!”
All things looked dark on that day of the crucifixion, but it was gloriously bright on the resurrection morning and even brighter and more joyous on Pentecost.
We know the religion of Jesus is a gospel of faith to be proclaimed to struggling humanity. This new religion is founded on a faith, hope, and love which make it possible to love our enemies.
As their (our) spiritual father, Jesus was slow to abandon his errant children, and even then he extended the divine hand of mercy to them. But he made it crystal clear that, in the end, their house was left to them, desolate; and he departed the temple, never to return. And even as we should be slow to abandon those we love and cherish who have chosen the way of darkness and evil, we can fairly and lovingly decide to leave them to their chosen desolation.
Many things which happen in the course of human life are hard to understand, and difficult to reconcile with the idea that this is a universe in which truth prevails—and in which righteousness always triumphs. It so often appears that slander, lies, dishonesty, and unrighteousness—sin—prevail.
Does faith, after all, triumph over evil, sin, and iniquity? You know it does. And the life and death of Jesus are the eternal proof that the truth of goodness, and the faith of the spirit-led creature will always be vindicated.
Beautifully stated - 🙏
I'm feeling a bit puzzled. I can love all on some level, but I don't have to like them, right? I participated in my very first protest recently. I'll be doing another on April 5; can hardly wait. The overall response was very positive and encouraging. But at times, with cars zipping by, it was difficult to discern the thumbs up from the middle finger. Never mind, my friend would yell, 'WE LOVE YOU!" to every perceived negative gesture. Is that what you're talking about?
By the way, I could use some sign ideas. April 5 is the "HANDS OFF" national day of protest. I want to say "HANDS OFF MY SOCIAL SECURITY" but it feels so much bigger than that.
(I'll open here admitting that I'm a former believer who no longer does.)
John, it seems to me that the situation now is one where "the rubber meets the road." As you pointed out, when things weren't so heated it wasn't so difficult. Nowadays, people's hatred is right up in everyone else's faces. I guess what I'm saying is perhaps this is a challenge to your beliefs and your ability to do them justice. What are your thoughts?
I've been doing that other thing, where you judge someone and then see the same behavior in yourself. It's hard. It sucks. But I'm getting a lot of release from it. They lie. I judge them. Then I find myself "bending the truth" so someone else doesn't drill me for more information. They promise. They break the promise. Then I cancel an appointment because I didn't plan my day well. It just goes on. It's freeing and frustrating at the same time. But it's really kicking my ass and making me see where "Love Everyone because you're just like that, so if you ever really want to Love Yourself, you'll be able to" is possible. Still...Sheeesh!
"Love your neighbor as yourself. " ( as you love yourself).
The hardest part is loving myself.
In 2018, I contracted Hepatitis A. Supposed to go away by
itself. Well, this bug was vicious: it ravaged my liver. My
sister called and knew I was hallucinating. Turns out my sister called my doctor: off we went to a hospital that did liver
transplants.'
I joked it was easy to love my neighbor as myself because
my neighbor lived inside me.
It was not easy to love myself.
And Jesus also teaches you have to forgive yourself.
That's hard..
But I don't want to be left in the wilderness all alone.
I need the friend I know as Jesus.
Not only is loving yourself challenging sometimes but if that is equated to the level of loving your neighbor, there seems to be a lot of self hatred running around.
Read an editorial a year or so ago; maybe it was an opinion piece. The question was how to reason with unreasonable people. You can’t. Trying to change their opinion runs the risk of driving them further into their own opinion, however wrong. The advice was to listen and ask why they thought that way. Sometimes they may hit a point where they realize they can’t explain further and may even ask your opinion and why you think that way. That doesn’t address love though, maybe some respect. Some people are just hard to respect or love. My now retired pastor once stepped out from behind the pulpit and said, “ You have your Methodists, your Presbyterians, your Baptists, your Pentecostals. Me, I’m a Jesus man.” You have pointed out several times that right wing Christians (Christian Nationalists) aren’t really following the teachings of Jesus. I agree, but we have to live in the same country and hope it gets pointed the right way eventually.
‘
I am always a bit startled and stunned by people who immediately, without much aforethought automatically “forgive” their enemies. But while forgiveness is what we flawed humans attain, there are many underserving of it. Being “ forgiven” is just license to remain unchanged.
Trump cannot and should not be forgiven as a man and a a corrupt POTUS. When we forgive we also give permission for future events to go unchecked and unchanged.Forgiveness right now is to encourage more of the same.
Your understandable comments reminded me of two things I heard regarding forgiveness that may apply: first, forgiveness is not the same as condoning their actions or not holding someone accountable, and secondly, forgiveness is about you and your mental state and not the other's. Forgiving or not forgiving someone does nothing to them but dramatically affects you. Not forgiving someone is like you eating rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.
I absolutely agree - but forgiveness is a process that takes time. That is why I am skeptical of those who forgive something heinous immediately without going through some kind of psychological process first often grief, anger, sadness etc.
I think the automatic forgiveness as “I’m supposed to forgive so I will” without work and the passage of time isn’t real forgiveness, it’s just parroting what one is “supposed” to do. The anger and resentment remain, compounded guilt about not being able to feel the right things or feeling unchristian because right emotions don’t come right away. I think we do ourselves more damage by unrealistic expectations.
When it comes to Trump and people who I believe manifest evil - whether by something we might call mental illness or just plain bad conduct it doesn’t matter - the result is the same. The damage they do should should not be forgiven - but it should be learned from if possible so it is not repeated. History is a great teacher. Trump is not the first fascist dictator and his MAGA are not the first cult members in the world, but usually cults end badly. Some behavior is simply inexcusable and leads humanity down a dark road that it may not return from.
You make an important point that helpful forgiveness must be genuine and not something you are “supposed” to do. Reaching that point can take time. I am reminded of the requirement by a parent to “say you’re sorry to your sister, right now!” That has very little effect in guiding future actions, and it may actually cultivate more resentment.
I personally, I was in an abusive relationship for more than 10 years and managed to get out of it. At the beginning a lot of anger and maybe hate circled my heart and mind but as the time passed by I came to a conclusion that maybe it will help us in tough times like these :
My aggressor (the father of my children) even though expressed his hate and dissatisfaction every day with me did not win by making me "more hateful or more angry" towards what he has done to me.... I came to realize that he lives in a very grey almost dark reality where " nothing " was good enough and no blessing would soften his heart. That is a very grim environment to live in and everything that he is doing to cover his dissatisfaction and his cavernous heart it doesn't help.
This is the part where my love for him came into place - feeling really sorry for that soul not being able to find peace and make room for Love in his heart.
At this point I made the conscious decision not to spend any other second worrying about him knowing that the "forgiveness " it will happen between him and his/our Creator.
Not my job to forgive him !
For criminal actions there should be laws and regulations to keep them away and make them paying the price for their aggression and abuse.
I hope that will give a little different perspective to help us all go through life and through tough times like these. 🙏❤️🩹
My understanding of “love” of neighbors has nothing to do with overlooking or even pardoning their offenses. Rather, it’s urging the best for them—such as them seeing their errant ways. Those actions done or prescribed by Jesus that seem contrary and, in the best analyses I’ve read, were to subject the offender to the social taboos of the Jewish leadership and Roman society (among them: nudity, use of the left hand, exceeding the authority granted them.) This was in recognition of the small degree of influence they had.
Now, most of the offenders have little shame; in fact they are proud of violating social taboos in performing their actions.
I wish I had ideas on what would be good modern replacements for relying on the social order to deter the current actions of this administration and its enablers and supporters.